Splitting a meal when one person doesn't drink?

[MildredMilfred]

Went out for a meal with a family of 3 , 2 of us. These people are the kind of people who have everything - cocktail and beers to start off meal, more beers, always the most expensive things on the menu loads of sides plus wine, liquors, coffee, tea you name it. I had 3 courses the same as everyone else minus all the booze and extras and one bottle of mineral water - my cost would have been 43 Pounds. Instead I get 1/5 of the meal so I ended up having to pay 73 pounds.I'm pissed off with myself now for not saying -oh as I'm not drinking can I just pay what I had? Am I a miser to think like this? It happens every single time.

I just hoped that people would see it and say oh it's not right to split 5 ways as you haven't had any drinks but guess everyone is not the same. I then ended a 5 towards the tip 😬

I'd always speak up for the person who wasn't drinking if I noticed but it does baffle me when people don't speak up for themselves. I think expecting everyone to notice you're not drinking is unreasonable, they're only unreasonable if they're told and still try to push it through.

"It happens every single time."
Exactly. So head it off at the pass by saying as you sit down, 'I won't be drinking and I'm not subsidising you lot, so I'll be paying separately today'. Say it with a broad smile and a confident tone of voice. Any pushback, just smile and comment along the lines of 'you're taking the piss now, aren't you?'.

"I just hoped that people would see it and say oh it's not right to split 5 ways as you haven't had any drinks but guess everyone is not the same."
They're clearly not that kind of people! And you know that. So stop expecting the impossible and take control.

What did you OH have (or whoever you were with)? Quite frankly I don’t really pay much attention to what everyone else is having and drinking. If someone has significantly less, I appreciate it if they point it out. Particularly if there’s bottles of wine or whatever on the table I wouldn’t even notice if someone was or wasn’t having some. I’d much rather you said Btw i only had water, rather than stewing on the fact you paid more than your share.
Mineral water is much absolute pet peeve though, ridiculous carbon footprint for something that just comes out of the tap

I have a friend who doesn’t drink. She puts in what she has had to eat plus a bit extra for a tip and then the rest of us split what’s left.

YANBU.

This is an occasion where you have to advocate for yourself. No one else is going to. Be confident in stating what you’re going to pay for.

Not a miser. I'm in recovery and anyone can fuck off if they think I'm paying for their booze.

I mention things like this BEFORE we start ordering
Along the lines of " if you're drinking alcohol tonight is it ok if I just pay for what I have as I'm not drinking tonight " you could mention you're on a budget or not mention that bit , up to you
This cuts out any awkwardness later in the evening when splitting the bill
I do this very regularly when I go out with my drinking mates , never been an issue and it doesnt even have to be mentioned anymore they just accept that I pay for my own they are fine with it

It doesn't seem to be the case here but it does annoy me when people want the alcohol paid separately on top of the main bill and then it turns out that while 4 of us split a £16 bottle of wine, the 'non-drinker' had 2 cokes, or 2 fancy waters at £2.50 or £3 each.

No you're not a miser, they are massive CFs! If I go for a meal with people and anyone isn't drinking as much, or having the same number of courses, I always make sure they aren't subsidising others.

Well then they lay for their own cokes/water then and all is good?

Pay. Not lay. Definitely not lay

This. We always do it this way.

£30 is a big difference. If it was like a fiver difference I'd probs just split the bill evenly but in that scenario I'd say I'll just pay for mine separately since I'm not drinking.

Don't ask. ..just say ..I'm not drinking so I will split the food bill and the tip and you can split the alcohol. I don't drink and always used to end up paying my share of things I didn't have...your friends aren't going to say anything as their bill is cheaper. Stand up for yourself.

in cases like that I pay myself (discretely at the till) and leave them paying for their own stuff.

When I'm not drinking or even normal meals as I'll usually only have a main or 2 starters, I just calculate how much mine costs and pay that plus a tip. Also when I drink and I'm wirh someone who doesn't drink, I make sure that they just pay for what they've had.

I'm from the nordics and my bff is German and whenever we go out together it's great. We both already know we will pay our own like we would do back home. It's the default set up and if someone wants to do some other type of splitting then thars agreed separately. Just so much easier and fair. It gets so much more awkward when we go out with our other friends who dont share this obvious thing we do 😃

I always suggest paying for drinks as we go then just splitting the meal evenly at the end but it usually falls on deaf ears. There is usually at least one or two non drinkers in our group and they are usually the ones dropping everyone home too, it's very unfair.

Exactly. So head it off at the pass by saying as you sit down, 'I won't be drinking and I'm not subsidising you lot, so I'll be paying separately today'. Say it with a broad smile and a confident tone of voice

nah that's a bit forceful and aggressive. I'd just say I'll pay my own tonight thanks and go no further into it;if need be ask for separate tabs.

I doubt they're cheeky fuckers they just didn't notice. You have to say if you have issue with splitting the bill really. I'm sure I'd notice and say if you weren't drinking. It lots of people wouldn't

I think if it's always the same people driving / not drinking it's very unfair. It's ok if it changes around.
I'm vegetarian and I also feel sometimes that no one else considers that while they eat steaks etc my main meal rarely costs anything like theirs. I'm fine with it but when people then say 'x shouldn't pay as much because they drove' and my main was a lot less I do feel peeved as this means overtime I am always paying £ 10 more or so which is overlooked. But I feel mean to say anything

Yes that's true cocktail. I drink but I'm veggie so hope it evens out!

Agree with this - spent a holiday in a shared rental house in Latvia recently and my friends thought it was hilarious that my Coke Light cost considerably more per glass or bottle than their (apparently excellent) local beer. Very often, itemising the cost and splitting the tip is just the easiest and most equitable way for everyone.

I always state that I’m paying for my own food. It doesn’t matter whether other people want to split drinks, I don’t and they can do what they like.