That's not who I am anymore

[Margotshypotheticaldog]

I had a wild time from around 18-25. Misspent youth, lost weekend ( every weekend) Drink, drugs, alot of bad behaviour. Damaged mostly only myself tbh.
I started to get my shit together around 26/27 and basically rebuilt myself from the ground up. Im proud of who I am now, but I'm not proud of who I was then.
I met someone tonight from home, that I hadn't really seen since the bad old days and she just kept bringing it up. Do you remember when we...etc etc. 😔 I just kept saying " gosh yes, such a long time ago."
Aibu to want the past to stay in the past? It's been over 20 years. I made alot of mistakes but it made me who I am today.

This was my thought as well - You say she Starts things with "Do you remember when we" the "we" suggests to me she's just reminiscing of times she enjoyed rather than trying to remind you of times you find hard to think about.

I think I could be your friend (not literally!) I also had a wild time through my 20s and have now clamed right down and got life together - but I see those times as part of what made me and enjoy talking about them with the people I shared them with. I think (and hope) if I was told gently by one they'd rather not talk about those days I'd take that on board so maybe that's all that's needed?

Thanks for all the replies. In the cold light of ( the next) day, maybe I did overreact. She possibly was just making idle chat and didn't realise that I don't look back fondly on those days.
And thank you to those who've said they had a wild youth and moved on without a backward glance. If it happens again I'll be ready!
"Gosh over 20 years ago, so much has changed, we're not the people we used to be etc etc" 😁

I'm similar to you. But the way I see it, my past was part of the journey to where I am now, and if that had have been different, I wouldn't be the same person. Every experience, regrettable or otherwise, builds the person, and you're happy with who you are now. A bit of harmless reminiscing doesn't detract from that and reminds you how far you've come.

I have a similar past with behaviours that mostly stemmed from trauma. Which sometimes then caused further trauma,which escalated the behaviour and on and on I went.

However, I don't mind reminiscing. Some things were actually fun/funny and even if stupid I was in a group where we had each other's back and we were all stupid together. Others, where I realise that it was fun for others even if I was dying inside. There are very few I'm actually ashamed of and they were definitely fucked up but I learned to understand the behaviour and the underlying causes of it. So I can laugh and reminisce about most of it,while feeling safe and secure that not only am I not that person anymore, but I won't ever be again either because I found other (healthy this time) coping mechanisms and I also know my triggers/potential downfalls very well.

It takes huge strength of character to change and grow. She’s probably a little jealous and intimidated.

Yes that's very true 5128. I think I surprised everyone, myself included, with how far I've come from where I was.

@IdontWanna
It's interesting that you mention trauma driving the behaviour. That definitely resonates with me.

Ugh my old friends do this with me all the time. I fucking hate it but it's all they can talk about. I think it is because they miss me being a fuck up and try to put me back in that place because it makes them feel more comfortable with themselves. People find it hard to let other people change it think.

I have this with two women I was close with in my wild days.
It’s been a few years since I sorted my life out and became the most boring women on earth. They seem to still be very interested, and remember more than I do about my life then. It’s a bit sad that they need twenty year old memories to make themselves feel good about themselves.
I don’t see them much now. I don’t like to be reminded of behaviour that was fuelled by self hate.

I suspect she was reminiscing about the past.

I wouldn't take it personally.

I have a similar past, it's not my finest experience but I know what lead me down the road of self destruction.

I've changed too.

It's the past - forget it or accept it was what you were doing a long time ago.