To drive 2 and a half hours with my kids on Monday and Tuesday?

[surreygirl1987]

Not sure what to do and would love to hear other people's opinions.

I graduate from my PhD on Tuesday. It's a huge deal to me and I've been dreaming of this day for years. But it's a 2 and a half hours drive away and of course, there'sthe weather warning. Original plan is to drive up on Monday, spend the day at a local children's attraction, stay in an airbnb overnight (log cabin sort of thing), attend graduation on the Tuesday, and then drive straight home. For context, kids are both preschoolers. They won't actually be in the graduation ceremony (they wouldn't stay quiet for that long) so my husband is going to try to watch on the big screen with them, or else take them to the nearby air-conditioned shopping mall if that fails. I wouldn't bother travelling up on my own. Nobody to babysit the kids if my husband and I went without them.

I wasn't too bothered by the impending heatwave before (we've lived in Australia, plus travelled to some extremely hot parts of the world - people do cope!) but now I'm started to have second thoughts due to the severity of the warnings.
What would you do? What should I do!

YABU - no way should you be going- skip the graduation
YANBU - stick with the original plan (or go alone; a consideration but one I'm reluctant to do and would probably rather not go at all).

I would go alone and leave DH and children bat home. You should be able to buy a dvd of ceremony so your DH could view that afterwards. I always risk access trips and think what if you broke down? or got into traffic jam in up to 40 degrees? I don't think it's fair to preschoolers.

Strange question but how old is your car? I saw the RAC give warnings that "older" (not specifying how old which was helpful...) cars are very likely to overheat and that's their biggest worry re callouts and service overload.

I would. We live in a hot country and of course people drive around in that heat (and they don't break down all the time!). Just leave super early.

I'd second the suggestion to see if you can change your accomodation- can you find a hotel with an indoor pool so you can do that in the afternoon, maybe have a nap in aircon and then watch a film?

Congratulations on the PhD!

Huge congratulations on your PHD OP. This day is all about you and you must absolutely go! Not everyone can do a PhD and you deserve your graduation. The kids will have to adapt. Air con in the car, plenty of water, sun cream, light clothes. You have lived in Australia - you know it can be done. But this day is about you and your achievements!
It is a once in a lifetime day for you and by taking the right measures you will be absolutely fine.
Congratulations again!

It depends where your start and end point are. Is it forecast to be cooler where you’re going

A hotter but not really much difference really. We'd be more comfortable here at home (portable AC unit but sadly too big to take with us, and loads of fans) but will be very hot whether we stay or go.

Have there been any mutterings that the ceremony is likely to be postponed. I think that’s a very real possibility as well.

I have asked my supervisor and am waiting for a reply. I did wonder but I've heard nothing about it at all so I assume not.

In answer to another question, there's not a cohort as such, at least nor graduating with me. There's a small group of us that started at the same time, but I don't think any of them are graduating now. One graduated already one very tragically passed away a couple dropped out and the remainder are still working on their thesis. So there's not really anyone to ask about what they're doing/ how they're getting there etc.

Huge congratulations on your PHD OP

Thanks so much - and to the others who have said the same. That's really kind.

I wouldn't drag kids all the way in that heat. They'll be MUCH happier at home with their dad by the coast.

I would go on your own, sorry. I know you want to celebrate with your family but I think your kids will just end up hot, tired and miserable.

Strange question but how old is your car? I saw the RAC give warnings that "older" (not specifying how old which was helpful...) cars are very likely to overheat and that's their biggest worry re callouts and service overload.

Hmm good question. I'll ask my husband... I think it is on the older side though!

Go you have earned this!

Take sensible precautions travel early/late have ice water etc

Pretty sure this is the UK's first ever red weather warning for heat. It should be taken very seriously. Please don't drag your kids across the country in such conditions when it's really not necessary. Also worth remembering that every single ambulance service across the country is stretched beyond reasonable levels at the moment. Your kids need to stay at home/nursery and keep cool.

You've done an amazing thing and should celebrate it - so attend if you can, but not with the kids.

I don't think it's fair to preschoolers

I fear you are right and I appreciate your honesty. I am aware that I am probably being selfish in this. I know the 'right' answer that puts my kids first is to leave them at home (or, to do the right thing for my husband who would have a rough time with them both in the heat, not go at all). But selfishly I do want to go - and this is why it's such a difficult decision. There's not many things I would consider being selfish for but I guess this is one of them. My question is, I guess, HOW selfish would I be to take them, and how much risk is there to my kids?

Massive congratulations to you, and of course it's a big deal for you to be there in person, I completely understand.

Really genuine question. Your children are
so little and won't understand or remember - why had you planned for them to go in the first place?

Pretty sure this is the UK's first ever red weather warning for heat.

Yes I think you're right.

I saw someone here earlier say they’d broken down and were quoted a six hour wait this evening by the RAC. How would you cope with little children if that happened? It sounds like you’re driving into the red zone, too, so that should be a consideration.

It sounds to me as though there’s little doubt that the best place for your children would be at home. But I can understand why you’d like to do this as a family. It’s rotten timing but if it was me I would put them first, and go off myself knowing I could enjoy the day without worrying about them.

Massive congrats, by the way - it is a great achievement.

The kids will probably be asleep most of the journey. I'd go. Windows open, drip water on them if they get hot, little clothing, take breaks if necessary. If you have a partner, stick them in the back for peace of mind.

If I were you, I do whatever I can to make it (safely) for such a special event.

Op you’ve lived in Australia so I’m guessing you know the limitations in this heat. If you think your kids can handle it then go for it. Other countries and even children manage regularly in this heat, you’ve lived in one… what would they do there? It’s not the end of the world yet. Congratulations on your PhD!

If your car has air con I don't see a problem. If it doesn't I think it's a bit too much for young DC.

@EinsteinaGogo good question. I tried to explain this upthread but found it difficult to put into words:

"I know the sensible compromise would probably be to go alone - but I feel like that would be kind of hollow in a way. My kids were born during my PhD and have always been a huge part of it as a result. I don't think attending would mean anywhere near as much if they weren't there (even if they do wander off during the ceremony). It's hard to explain. I guess that's quite selfish of me actually."

I've sacrificed a lot of time with my kids to do my PhD (ef put my youngest in nursery for a bit while I was on mat leave, asked their dad to take them out sometimes at weekends to give me time to write etc) so in a weird way I guess I just want them to be a part of this achievement, and show them what it was for, even if they're too little to understand. I know that's quite irrational.

The other, more rational and practical reason is that if my kids don't go my husband can't go (nobody to babysit) and then it's just me, which feels a bit rubbish and lonely for a graduation.

Going to the seaside on a whim is quite different from a PhD graduation ceremony though really.. and for the beach question - obviously people can do what they want but would I be prepared to risk hours and hours in traffic jams and potential breakdowns to go to a beach which is likely going to be fairly unpleasant anyway? No I wouldn’t. Would I risk it to go to my graduation? Hell yes.

Just go on your own, even without the weather warnings it would be pretty tedious for your DC. I can't believe you would seriously consider taking two pre schoolers to that sort of occasion. I also don't think you will enjoy the ceremony if you are worrying about how your DH and DC are coping.

I live in the US and last summer drove from eastern part of my state to western part, over the mountains. It was 40 degrees the whole way and absolutely miserable with my then 2.5yo. We have a good car with real air conditioning but the sun was still beating through the windows. She was hot, we were hot. Every time we stopped (3.5 hour drive) the car heated up again instantly. She was bored, we had nowhere really cool to take a break. If it’s important to you, you can go, but don’t kid yourself that it won’t be a pretty shitty miserable trip!

I absolutely understand your point of view about not wanting to go alone; and even more than that, wanting them to be there as they're so ingrained in your PhD, and you've honestly done amazingly to graduate.

But my head says that it's pretty unfair to them, as preschoolers. Those hours in the car could be hell.

Perhaps my view is being tainted by having a six-month-old who cries if it's too hot in the back; but everywhere seems to be warning against unnecessary journeys etc, too...

It's a really tough one. I don't think I'd do it but I wouldn't judge you for doing it, either.

Well yes, the alert / warning system was only created in 2021 …!

But of course this is likely to be record breaking temperatures too.

loads of people go on there own some people dont have family

why drag children to the centre of the uk in a red alert heateave so they can watch on a screen they wont even remember and will prob be irritated by the heat

only reaosn i going out monday is to a wedding which is small and r4egistry office and wont take long i wouldnt be going anywhere otherwsie

I wouldn't think twice about it, but some adjustments might be a good idea. If money allows could you book a hotel with a/c for Monday AND Tuesday nights and then you can keep the room as long as you like and drive home later in the evening when it's cooler, and DC hopefully sleeping in the car?