To think friend cancelled for his benefit and not mine?

[AreWeNearlyThereYet84]

I was due to be meeting friend today for a few drinks and lunch.

I suffer from a chronic condition and was really not well last night, so I told him that I would see how I was today but we might have to reschedule.

However, this morning I woke up to get a text to say that I've had a lot going on this week with my health and personally and that we can postpone today's meet up and that he would get on with his hobby.

I have been up every few hours in the night making sure I take my medication and look after myself so I'd be OK today and so I text him that I was fine to meet up and he text back that no, we'll cancel and do it another time and to look after myself today and just chill. AIBU to think this is about him and not me? I feel really pissed off as I was looking forward to today and a bit of support after an absolute bastard of a week?

To be fair you said you may have to reschedule so instead of waiting for you to decide he's taken matters into his own hands to make sure his day isn't wasted. I don't think he's in the wrong I'd of done the same and I'm chronically Ill myself. Hope your feeling more human soon.

yes, I think you’re right. That sucks

Honestly he sounds like he felt you where likely to cancel - decided to do something else but also that he knew you where feeling unwell and didn't want to add to your stress - not mean just considerate

He probably thought he would rather know what was what than wait until you had decided in the morning and therefore missed the opportunity to do whatever it is he is doing today.

Thanks @11Hawkins . Maybe I'm just feeling sensitive at the moment. In the past we've supposed to been meeting up but then he's cancelled or I've suggested we meet up for lunch/drinks in a specific place but he's said he's tired and then I've seen a post of FB from a mutual friend and that they've gone out to the place we were supposed to go to/I suggested.

I suffer from a chronic condition and was really not well last night, so I told him that I would see how I was today but we might have to reschedule. I think he's decided as it's a nice day he'd rather not take the chance of having nothing to do. Which, whilst annoying for you, I think is not entirely unreasonable. I also have chronic illness and I totally get why you feel let down though. Maybe next time you could suggest you may have to think of an alternative activity, such as just coming round and sitting in your garden? He might have thought you were trying to get out of it yourself see.

I don't really blame him for making other plans. What was the point of your message if not to prepare him to make other plans for his weekend as you might be ill?

Oh that puts it in a different light x

I think he’s made plans thinking you’d cancel too. I obviously don’t know your chronic condition but he probably thought even if you did meet him you’d be struggling and it wouldn’t be a fun time.

This. I wouldn't like to be in limbo about weekend plans; my leisure time is too precious.

His hobby is staying home and pressing buttons on his laptop. It doesn't include any great preparation.

i have a chronic illness which can impact my ability and wouldn’t expect anyone to hold off on plans if I told them the night before I was struggling and may have to postpone. I understand it may look like he’s doing it for his benefit but it sound like it’s maybe a bit of both. If it was something that happened often, I may be more upset but if it’s the first time I would just assume he’d thought that last night’s uncertainty may have been you politely hinting that you weren’t up for it. I’m sorry you feel disappointed though OP and hope you feel better soon.

Woah
this is way worse than what he did today
he should have said last night that he wanted to make a decision
not the behaviour of a real friend all round

I would tell him you were disappointed, that you were looking forward to it and
'have been up every few hours in the night making sure I take my medication and look after myself so I'd be OK today'.

If you want to cancel for your own reasons that's fine but please let me decide what's best for me.

This just makes you sound spiteful. You told him you might have to cancel and so he's made other arrangements. No big deal.

Could you meet with another friend instead?

Well, I really didn't mean to sound spiteful.

Given your last two updates it doesn't sound like either of you like each other very much. Maybe time to give up the friendship?

You can hardly message him saying you're in poor health and then get offended when he replies to say he wants to take your health into consideration and rearrange...!

He hasn't done anything wrong here. Whether it was genuine concern for you or just frustration at plans being put into doubt, it was sensible of him to make a decision and stop any further faffing around.

After your message last night, you can surely understand why he'd just want to leave it this time. Or do you like to leave friends hanging?

What did you mean to sound then? Why did you describe his hobby as "staying home and pressing buttons on his laptop", instead of gaming or whatever it is?

Sorry you aren’t feeling well.

YABU - you said you might have to re-schedule, and obviously he wanted to have something to do do made plans. It’s fair enough, it’s his weekend.

I can see it’s irritating that he wasn’t direct about it though.

Yes you sound a bit nasty about your hobby but I agree he's decided for you to cancel but then again I also wouldn't want to wait to be told last minute that plans are off.

Sorry I meant to say about his hobby

That's just the thing though, I feel my health was his perfect excuse to call it off. He's cancelled on me plenty of times before too in our long friendship.

I'm more pissed about him using my health as the perfect excuse to cancel really.

I really don't know what you want me to say here? That I'm a bitch? Perhaps!