Do you let your children read their school report?

[FawnFrenchieMum]

YABU - Yes of course I do
YANBU - No I don’t

What’s your reasoning behind your answer?

No but only because it comes to my email adress and is downloaded onto my computer.

I do tell him pretty much what it says though, to be honest he doesnt and never has had any type of behavioral issues so its mostly just reflective of his test results which are usually high compared to his year group but they always focus on the one subject he is doing less well in - for the last 2 years its been RE as hes going through a 'religeon is uncool' thing now hes a teen.

Pretty much his report just blathers on about focusing harder in RE and its not a hill to die on with him given he is doing great in everything else.

Its just not an important core subject and in all my life (every higher eucation application and job interview) no one has ever asked for my RE GCSE result/certificate lol.

When I was a kid I dreaded report day though, I was always terrified as we werent allowed to read them (handed in a sealed envelope that we werent allowed to open and had to hand off straight to our parents) so you had no idea how much trouble you where in.

I think there was also a fear because my dad use to tell us how he would try to hide his because he knew he'd get a hiding (I'm pretty sure he is undiagnosed dyslexic) so I have never gone down that route of hiding it.

My DS is pretty stoic in emotions he shows but Im pretty sure hes never been scared because its always been good news and no one has ever relayed to him that report 'could' come with 'punishments'.

I’ve always shared but our kids generally do better than average even when they’re floundering and need a bit of a kick up the bum. I might have a very different approach if their reports were different.

That sounds like parents evening which is a seperate thing here but serves the exact same purpose lol.

As a teacher I write reports with the expectation most children will read their own. I ensure there are two positive things in each section and any try to frame areas for development as a next steps to be worked on. All my class know what their next steps are through so they shouldn’t come as a surprise.

The grids are harder to dress up though. If a child is making slower progress or always needs extra encouragement to complete work I can’t tick the ‘very good/always’ box. For reports where there are more ticks towards the negative side I go back and change a few to make them more positive. It’s difficult to get a balance between completely honest and seeing the potential. I’d hate to think a parent opened a report I’d read and cried over it. Usually I’ve spoken to those parents a lot over the year so they know the situation and the report emphasises the positives.

Do you know how "well" your children are doing at this stage? Compared to what?

Ha ha, yes. I had "Jane is apathetic". I didn't know what apathetic meant but it didn't sound like a compliment!

I can imagine it is a difficult balance. So many children, different aptitutes and rates of development, parents must be just as hard to manage!
And judging at primary level is not a completely accurate picture of ultimate success.
My DD was a slow learner, in my day these children were called "remedial"- such a perjorative word. She struggled through primary, with language especially, had time with additional needs teacher most days, but was a hard worker and eager to improve.
She put everything into exams in secondary, enough passes to get to university, and graduated last year. Now working as a peadiatric intensive care nurse ( and teaches ballet on her days off).
I am not posting as a boast- just to give an example of how early school reports are not always a measure of outcome.

Of course the know the contents of them, everyone needs to know the areas of their work and behaviour that need praise and the areas the require additional attention to improve.
Constructive criticism is an important thing to take on board throughout life so best to start young and help nurture ways to address.

Yes. Although the secondary school report is just a load of numbers for academic stuff and a/b/c/d for behaviour, effort, homework. No comments or anything.
The primary one is lovely and my 8 year old loved reading it. She took on board the constructive criticism too.

People have very poor imaginations if they "can't imagine" why someone wouldn't, or need to ask "why wouldn't you?"

Of course share if the report contains information that is suitable for your child and that they will get something out of, postive and/or negative.

But schools are different, teachers are different - some reports are much more forthright and aimed at parents than others, and might contain information that the parents need to know (how much a child is struggling), but the child might need a more paraphrased interpretation of. Really depends on the school, the teacher, and the child, so there is no blanket rule that would be appropriate for everyone

Never had a reason to consider not showing him, even when it wasn't all positive. I can understand in certain circumstances there may be reasons, such as SEN.

I don't think for NT children parents are doing them any favours hiding the report from them in an attempt to shield them from reality. Your child will know if they are behind/average/ahead of their peers and an open discussion about it and exploring ideas with them of what they can do/how you can support them can only help.

Yes I always have, but understand why you may not if your child has SEN

When I was at school, and also when my DDs were at school, the written report was given to each child to take home to their parents. So of course the children read them - before their parents even saw them!
My 5 year old used to correct her reception teacher’s spelling on it before handing it to me. (But she was autistic and gifted, with a reading age of 12 by age 5, and IQ of over 160.)

I think it really depends how they are doing and what the comments are. My younger child who is very academic has a glowing report with high achievement and effort grades. My older DC has had a tough year emotionally and academically and the report is fairly frank about what they have struggled with though it has praised their effort - it would do them no good at all to read it.
So I've decided just to give them some high level overview of how they've done and praise them lots for the their hard work. It is difficult when the difference between them is so marked.

Bet you know now though and very much doubt you're apathetic!!!

Yes, I always did.

My parents never let me read mine until after they had seen them. I had to carry the precious envelope home on the bus with friends all happily reading theirs at the bus stop or even while they were walking to the school gate.

My DCs all had online access to their reports and teacher remarks in high school.

My children are secondary age. They are shown their reports in form time on the same day that they are emailed to parents.

So funny you mention this
My DS got his excel sheet today. Just numbers which refer to grades and effort

And I said to dh "so different from the thick packet with a sheet of a5 per subject we got at that age"
He and I both went private but can afford to for our kids at all
"not worth paying all that money for though really!" 😂

It's really interesting what you've said @PeachCottonTree and any other teachers who have a view. Do you think it's helpful for children with SEN to read their reports when every year they are likely to have low achievement ratings no matter how hard they try?
I'm torn as I'm trying to stress the progress/effort DC has made but seeing in black and white that they are ranked low and the behavioural problems they struggle with is hard for me to read about - let alone them if they have low self esteem. But I appreciate that when they go into secondary they will end up being more aware of all this anyway.

One more in. I am litteraly ruined. 😂😂😂.

I read them then read them to my DCs, possibly with mild editing. DS1 has a collection of SENs, but is very bright. We know what his areas of difficulty are and have always been honest in a positive way about them. DS2 has no diagnoses but can be sensitive and again has a couple of areas of difficulty.

They need to know the gist of it and what they do well. What they struggle with isn't news and is best acknowledged in a light touch way.

Yes. My children work extremely hard all year so they deserve to hear the praise from that and know how their actions in school translate onto paper.

this absolutely

At infants school and now junior school, all the annual reports we have received have attainment grades:

Working above the expected standard for their age (also called ‘Greater Depth’ level)
Working at the expected standard for their age
Working towards the expected standard for their age.
Working below the expected standard for their age.

Then there’s also a grade for attitude to learning in each area:

Outstanding
Very good
Average
Improvement required.

Plus a paragraph from class teacher

Yep. I would often give mine a several pages ripped out heavily edited version 😬