To not want husband to go out so much?!

[Hachos2018]

So we’ve been together 10 years, married 5…

I had DC3 3 weeks ago (planned section) and DH has decided to go out on a bender tonight with all his mates at a mutual friends large garden party. I was a bit peeved about it as he spent the whole day saying he wasn’t going. Then at 7pm decided that he was .. okay, I know I’m sounding unreasonable so far but it was pretty annoying. Especially as I would have really liked to have gone too and we could have arranged childcare for a couple of hours so that we both could have gone. But this comes after he has 1) paid for a season ticket for his football team and will go to every home match 2) planned a 4 day bender with his friends over a street festival in a town about 40 mins away from us and 3) has signed himself up for a 6 day programme over the street festival held in our village.. not including all the ‘meetings’ and prep him and his friends will need to do beforehand.

I am starting to feel quite upset by all this as he told me before DC3’s arrival that he wouldn’t be going out so much… and therefore wanted to ‘make the most’ of going out with his friends, attending all the football matches, and going to every bloody festival/event in the local vicinity ..and now I just feel tricked.

i guess I’m just wallowing and feeling sorry for myself. I moved abroad (his home town/ country) after we got married and had DC1 and gave up my well paid career, house, family, friends, hobbies etc.. but I really have tried to regain my life, applied for jobs, got my horse moved over here (which was a godsend) but sadly had to PTS last September, I’ve made new friends not related to him, started my own baby group etc and just really tried to intergrate myself but he makes it hard for me, complains about having to look after the kids and just generally makes things difficult at times.

He is a lovely guy, the kids love him, he does quite a lot for them and round the house and did support me through extreme HG in the last pregnancy (although wasn’t always that understanding) so he’s not all bad.

I guess I would just like it if he maybe invited me out for once, he never asks me to join when mutual friends are having parties, doesn’t ever arrange childcare with his parents so we can go out together (not even for a meal!!) even though I’ve mentioned it often enough and I just feel quite sad really. My mum also died 2017 and I tend to find this PP phase quite hard, just wish she was here so I could at least vent to her. But I guess mumsnet it is…

so TLDR… AIBU to wish he didn’t go out so much/ at least invited me along too sometimes?

I didn't mean couples counselling - this man is abusive. I meant counselling for the OP for herself. I appreciate you're coming at this from the pov of staying together, but I can't see how this can happen without OP suffering from more and more abuse. Can't see how this can be in any way good for the children either.

Thank you all so much for the advice/resources/support. I do really really appreciate it. Husband stayed in bed all day so I went out with the kids and just got home… he’s still in bed 🤦🏻‍♀️ Absolutely embarrassing. I’m certainly going to be having a talk with him this evening and I’ve told him he can get his lazy arse up and help out!! I have 3 children under 4 so it won’t be easy whatever I decided to do, but I do have a friend who is a lawyer out here so I’ll get some legal advice and give an ultimatum once I have some kind of plan in place .. just hope it doesn’t get too messy as I really don’t want the children to be damaged by our issues :( breaks my heart to think about their lives being ripped apart because he is too selfish!! Thank you all again, I’m so very grateful 💕💕💕

As you're abroad it's not as simple as you deciding to move home. The Children's habitual residence is the country you are in now and doubt your husband would permit you to leave therefore you would have to apply to court to relocate. This is not a simple task and it's very expensive. Read about the gauche convention. How long do you plan on staying in this country? It maybe worth stinking it out and trying to 'convince' him to move back to England, then dump him once you're more than six months in England , as the childrens habitual residence would then be England. As the quote goes, don't get mad, get even. Good luck with it, it's tough (coming from a 'stuck' mum)

He's controlling and trying to isolate you from having friends. Hiding car keys and complaining about having to look after his own kids so you can have time with friends. A decent partner would support you having a life outside the relationship and not make such a big deal about having to care for his children. Please try to find the courage to confide in your family about what's happening. Hopefully your lawyer friend can give you some good practical advice