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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think £20 a week

45 replies

HerRoyalHappiness · 14/07/2022 04:31

Is fucking ridiculous for 3 children.

This is what my ex.said he was going to start paying me in child support.

We've been split 2 and a half years
Our original agreement was that he'd pay half of all clothes, unoforms, school trips and birthday parties.
A lot of the time he didn't do what he'd said and would leave me to sort it all.
One year he even tried to claim that my best friends presents to the DC were off him because he was too tight to spend any money on them and then felt guilty when he saw the effort my best friend had put in. (I soon put them straight)

Now he's decided that what I buy is too expensive (I shop in primark or George at asda for clothes, aldi/asda/Iceland for party food and I can't control the cost of uniforms or school trips) not that he was paying half anyway.

So he told me he will give me £20 a week.

For 3 kids.

One of which is a 13 year old boy in adult size s clothes and 9 feet.

£20 doesn't even cover half what they need each week. He must think they live off dust and water and never need new clothes or shoes.

Thing is I'm not even holding my breath for the £20. It won't be long before he claims he camy afford it.

So AIBU to think he's a tight sod and should pay more if he's going to pay at all?

And before anyone asks he does have more money spare but he's becoming dependent on alcohol, drinking 6-10 bottles of lager a night. He's told me how much he drinks and that he will not give up his alcohol because I asked him not to drink when he had the kids. He refused.
All of his spare cash goes on alcohol and tobacco

OP posts:
BritInAus · 14/07/2022 04:56

Is the amount not means-tested / set through a government system? I didn't think people were able to set their own amount?

Solidarity - it's shit. My ex DP didn't work again after we split. So contributed a big fat $0.

Original poster
HerRoyalHappiness · 14/07/2022 04:57

We've not gone through CMS, it's an informal agreement. He's already told me if I go through CMS he will quit work and I'll get pennies because he'll be on benefits

OP posts:
LJAKS · 14/07/2022 05:03

I'd be calling his bluff on that one. He's unlikely to want to live on the pittance he'd be entitled to on benefits as an NRP. CMS all the way, at this point you've got nothing to lose. There's a calculator online if you know what he earns, that's you're starting point. If he won't agree to it CMS and let him quit if he thinks benefits is an easy option.

Original poster
HerRoyalHappiness · 14/07/2022 05:07

I think I'll have to. He's not contributing to the kids at all right now. because the £20 a week will only start once hes paid off the snake he bought for DDs birthday and christmas present. (Yep a singular present between the 2 events)
I'm on benefits (disabled) and it certainly isn't easy at all you're right.

OP posts:
Themidnightcat · 14/07/2022 05:10

I would absolutely be calling his bluff on that one too like you said £20 doesn't cover anything and the benefit system doesn't work that easily I mean if he quit work for no reason then I don't think he'd even get benefits (not the full amount anyway) he could hand in sick notes but it's takes ages for it to be accepted and he'd have to look for work in the meantime so it won't be a walk in the park for him plus if he's dependent on alcohol he'll really struggle on £300 and odd plus his rent.

Go down the CMS route, he'll only be making his own life more miserable if he quits.

Original poster
HerRoyalHappiness · 14/07/2022 05:12

I've just done the CMS calculator. He should be paying £57 a week. So almost £40 more than he thinks he should pay.

I'll definitely go to them. He can't keep getting away with not contributing to his own children.

OP posts:
BritInAus · 14/07/2022 05:33

I agree with pP. Call his bluff. Go through the system and let them chase him. If he's doing practically nothing now, it can't really get worse. What a loser he is!

2catsandhappy · 14/07/2022 05:37

Horrible isn't it. I recall an (now)ex of mine, planned baby, telling me he wasn't going to pay maintenance "because the government wouldn't let you starve."
Absolutely go ahead with CMS. You are wise to his tricks and evasions.
I doubt £20 covers the milk bill.

LaurieFairyCake · 14/07/2022 05:52

Yes definitely go to the CMS, he will be less likely to give up drink if he realises he needs to keep working to pay for it

Inthesameboatatmo · 14/07/2022 05:54

Call his bluff op. My ex threatened to call social services on me if I went to the cms all because he didn't want
to pay and thought I'd back down. I didn't and he didn't call them the prick.

Imogensmumma · 14/07/2022 06:22

Go through CMS , he won’t be able to afford his alcohol if he is on benefits. It doesn’t matter where you shop for the kids clothes he has a responsibility as a father to put feed and house them which is why CMS exists

Fuuuuuckit · 14/07/2022 06:42

My ex threatened to either quit work or move to Australia if I involved the CMS.

Guess who had had a massive pay rise and hadn't told me? As soon as it was assessed the bullshit and games stopped. Take back the power op. He's not going to quit work because he won't qualify for benefits.

Original poster
HerRoyalHappiness · 14/07/2022 07:09

Thanks everyone. Going to claim today. He'll have a lovely surprise when he gets a letter through the door demanding he pays the money he owes for his kids.

OP posts:
BritInAus · 14/07/2022 07:28

Good job @HerRoyalHappiness i also suggest you engage with him as little as possible, just any necessary communication about the children, nothing else. If he's too thick to realise he needs to support his own children, you shouldn't have to waste your energy explaining his legal and moral obligations!

SpringIntoChaos · 14/07/2022 07:35

HerRoyalHappiness · 14/07/2022 04:57

We've not gone through CMS, it's an informal agreement. He's already told me if I go through CMS he will quit work and I'll get pennies because he'll be on benefits

My ex said this to me...also (a tad dramatically!!) that he'd kill himself if I tried to take him to court for payment 🤦‍♀️

I took him to court...he's alive and well still, and kept his job as Wealth Fund Manager at an international bank! Total wanker!

fudfootedfannybangle · 14/07/2022 07:37

CMS without a doubt. It removes all emotion - and it’s very satisfying to report a late payment! 😂

PuttingDownRoots · 14/07/2022 07:39

Glad you are going to CMS.

I wish it was socially unacceptable to not pay a decent amount of child maintenance.

Meraas · 14/07/2022 07:40

BritInAus · 14/07/2022 07:28

Good job @HerRoyalHappiness i also suggest you engage with him as little as possible, just any necessary communication about the children, nothing else. If he's too thick to realise he needs to support his own children, you shouldn't have to waste your energy explaining his legal and moral obligations!

Agreed.

And OP, get that CMS claim in today!

Greenkitten · 14/07/2022 07:45

Not the point of the thread….he brought him a snake???? Like a toy snake, right? Maybe one of those remote controlled ones, maybe? He didn’t buy him an actual snake that you’ve got to house and heat and feed and vet and look after, right????? He didn’t lumber you with a actual snake did he? That’d be going straight back round his house with the child maintenance demand letter.

Original poster
HerRoyalHappiness · 14/07/2022 08:20

@Greenkitten he bought the snake for DD as her birthday and Christmas present. A live snake. That he has to feed. And care for.

OP posts:
Ragwort · 14/07/2022 08:53

He bought a snake? Shock. Where does the snake live?

RedHelenB · 14/07/2022 08:57

HerRoyalHappiness · 14/07/2022 04:57

We've not gone through CMS, it's an informal agreement. He's already told me if I go through CMS he will quit work and I'll get pennies because he'll be on benefits

You're getting pennies now. Go through cms

Testina · 14/07/2022 09:00

I’m glad you’re calling his bluff!

Greenkitten · 14/07/2022 09:02

Oh my god- a real snake! Shit! I mean they’re great pets and it’s wonderful for a kid to have a animal to care for…but fuck that’s expensive. They need electricity for the heat lamps and expensive food and different tanks as they grow and exotic vets are so so so expensive! We have a tortoise who needed a specialist exotic vet the other year and it was £500! He’d better cough up maintenance for the reptile too!

Tee20x · 14/07/2022 09:03

Ugh what a pathetic excuse of a man. Reading things like this infuriates me. You're doing all of the work the LEAST he could do is provide financial support.