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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Really though?

38 replies

lilly90x · 14/07/2022 15:48

So I'm OLD, matched with someone and we got on like a house on fire, so we started arranging meeting. He is based in Yorkshire and I'm based in the Midlands. He wanted me to travel 2 hours up to Manchester. When I suggested that we meet at a half way point, he said there are only little villages and towns in those places, which is equally about 35ish miles for both of us. I meant there are Costas and Starbucks everywhere 🤣 and first meet ups aren't meant to be a day trip to a shopping centre - so he then goes on to say:

Fair enough that’s totally understandable, I’ve actually enjoyed the convo with u, and hope u find what u searching for
Best of luck

I replied back, I hope you find what you are looking for too.

Am I being unreasonable? Not wanting to travel so far on the first date?

OP posts:

Dotjones · 14/07/2022 15:51

Neither of you are unreasonable in this circumstance.

TuftyMarmoset · 14/07/2022 15:54

Dodged a bullet there I think!

takealettermsjones · 14/07/2022 15:59

Neither of you are unreasonable. It might also take him 2 hours to get from Yorkshire to Manchester, depending on where he lives, but that's not really the point.

You've figured out that he likes the big-city excursions and you like village coffee shops, so you may not be compatible. Everyone was polite and that's that.

Original poster

lilly90x · 14/07/2022 16:03

takealettermsjones · 14/07/2022 15:59

Neither of you are unreasonable. It might also take him 2 hours to get from Yorkshire to Manchester, depending on where he lives, but that's not really the point.

You've figured out that he likes the big-city excursions and you like village coffee shops, so you may not be compatible. Everyone was polite and that's that.

He was 10 miles from Manchester, whereas I'm 76 miles from Manchester.

I don't mind the City, hence why I suggested Sheffield which has a beautiful shopping centre and lovely restaurants. Even Sheffield was closer to him, so that suggestion was surely more than reasonable.

OP posts:

Ponoka7 · 14/07/2022 16:04

Unless you live and n a small village type place, I don't see the need for a ldr. Or unless you only wanted an occasional weekend meet up, but again you could get that closer to home.

10HailMarys · 14/07/2022 16:05

Neither of you was being unreasonable. Those are the sorts of things that are often quite good indicators that people aren't compatible. And in any case, there is never any obligation to go on a date with someone, ever - people are fully entitled to call things off for any reason they like, however trivial it might seem to others.

deedledeedledum · 14/07/2022 16:07

You dodged a bullet. He wasn't willing to meet halfway? Then he isn't worth meeting

Original poster

lilly90x · 14/07/2022 16:09

I just thought it's an equal thing, if you're both not feeling each other on the day, then it doesn't feel like a day wasted and you both go your separate ways.

OP posts:

takealettermsjones · 14/07/2022 16:14

lilly90x · 14/07/2022 16:03

He was 10 miles from Manchester, whereas I'm 76 miles from Manchester.

Show quote history

Okay. Well you didn't say that in your OP 🤣

Onwards and upwards!

Thereisnolight · 14/07/2022 16:16

It’s not the where, it’s the fact that he wanted you to do all the travelling. He would not put himself out for you and he would therefore not be a good person for you to be in a relationship with.

TiddleyWink · 14/07/2022 16:19

You’ve done the right thing. I wouldn’t dream of travelling two hours to meet a bloke who couldn’t be bothered inconveniencing himself to meet even half way. Good on you for having standards, you would have looked desperate if you’d gone running to him.

Edwardoo · 14/07/2022 16:21

He wanted you to travel 66 miles more than him to Manchester and then wished you good luck when you said let's meet halfway? He's so low effort I don't think he was interested enough. It's good you found out early.

TiredYorkshireMam · 14/07/2022 16:23

I think you've dodged a bullet. Think that last message sounded goady and guilt trippy.

Edwardoo · 14/07/2022 16:39

Yeah he flounced out. Pathetic.

Original poster

lilly90x · 14/07/2022 16:48

Some of the messages when he screenshot his unmatched list.

OP posts:

Edwardoo · 14/07/2022 17:11

God, he sounds like those guys who frequent incel some colour pill cult where male losers egg each other with dating strategy how to make her make the effort and exchange tips on 'getting females'.
He sounds so bitter. It's in your favour you never met! Guys that go off like that are so jaded and angry I'd avoid like hell.

GinGym · 14/07/2022 17:16

Probably for the best if you can't agree on where to meet up. You might find he has been burned before with travelling to meet ups

Original poster

lilly90x · 14/07/2022 17:25

Mumsnet has previously given me great advice, hence why I turned to the platform.

For me it felt like a cop out on his part, almost expecting a woman to run to him (I've done this before and it's never had a good outcome!), for me it was having some self respect for myself and not chasing someone. He had to show me screenshots he was only talking to me on the app.

OP posts:

Original poster

lilly90x · 14/07/2022 19:33

GinGym · 14/07/2022 17:16

Probably for the best if you can't agree on where to meet up. You might find he has been burned before with travelling to meet ups

I've been burnt too, but I don't base my relationships or meeting new people on those experiences. That's very unfair.

OP posts:

Americano75 · 14/07/2022 19:36

If he can't even be arsed to meet you halfway then you have indeed dodged a bullet with this guy.

Bdragon · 14/07/2022 20:20

I was in exactly this scenario a while back. 2 hours from each other, nowhere nice inbetween. Lots of good chat, then a spontaneous suggestion from him that we meet up. I agreed to travel because where he lived was a nice day out anyway, and I had time as I was unemployed.

Big mistake, he was a tosser. Despite me just being made redundant, and paying train fare there and back, he didn't offer to pay for a drink, or lunch (which was cheap anyway). And he was a horrible person.

So you did the right thing. I'd never not meet halfway again.

Original poster

lilly90x · 14/07/2022 20:44

Bdragon · 14/07/2022 20:20

So you did the right thing. I'd never not meet halfway again.

I'm sorry to hear it was so shitty!

He kept making it known that he's only available weekdays and not weekends. I was quite vocal that I'm a teacher and work a full time job.

I've only just learnt better boundaries, so here's to the first of many 🥂

OP posts:

Catsdrool · 14/07/2022 20:49

I’d probably have ditched him on the basis of those messages tbh doesn’t sound worth your time!

Meraas · 14/07/2022 20:55

It’s depressing how many women here are saying the guy wasn’t being unreasonable or that he must have been burned before. Meeting halfway, in another city, was more than fair.

No wonder men get away with so much crap.

Ginandslippers · 14/07/2022 21:04

I'm just here to ask where he lives that is in Yorkshire but only 10 miles from Manchester? Very confusing. Anyway sorry you've had a bad experience OP and think you're better off rid early on. If he's not willing to travel on the first date it doesn't have far to go downhill from there does it.

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