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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being kept talking and can't get away! School gates

29 replies

gabi2e · 15/07/2022 10:55

Just that really..
I walk my DD to school then have to head off straight to work for a prompt 9am start. This leaves me with about 10-15 minutes at the most. It's a 10 minute walk to the store where I work.
On the school run I'm always dressed in work uniform and ID lanyard, so it's obvious that I'm heading to work... but I still struggle getting away from other mums who want to stop for a chat.
I usually walk briskly and just said "hi" "bye" kind of things whilst walking, to let them know politely I'm in a hurry and can't stop.
Yesterday one of them kept me talking about basically nothing for 10 minutes, moaning about the weather, her garden and so on... I tried all my usual prompts to get away but she wasn't picking up on them at all. A few of them are similar, especially the mums who don't have to rush off to get to work for a set time straight after school drop off.
Any tips? I struggle with assertiveness and obviously don't want to upset people or some across rude or ignorant in being unable to stop for a chat.
Other working mums have this issue?

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 15/07/2022 10:56

“lovely to speak to you, must dash got to get to work, bye”
Then walk off

Sirzy · 15/07/2022 10:57

Just say “sorry I need to get to work” surely

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 15/07/2022 10:58

Just say sorry you can't stop as you have to get to work but you'll catch up soon. Your first mistake is stopping instead of carrying on walking

ComDummings · 15/07/2022 10:59

You need to be blunt. “I need to rush to work, see you later” and walk off.

HollowTalk · 15/07/2022 11:00

Sunglasses would help so they can't look you in the eye.

GreenManalishi · 15/07/2022 11:01

This isn't a working mum issue, this is a boundaries issue. You've identified that you struggle with assertiveness, start there.

CanIGoHomeNowPlease · 15/07/2022 11:01

Be blunt.

Sorry I have to get to work - speak to you later

bosh off you go.

endofagain · 15/07/2022 11:01

I used to get up to jogging speed and wave cheerily. Never slow down or pause. In my case it really was a case of having to run anyway.

EV117 · 15/07/2022 11:03

My husband is like this, I don’t get it.
I just say ‘hi’ as I keep briskly walking.
If that’s no good ‘sorry, I need to get to work,’ and then walk off. All with a smile, I don’t see how anyone can take offence.
If you regularly let people pull you into conversation in the morning they understandably think you’re not in a rush 🤷‍♀️

Clymene · 15/07/2022 11:04

Don't make eye contact. Sunglasses is a good shout.

The moment someone opens their mouth to speak, interrupt and say 'would love to chat but I've got to get to work!' and walk off. For all they know, you don't start until 9.30

iknowimcoming · 15/07/2022 11:04

I'd be embarrassed if I was yarning on to someone and made them late for work so look at it from that angle maybe? Big smile (don't stop walking) and 'sorry I'd love to chat but I have to be at work at 8.55 so I'll see you later' increase speed of walking and wave! (Maybe look at working on your assertiveness too)

MrsSkylerWhite · 15/07/2022 11:06

“Sorry, I need to be at work”, without stopping. “Have a good day”.

AlisonDonut · 15/07/2022 11:06

Look at watch
Say 'oh my is that time time, must dash'
Walk to work

abigailsnan · 15/07/2022 11:08

" Sorry no time to chat I must love you & leave you" works every time then keep on walking.

KettrickenSmiled · 15/07/2022 11:29

I tried all my usual prompts to get away but she wasn't picking up on them at all

You need to stop struggling with assertiveness & stop using prompts & hints.
The best way to do this is to realise that YOU DO NOT NEED PERMISSION to disengage.
You do not need to wait for a pause, wait for the penny to drop, wait for someone else to 'release' you.
Just go!

Soften it with a big smile, & say something like ""lovely to see you, can't stop I'm running late" & just keep, or start, walking off.

Once you have done that, you need another realisation:
You DO NOT NEED APPROVAL from anyone else for deciding not to stop & chat.
Anyone who is so self-absorbed that they can't accept "sorry gotta dash" is not someone who you want a social relationship with anyway.

goldfinchonthelawn · 15/07/2022 11:37

"I can't stop or I'll be late for work. See you' - and keep moving. But also, just use eye contact or lack of it. Keep yur eyes on your daughter until you say goodbye to her, then eyes down and run. if you are already chatting waiting for gates to open, say, 'Got to run as soon as she is in - early start at work today.'
If you get really blunt mums who don't get the hint you are allowed to ignore them. They don't care about your feelings so don't worry about theirs.

Winkydink · 15/07/2022 11:41

I’ve said YABU as they are not holding you hostage. You just need to state clearly that you start work at 9am and can’t be late. Big smile and walk away.

Dancingwithhyenas · 15/07/2022 11:50

You definitely just need to get better at leaving. People aren’t going to grab you by the shoulders and force you to stay to chat. So this is all in your control.
I’ve found “right, must dash, see you soon!” Whilst walking off works well.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 15/07/2022 11:58

I find running into the schoolyard 30 seconds late screaming AAAaasargh!, screeching up to the doors and screaming "Have a good day!" as you launch your child inside, then weaving through the lingering parents like a weasel as I run back out and break for the tube station tends to deter conversation.

Summerslam · 15/07/2022 12:00

Just be more assertive - lovely to see you, catch up soon, got to go, bye!

JauntyJinty · 15/07/2022 12:08

MrsSkylerWhite · 15/07/2022 11:06

“Sorry, I need to be at work”, without stopping. “Have a good day”.

This - the important bit being "withouth stopping"!

Give polite cheery repsonses but keep your feet moving! As soon as they stop you have have to try to break the conversation

Marmighty · 15/07/2022 12:13

Two other ways to break their flow, to enable you to say you need to leave, are to either say their name, which should make them pause, ie 'Sue, it's lovely to see you, I have to run, see you soon' or lightly touch their arm, then say your piece. Or just don't break your stride so they can't get started. Lots of smiling and waving.

Pinkdelight3 · 15/07/2022 12:46

headphones and sunglasses. a nod and smile is enough then i'm outta there.

IamnotSethRogan · 15/07/2022 12:55

"I'm so sorry to interrupt but I really have to get to work"

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 15/07/2022 13:01

I once got this for 3 hours. No joke. I didn’t really know how to shut her up.