To be so upset DS is biting other children?

[Shiningstarinsummer]

When he was 14-16 months DS was bitten a few times at nursery and now he is the biter.

It’s so much worse. I feel so awful about it. I’ve asked the staff to pass on my apologies to the parents and have asked if the child is okay. But I am wondering what else I should be doing?

The nursery manager says it is normal and it generally improves when they have more language. When do they grow out of this?

What are the nursery staff doing about it?

As above - they are saying no and moving him away from the situation/child.

Nursery needs to closely monitor him to prevent him biting.

At 19 months he can't be punished retrospectively. They need to deal with it there and then.

There's loads of toddler books on Amazon aimed at stopping biting.

@OneForTheRoadThen but a lot of those are aimed at slightly older children, perhaps. I don’t think he’d understand a message in a book.

My son was a biter, it was a language issue, and he obviously did grow out of it. However he was shadowed closely at nursery and if he did bite, we both agreed that at home and nursery he would get a time out for a few minutes. This gave him time to calm down and also he soon realised it wasn't acceptable.

Wow there are some really unkind and unhelpful responses here! No-one is trying to 'normalise' biting, but in my experience (20+ years working with 0-4s) I would say that it is a frequent occurrence. As mentioned by PPs, it is very much related to a lack of communication skills. When a child is frustrated, angry, in pain, feeling sad etc and does not have the verbal skills to explain how they feel, biting or lashing out are their methods of communication. They absolutely will and do grow out of it as their speech and language develops. I now work 1:1 with a 6 year old with SEN. She is a biter, for the same reason: her language skills are delayed and she finds it incredibly frustrating. Explaining why she shouldn't bite is counter-productive; she KNOWS that she shouldn't, but it's not a conscious choice when she does, so the knowledge doesn't help. I intervene to stop the situation escalating, but I am lucky that I only have one child to watch. Nursery staff do their very best, but with the best will in the world it's just not possible to have eyes on every child for every second of the day. I totally understand why you are concerned OP, but it does pass!

No-one is trying to 'normalise' biting

Except everyone, including the nursery teacher, who's saying it's normal and he'll grow out of it

You’ve taken that sentence out of its surrounding context, though, @girlmom21

It is obviously fairly normal for toddlers to do things that the general population don’t. Normal for toddlers doesn’t equal ‘normal.’

Of course it equals normal for that age group - which it's not.

Well, from everything I have read, biting is fairly normal for this age group so I think we can safely agree to disagree.

Whilst some children definitely do it it is a deeply unpleasant experience being bitten.

My friends son went through a stage and she immediately lifted him away from the play, repeating No and put him in his play pen on his own.

She would pick him up and leave immediately wherever we were, coffee morning, toddler group, soft play.

It was a pain in the ass but he quickly learnt he was leaving wherever she was.

I would speak to the nursery and make sure they are very quickly and firmly removing him.

Disciplinary action later doesn't work, it needs to be instant.

Hopefully it will pass quickly, but firm action is required.

It is very upsetting to be bitten.

OP has come here asking for advice. What is yours?

They need to be intervening before it happens. As the parent of a child that was bitten 3 times by the same child, closing the stable door after the horse has bolted isn't effective. At 19mo, your baby needs distracting before they manage to bite, not removing once it's happened. Your nursery needs to step up and be more vigilant.

Oh yeah 19 month old children are still doing it at 5!

Not!

Biting kids are the worst.
Embarrassing. And all the pps saying its normal???? No. It is COMMON not normal.

And it's common because people pretend it's normal - because it's easier that way

It means nothing. Some children bite, you say “no” and stop them till they stop themselves, some grip hard, some shout, some slap, some pull hair, some say mean things. Help them to better ways like everything else.

I had one biter in five and he is the kindest gentlest most thoughtful young man you could ever wish to meet.

Biting is a normal part of childhood development Look it up.

Seconding the recommendation for "Teeth are Not For Biting" - We got it for our biter at about 18m old and he absolutely got the message even though young. We read to him every evening and repeated it often, if we said the phrase "ouch! Teeth are not for..." he would parrot "biting!" and the incidents at nursery slowed right down. In fact it worked so well that we've since got Feet Are Not For Kicking and Hands Are not For Hitting - They're for older kids and full of useful alternatives to the bad behaviour.

If what you are saying is true, and this it isn’t normal, what would you do to stop a one year old from biting, when at nursery, away from the parent?
If it’s as abnormal as you say it is and people only pretend it’s normal to make their lives easier then please do impart your wisdom as to how wonderful parents like you stop this behaviour before it even starts.

It is pretty common in toddlers and they do grow out of it. Some children hit/push/tantrum instead of biting, all of these are a way of expressing emotions that they cannot yet verbalise and that is a normal developmental phase it’s just that biting is probably the one that is most upsetting.
As long as nursery as keeping a close eye on him and dealing with it appropriately then I wouldn’t worry, it will pass.

@Putonyourshoes I've already voiced my opinion on that. The nursery need to tackle the biting at nursery. They need to closely monitor the child and ensure he doesn't get the opportunity to bite.

My child was bitten twice. I never blamed the parents or the other child as it happened on nurseries watch. The first time is fine. It happens. It shouldn't be allowed to happen a second time.

Just to point out here that DS has also been bitten. I’m not remotely condoning it, it’s horrible, but I don’t think it’s my terrible parenting that has led to it. I can try the book but he doesn’t really engage with books that aren’t interactive in some way.