To want a best friend?

[CreamyCrisp]

I'm early 50s & widowed. My children don't live close by. I have a lot of friends - male & female - but no best friend since my DH died.
I'd love to meet someone in the same boat who could come round, watch TV, do things at the weekend... Just that comfortable other.

I don't suppose I'm the only one but how do I find them?

Sounds good... probably easier to find a relationship on something like elite singles etc though

im not sure if what you’re saying is you want a new relationship or just a bestie? If it’s the latter could you try spending more time with the friends you have?
good luck op

Don’t we all, OP!

If you find out how to make a new bestie, let me know. In my experience new friends are fab for a while then quickly drift away when circumstances (job, kid whatever) change.

I think if I had a bestie I wouldn’t feel so despondent about online dating.

Meetup? Search social groups in Facebook? Join walking group or similar group and you might click with someone.
I met my closest friends at work, one was a neighbour, one at school gates. One at school. One in a Facebook group. Another is a mumsnetter she came to my wedding.
But I wouldn't say we'd be spending time watching TV etc. Sounds more like you want a close companion?

A bestie, yeah. The ones I have mostly have relationships (dysfunctional) & families so have constraints on their time.

Yes @CuriousMama a companion! Sounds very 1950s...But how do I find one?

www.togetherfriends.com/

Have you looked on there?

I think that hanging out watching TV type thing is more typical of a relationship.

My sister moved to a different city and was missing friendship.
She has been using the friendship section of the Bumble website and chatting with women in similar situation.
Literally friendship dating, if they click after chatting they meet up!
She has made two new friends this way.

Not sure I'm ready but even when I am - guys in their 50s!! They're all awful. I've looked on the apps. Terrible 🥴

It sounds very twee and cliche and awkward but, after my DSM died, my DDad went to a support group where he met a lot of friends and also met someone who developed into a partner who'd lost her DH. Support groups have a reputation but, my DDad is so far from the stereotype and met a lot of people who he connected with. Is there anything like that in your area?

Alternative, take up a hobby and eventually you'll meet someone - anything from hockey to crochet to gardening to winetasting to choir. There are a million clubs out there and they're mostly full of people who don't give a f*ck about the activity and are trying to make friends.

Good luck OP.

Did you have a best friend before you met your DH?

We met at 19 & 20. I did have a best friend but had moved away. He replaced her I guess.

I am in support groups but they're full of young mums with kids. I had my kids in my 20s and these women are 40s/50s with young kids. Thanks for suggesting though.

Where are you OP?

No its not, friends hang out too you know! What an odd thing to say

@CreamyCrisp unfortunately this is a side effect of making no effort to make friends as an adult, or maintain friendships

Many on this forum seem to be in the same boat

As I said @alphapie I do have lots of friends - in fact I have more friends than anyone I know! I am so lucky in that respect, 😁and I see some weekly and some fortnightly and some occasionally. It's something different I want. I think a companion is the right word. One person that I can pop to, rely on, hang out with...

@Pieceofpurplesky Cambridge

I really want this too
well, I dither...

I used to have a few very close friends

i don't any more and it's been so hurtful and confusing I'm not trying to get more.

Oh cross post
I think perhaps you want more than a bestie.

Are you still working full time?
if not I’d recommend the U3A. Look up your local group.
Most U3As have a vast range of groups to go along to from Zumba, book clubs, textile, art, languages, wine tasting and pretty much everything in between . You pay a modest annual subscription and the pay on door to groups you attend. They are during day time.
the aim of U3A is to continue to broaden peoples horizons in later life whether through learning new stuff or just meeting new people and making new friends

i joined up last year after divorce and moving to new area. I’m an introvert so didn’t find it easy to force myself to do something about my loneliness at first. I go to 3 regular groups and will probably do more next “term” in September. A year later and I have made a few really good friends with similar interests and now am a lady who lunches, or just pops round to mates houses for a coffee and natter. I have friends that called round to check on me when I had covid for instance. I have a good wider circle of over 50 people I know by name and have a brief chat to when I bump into them at groups or just out and about locally. I’m in so much of a better place.

see if that might suit you

@CreamyCrisp but most friends are companions in that sense.

I don't have one friend I couldn't do what you've written with, you don't have to have a 'best' label on it.

If your friends aren't people you can rely on like that they sound more like acquaintances

You're describing a partner.

@Headbandheart I nearly joined last year but didn't due to work commitments (I work part time but don't know my sessions until September) but one of my friends joined and she said the members are all 65/70+ My friend is a young 63 and I see her weekly but she described these people as old. 😩 Sounds like you're lucky with your group.

Perhaps I am @Notodaynotever but not sure I'm ready for that. I'd rather it was platonic. Uncomplicated. But easy.

See my post above. It's not easy to find partners either.