I've ended my marriage

[TiddyTidTwo]

It was abusive and toxic. I feel a great weight has been lifted. I'm 50 and my focus is going to be on my adult children, my career I worked so hard for and my dog, cat and horse and live in my little 16th century cottage.

I'm painting the bathroom over the weekend.

You're going to need a playlist. Start with She Let Herself Go by G

George Strait.

You sound so happy, and the cottage delightful. I hope you have a brilliant vivid colour for the bathroom.

That's great op. You will cherish the peace and freedom, enjoy :)

Good on you OP for taking back control. Enjoy living life again 😁

That feeling of relief, a life without them in it, is amazing. Well done

The end of something means the beggining of sthg else.
Build the life you want, decorate your cottage how you want, grow a beautiful garden, make it really homely and cozy, invite friends over for dinners, spend quality time with your adult children ( maybe grandchildren too soon ) go out withouth having to compromise, make new friends, get involved in activities or projects you are interested in. Re-member yourself.
You are only 50, so lucky you live in a 16th century cottage too.

I'm a firm believer in redecorating after a breakup. After splitting from two useless husbands and one long term partner I painted my front room red, purchased a sofa that would no way have been agreed to and bought the brighest rug. So good on you. Fill your lovely cottage with friends and happiness.

I genuinely don’t understand.

what is your AIBU? If you’re just posting to declare it, then well done to you. Wishing you a happy life etc. I just don’t get it?

Sorry about the AIBU but I couldnt find the right topic on the app 😂 I've got pink paint. Proper girly pink.

Thanks for the lovely messages. Onwards and upwards from now on.

Why would you say this? Are you some sort of monitor? Yes it probably would've been better in the chat or relationships section but who the hell cares about that?

My cottage is very small but perfect for one and manageable.

I want to decorate it just for me. I have a vision in my head of what I want. I will need to get outside help with some of it but in time.

Feels so good saying it out loud!

I’m happily married…but your new life sounds wonderful and so full of freedom and possibilities and peace.

Cottage, animals, children of an age where you can have a great relationship without all the dog’s body work…and no more abusive idiot around! Bliss.

Enjoy every moment

This is the right moment for a yaaaaasss qwueeeen!

I can highly recommend separation after being miserable for so long ! It’s as happy as imagined married life to be and more .
good on you !

🙌🙌🙌

Happy for Mumsnet to move to the appropriate section?

"The end of something means the beggining of sthg else.
Build the life you want, decorate your cottage how you want, grow a beautiful garden, make it really homely and cozy, invite friends over for dinners, spend quality time with your adult children ( maybe grandchildren too soon ) go out withouth having to compromise, make new friends, get involved in activities or projects you are interested in. Re-member yourself.
You are only 50, so lucky you live in a 16th century cottage too."

This! You've summed it up perfectly and made me excited!! 😊

I’m really going through it with mine. He’s just gone off for a few days, but as he was leaving announced he won’t be speaking to me anymore and that I have a mental health problem. I wanted to say the only mental health problem I have is that my therapist recommended I speak up more.

So the fact you are out of an abusive and toxic relationship and in your cottage is very inspiring and gives me hope.

I like decorating, so I’ll come and give you a hand - can I suggest blush pink?

@sleepymum50

You are where I was at. I think what did it for me is when he went away for the weekend and it was bloody bliss! Just me and the animals. I tidied the garden, the cottage was spotless, I indulged in Netflix and ate lovely food. I didn't want him to come home and ruin my peace.

@sleepymum50

Oh the old mental health thing. Yeah they make us like that. It's not you. It's him.

Yes, the only time I can relax is when he’s out of the house.

Can I ask how did you kept going when you were in the midst of it? My therapist says I must keep asking myself “what do I want”.

Any tips from someone who made it out alive, most welcome here.

Alcohol!! Funnily enough when he's not here I don't drink. That was another enlightening moment. I felt so much better physically and really focussed on doing nice things.

He hasn't left yet. He's been sleeping on the sofa since Christmas but I've absolutely made it clear last night we are over. Done. And I'm not going back on it. I've told my kids and family and they are incredibly supportive. My brother wants him gone asap he is absolutely furious.

I will drive him out with pink paint 😂

I sooo get this.
I divorced in my early 40s. Moved into my own little place, painted my bedroom white and put tiny holographic snowflakes on the walls. White drapes on my four poster bed, white carpet.
I'd never have done that with him, but god, l loved it. It was so calm and peaceful, l just loved going to bed when l'd dreaded it for so long. I still do.

Redecorating makes it just 'yours'. The way YOU want it.
Well done, OP. It's a huge thing whatever age you are, but I'm so happy for you.
There's nothing better than having peace of mind in a place you feel is 'yours'.
I wish you a long and happy life, with your children and animals. xxx

Made up for you OP. You sound like a weight has lifted.

I'll bet your kids are so happy for you too. You're free 💐

My beloved papa died last year. He was my rock. I didn't want to upset my mum but in fact, she's been amazing as has my brother. He's been saying don't worry about anything just get rid!

I've also just told my aunty everything. I've been ordered to go round and see her to talk everything through as she's been there.

I feel so emotional having all this support when I've been pretending for so long that everything was perfect.