was I BU to leave a feather at my friend’s house?

[hellamay]

last week I visited a friend who has recently lost her dad. she was really close to him and is obviously devastated. she had previously mentioned finding comfort in seeing white feathers (on the ground when out for a walk etc) as she feels it’s a sign from him (I think this is pretty common although not something I believe in).

i have a feather cushion that keeps shedding bloody feathers all over the place so I brought one with me to her house and left it on the bathroom windowsill (window open so it technically could have floated in). friend later posts a picture of it on Facebook saying she was really down about her dad that day and was so pleased to have a ‘sign’ from him on a day she needed it.

DH thinks I’m a dick for tricking her like this. i don’t see the harm. AIBU?

I think this is weirdly manipulative.

This is horrible. She’s not a child at Christmas.

I like this

You shouldn’t have told your dh or put it on here tbh.
Otherwise no harm done.

weirdly controlling. Give over 🙄

I agree.

"friend later posts a picture of it on Facebook saying she was really down about her dad that day and was so pleased to have a ‘sign’ from him on a day she needed it."

Whether her dad blew the feather onto the sill directly, or indirectly motivated her friend to take the feather - if you believe, you believe. "God moves in mysterious ways" was a phrase that used to be deployed, and seems apt here. You were not being a dick, you were bringing her comfort.

No she was messing with her already fragile mind

The mental gymnastics of the woo are as spectacular as their lack of boundaries.

Whether her dad blew the feather onto the sill directly, or indirectly motivated her friend to take the feather

The mental gymnastics some take to defend their ridiculous beliefs! The Dad is dead. He had no way to motivate OP to do this, unless he specifically instructed her prior to his death.

Creepy as................

Deceitful

For the love of god, delete this thread!!!

I think you shouldn't have interfered, it will always be there now and it will come out eventually , however well intentioned you have now told thousands of people and every grieved person who believes in this will wonder if you are their friend

I agree with this. It's not a very kind thing to do.

A neighbour who had severe MH difficulties told me much the same thing after her mother died, and that a whole cascade of 'Angel Feathers' drifted down over her head as she sat on her balcony a few days after the funeral.

I could have told her that it was due to a Sparrowhawk shredding a feral pigeon with albinism on my roof, as I'd watched it take the poor thing apart from my top floor flat.

But it gave her comfort. So who was I to decide I should be truthful when the lie gave her so much?

It was a kind thing you did.

My friend told her son aged 6 whenever he saw a feather it meant granny was watching over him. She found a collection of feathers in his bedroom drawer one day. Her son told her they were feathers he had collected from granny. My heart how sweet is that

No, it's not my opinion that dead people can't move feathers around the place. It's rather more a fact. Dead people; not so good with the moving things.

I agree, please have this thread deleted

Keep it totally to yourself and get this thread deleted.

I am sure you mean well but if she finds out she will hate you forever.

You chose not to piss on someone's chips. Whatever, fair enough. OP planned a lie then followed through with it. There are few things as horrible as feeling manipulated at a difficult time. And she may never find out but that's what OP did. And OP knows she would be very upset if she found out. I don't generally do things that would upset my friends if they find out.

It's not comparable. You simply didn't correct her or challenge her beliefs. OP deliberately involved herself and deceived her friend.

People saying ‘Awwh, if it brings her comfort where’s the harm, it was kind’ need to ask themselves - what happens next time the OP’s friend has a rotten day and no white feather arrives to comfort her? Suddenly the lovely feeling that her dad is watching her from a better place evaporates. There’s nothing there to make her feel her dad is watching.

The reality is, her dad wasn’t watching. A friend with a shedding cushion was watching. And when that friend goes on holiday, or to visit family, or is busy at work and there are no feathers, or just buys a new cushion, the signs from beyond stop.

If OP’s friend had just seen the odd feather and let herself believe it was a sign, then yes, maybe it would be a comfort. But planting one to deliberately create the idea of ‘He’s always there for you really’ will ultimately only lead to more heartache.

Wow! delete this thread as could get back to her.