To be so upset DS is biting other children?

[Shiningstarinsummer]

When he was 14-16 months DS was bitten a few times at nursery and now he is the biter.

It’s so much worse. I feel so awful about it. I’ve asked the staff to pass on my apologies to the parents and have asked if the child is okay. But I am wondering what else I should be doing?

The nursery manager says it is normal and it generally improves when they have more language. When do they grow out of this?

So who are you referring to when you’re saying people pretend it’s normal to make it easier?
It is absolutely normal for toddlers to behave in unacceptable ways, be it biting, hitting, smacking. That doesn’t mean to say that we shouldn’t discourage this behaviour. But to keep berating the OP and telling her that her child isn’t normal is ridiculous.

@Putonyourshoes everyone on the thread who's claiming it is normal I'm not berating the OP. I haven't told her that her child isn't normal. Saying someone's behaviour isn't normal isn't an attack on who they are. It's not a parenting issue if it's not happening in her presence for her to tackle.

What is a parenting issue is the people whose children do it in their presence who say 'oh don't worry it's normal' so they don't have to tackle it, or the nursery teacher who says it's normal so they don't.

That’s not what the nursery teacher was doing, @girlmom21 . I really don’t know how you’ve extrapolated that.

@girlmom21 it can be a normal part of toddlerhood and still be a behaviour that needs to be managed and discouraged though. We can reassure the OP that it is normal behaviour that can be worked on with the support of nursery staff

What is a parenting issue is the people whose children do it in their presence who say 'oh don't worry it's normal' so they don't have to tackle it, or the nursery teacher who says it's normal so they don't.

Has anyone on here said that they just let their kids get on with it and don’t intervene when their child bites? You can accept that this type of behaviour is normal while also taking steps to prevent it.

DS2 went through a phase at nursery. The nursery staff did time out (this was 24 years ago - don't know if they do that now). It lasted a few weeks and he stopped. He was bitten plenty of times as well.
Once we were at soft play and I heard a blood curdling scream from where DS was playing. I was mortified and ready to grovel until I found out he was the victim not the perpetrator. The embarrassed mother of the biter couldn't believe how cool I was about it.

My DS (now very happy and well-adjusted 9 year old) did this. Nothing worked until we found a brilliant book called ‘Teeth are not for Biting’ which we read endlessly, DS loved, and she stopped biting. Sympathy though OP as it was awful at the time.

Blimey...

It's VERY common and yes, it is a normal part of human development - the first thing they do when they can move bits of their own body is stick fingers and toes in the mouth - they want to put things in their mouth, its how they get fed for fucks sake!

As they are more able to move around, again a valuable way of exploring their environment involves putting things in the mouth.

For a significant part of a childs first 18 months(and beyond), there is a HUGE element of 'things in the mouth' going on, there is also a fair degree of frustration due to their lack of ability to communicate, and their curiosity running far ahead of their motor skills.

And with all that reinforcement for putting things in the mouth it is not remotely abnormal for biting to occur when a very small child is frustrated, or simply curious to see what happens.

Normal in this context means exactly that, it is the norm.

It has not changed its meaning, it does not mean its ok, its fun, lets just sit and watch little Quentin chew his sisters arm off.

It is not acceptable to allow this normal part of one childs development, cause another child pain and distress.

But it absolutely bloody is normal. We should normalize it. Because it is normal. We shouldn't accept it and allow children to do it unchecked, or not bother to examine why they're doing it, that would be a problem.

But yes, its completely normal and doesn't mean your child is a savage monster and you don't need to be embarrassed about a bitey kid.

Now my sister carried on doing it til she was losing her fecking baby teeth and that WASN'T bloody normal and it hurt... but we didn't do much DX of ASD in girls in the 80s.

My children have been bitten and on of the three of them was a biter. Being the parent of a biter is a very very distressing experience.

We had a book called teeth are not for biting, which we read repeatedly. I got his hearing and vision checked. I apologised to parents, met with the preschool and later the school. He rarely did it at home but when he did there were consequences.

My son was diagnosed with vision impairment at the end of Reception, structural eye problems at the end of year 1, autism at the end of year 3. He didn’t bite after reception but it was another couple of years before I could pick him up from school without a sick feeling in my stomach. He’s just finished year 7 without a single demerit point to his name. They do eventually grow out of it.

Biting is very common among toddlers so ignore the poster saying it is rare.

My first child didn't bite, but was friends with a child at preschool who bit him regularly. It was upsetting that he came home with injuries, but the nursery did what they could to prevent it and I understood that the parents were mortified and doing all they could too. I had great sympathy for them.

My second child was a frequent biter. I found other parents were not as understanding as I had been and being the parent of a biter was far more stressful than being the parent of the bitten child.

If you are doing all you can to discourage the biting from home and you are sure that the nursery are doing all they can to prevent it, then I don't think there is not a lot more you can do. I do feel for you though.