Splitting a meal when one person doesn't drink?

[MildredMilfred]

Went out for a meal with a family of 3 , 2 of us. These people are the kind of people who have everything - cocktail and beers to start off meal, more beers, always the most expensive things on the menu loads of sides plus wine, liquors, coffee, tea you name it. I had 3 courses the same as everyone else minus all the booze and extras and one bottle of mineral water - my cost would have been 43 Pounds. Instead I get 1/5 of the meal so I ended up having to pay 73 pounds.I'm pissed off with myself now for not saying -oh as I'm not drinking can I just pay what I had? Am I a miser to think like this? It happens every single time.

Also to add I’m a small eater, small drinker so even if I did share a bottle/snacks the others would always end up getting more out of it than me. So I just don’t.

You just need to speak up. It is annoying, but there will also be occasions where the non-drinker has had expensive soft drinks and/or an extra course (I rarely have pudding when out as I am normally full).

And one of my pet peeves is people who only want to pay for what they had separatel, or leave early and put something towards the bill, but somehow forget the tip. Not saying this is you OP!

Everyone should pay for what they ordered.
That’s the only fair way to do it.

There have been occasions when I have only had a certain amount of money to spend so ordered accordingly.
No one I know would ever be this nasty and basically make you pay for their drinks.

No wonder they order so much booze!

I’d be tempted to order as much expensive stuff as I could so they can see what it’s like but I don’t think I’d even want to go out with them again.

If you do go out then you need to have things ready to say as they’ll keep on saying don’t worry we’ll just split it etc.

Whenever I've been the non-drinker with my group of friends (usually only due to pregnancy tbf as I like a drink!), they've always offered to split the alcohol bill between them. I do the same if I'm with someone else who doesn't drink or who didn't eat much. Anything else is really bad manners!

Sometimes the difference isn't much and so we split it anyway, but it shouldn't be assumed! yANBU.

If we go out as a couple we always split equally as DH drinks whereas I don't.

If I go out with friends, they always ask me to pay less as my diet coke is a lot cheaper than their wine etc.

You need to be more assertive!

Maybe next time you make arrangements to go out say can you all cover my share tonight as I’ve paid for a share of all your drinks all the other times we’ve been out. Then moving forward you don’t need to pay for drinks

Just pay for your own food and drinks. Ask for a separate tab.

I don't get why the default is a split of the bill. It's only ever fair if everyone has similar priced items. Otherwise someone is paying towards someone else's meal.

That's a big difference. If they had had one wine I wouldn't have said anything but you need to say in future that yours is less. I would always offer to pay more if I had something expensive like a cocktail that's really inconsiderate of them

I turned down a meal with a particular group this week as the last time I went with them one woman who I was sitting next to so knew she'd had the most expensive things on the menu and a lot to drink was the first to say let's just split the bill. I'm not that close to anyone in the group so cant be bothered with the hassle of pointing out that my meal was about half the price of the rest

I'd rather stay at home, once bitten twice shy

I wouldn't have let you pay for the booze if you're not drinking. I go out with 2 friends, 2 of us are drinkers and the other 1 doesn't drink. Us 2 drinkers split the drinks bill and then we divide the food by 3. That's fair.

Some people are so cheeky!

The bill should have been split with each group paying for themselves

Bizarre to do it the way you did

You need to just pay separately for yours and let them split the remaining bill between them. I don’t drink when I go out, as I am usually driving. There’s one group of friends I’m happy to just split the bill with, as neither are big drinkers and it’s easier to just divvy it up that way, but in a large group when everyone is necking drinks at speed, I always make it clear I’m paying separately and work out exactly what I owe, plus tip, and leave the amount in cash with the least inebriated person and, unless I’m giving people a lift home, make a prompt exit before the bill even turns up.

It's funny how those that don't come to the aid of the non drinker seem to benefit most often. I usually don't drink. If I do drink and others don't, I insist that the non drinkers don't subsidise the drinkers.

Yet I find myself regularly paying £20 extra for lunch due to the wine and cocktail drinkers not doing the same. Who frankly shouldn't be having more than one glass as we're all driving home. In the end, I tend to leave them to their leisurely lunch after a couple of hours, pay at the till for what I've had plus a tip and bugger off.

I just hoped that people would see it and say oh it's not right to split 5 ways as you haven't had any drinks but guess everyone is not the same.

I work with a bunch of men who like a drink. Without exception, every night out we’ve had has had the following pointed out to me. “You pay for your meal. You aren’t paying for us to drink”. And to be fair, there is usually a wee protest at me paying for the meal. But if I eat, I want to pay.

When it comes to the kitty, there is usually a fuss because they don’t want me to pay as I am usually on soft drinks. The compromise is that I put in for the first kitty and no more. (The men who can’t drink that night get the same)

We do the same with family outings. Fair works best.

I would be happy to make a scene about that. Put what you owe on the table in cash and they can pay the rest. Walk out if they argue the toss.

I don't understand why you think you're the miser when you're the subsidising their bill....

I really don't get how the default option is to always just split the bill, no matter what. When it's just as easy for people to pay for what they had. I wish everyone would just do that - it's awkward to have to say look I only had a main and water - so I will pay for my own. I go out with friends with wildly varying disposable incomes - does my head in TBH and pisses me off that I have to subsidise their meal.

So I have the choice of subsidising their meal which pisses me off or speaking up and they think I'm being an awkward PITA for wanting to only pay for what I had!

I've voted YABU because you are allowing it to happen. Speak up right from the start!

I think it's just because it's quicker to calculate that way, but that doesn't make it fair.

Easiest is either to put cash on the table for your (fair) share or say "I didn't have alcohol/dessert/starter/whatever so mine is about £y with tip so I will pay that on my card and the rest of you can divide the rest between you".

And if they think you are being an awkward PITA, that's on them.

I usually drink less than others but will often order an extra side salad or something so it evens out for me.