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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this isn’t safe?

44 replies

Curlywurlybar · 11/07/2022 14:14

Hi everyone!

my MIL has arranged for us to go to longleat on Saturday. It’s been arranged for a while and she originally told us she’d booked the tickets and the bus, I originally thought this meant the bus around the park to see all the animals instead of using our cars but I’ve realised now she means the coach from a local pick up point to take us there and back.

We have 2 DC… DS1 who is 22months and DS2 who is 3 months. AIBU to think it’s completely unsafe to put the babies on a coach on a motorway? I don’t even understand how it would work. I presume we could fit DS2s baby carrier car seat onto the coach chair but we definitely couldn’t with DS1s isofix… there’s no way he’ll sit still on a chair with a seat belt on, but even if he did, it’s still incredibly unsafe to do so? DS1 is currently in a rear facing isofix seat and has never travelled forward, let alone with no seat at all?

I really want us to drive in our own car and meet them there but DH thinks his mum will be really disappointed as she’d booked the bus so we could spend the whole day together…I’m not willing to compromise the DCs safety but don’t want to cause a problem either… AIBU to think this just isn’t safe?

OP posts:
Cameronnorrieisabitofalright · 11/07/2022 14:17

2 young dc on a coach? Def no way.
Sure the other passengers will agree wholeheartedly too!
Does mil usually plan your trips out?

chilledbubble · 11/07/2022 14:19

Absolutely not unreasonable and your DH is showing he prioritises his mums feelings over the safety of your children. He can go on the coach and you meet them all there?

Crunchymum · 11/07/2022 14:20

Never mind the coach, have you seen how blood hot it's going to be this weekend?

Longleat, with tiny ones, in very hot conditions = 😮

Aquamarine1029 · 11/07/2022 14:22

Why would you take a bus when you have your own car? That's absurd.

Original poster
Curlywurlybar · 11/07/2022 14:36

No, she’s actually never arranged anything for us before and we very rarely see them outside of their house when we visit… I think that’s why DH is so keen as we do a lot with my family and we don’t see PIL even half as much, even though we all live 5 mins from each other.

OP posts:
Cameronnorrieisabitofalright · 11/07/2022 14:42

Dc will be happier in the car mil so see you there... Cheery voice and repeat if necessary..
Or tell dh he can get the coach and you will take the dc.

Original poster
Curlywurlybar · 11/07/2022 14:43

@Crunchymum yep! That’s my next issue with going…the DC couldn’t be any fairer and are not happy in the heat.. DC1 hasn’t even been interested in the garden the last couple of days

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 11/07/2022 14:45

Ive taken a baby on a bus. Granted he was about 18 months but it was fine.

I took the car seat and left it on the bus.

To think this isn’t safe?
Alwayswonderedwhy · 11/07/2022 14:46

Much safer to take them in the car and use car seats. It'll be too hot to be sat in a coach this weekend anyway so you've got a good excuse to rearrange.

PuttingDownRoots · 11/07/2022 14:49

Do they even have seats? Not sure how coaches work in UK, but taxis they would be On parents laps..

yesitssea · 11/07/2022 14:57

If you don't take the car you won't be able to do the safari tour as well? Driving around with monkeys and lions next to your car is the best but about Longleat!

helpfulperson · 11/07/2022 14:58

Given that they are protected by the whole coach they are probably safer on that than in a car. The accident rate per journey mile for coaches is lower than cars.

Original poster
Curlywurlybar · 11/07/2022 15:02

@yesitssea apparently there’s a guided bus tour you can take instead of your car.. I’ve not been before but my SIL wasn’t keen on driving through the safari so they took the guided bus instead

OP posts:
Original poster
Curlywurlybar · 11/07/2022 15:06

@helpfulperson yeah, this is DHs view point but I just feel too uneasy about it… plus as others have mentioned, DS will be a nightmare for the other passengers and I can’t be bothered to deal with that when we could just be in our own car with our own air con/snacks/toys to keep DS entertained

But, it’s all been booked and paid for and MIL has sent a questionnaire through on which sandwiches and crisps we’d all like for the bus…

OP posts:
Cameronnorrieisabitofalright · 11/07/2022 15:22

I would be fuming dh is pandering to her...

Alloftheboys · 11/07/2022 15:25

A questionnaire for what food people want???
Bloody hell. Is MIL always this overbearing?

Delatron · 11/07/2022 15:27

I can’t see what MIL has done wrong? I guess it was just a misunderstanding when she talked about the bus. She’s tried to arrange a nice family day out and not really thought through the details.

Safety wise coaches are safer than cars. Comfort wise if there’s no air con it will be awful next week. And I understand it would be easier in your own car but I guess I can see the point that it’s all been paid for and booked and your MIL wants you all to spend time together.

You’ll have to come up with a really good reason why you need to go in your own car. Travel sickness maybe?

Delatron · 11/07/2022 15:29

I think asking what sandwiches and crips people want is nice? I guess we all see things differently and I don’t know the backstory.

I can’t see how providing food is overbearing.

helpfulperson · 11/07/2022 15:30

So actually it's not safety its comfort you are concerned about? That's understandable but please don't make it a safety issue.

Original poster
Curlywurlybar · 11/07/2022 15:39

@Alloftheboys Ah no, to be fair MIL has never been overbearing, much the opposite really and she’s just excited for us to spend the day together, wants to make it easier for us…which is why she booked the bus in the first place so that she could help out with the DCs along with SIL.

@helpfulperson In all honesty, I really don’t know much about the safety of buses/coaches. When DC1 was due, I did a lot of research to make my own car as safe as possible for him (and obviously DC2 when he came along) but I have never needed to look into any other form of transport until now.
My post absolutely is about safety… my main point being, will it be safe to put my babies on a coach, and if so how does this work?

The fact that it will be warm on the weekend is something another poster commented on which is why I mentioned air con etc

OP posts:
Whaleandsnail6 · 11/07/2022 15:43

I'd email the coach company and see what the deal is about car seats. As long as I was able to use the car seats and providing the coach had air con (which I'm sure many do?) Then I wouldn't see a problem with it.

I'd have thought it easier for you to entertain your son on a coach than driving in the car surely?

I also think the sandwich questionnaire is quite sweet,she's trying to cater to what people's preferences are.

ISpyNoPlumPie · 11/07/2022 15:44

I wouldn't take kids that age in a vehicle with no car seats unless I had absolutely no other choice. I'd just politely say that we will meet you there. I don't think my kids grandparents would ask me to do such a thing so I'm finding it a bit strange that MIL thinks it's a good idea. You'll still have a nice day, you don't have to go on the coach if you don't want to. The only person you need to reach a consensus with is your husband.

hedgehoglurker · 11/07/2022 15:47

Can you find out the coach company and ring or check their online info about car seats? I agree with pp that a coach is safer than a car, and presumably air conditioned too. I also think the questionnaire is a lovely gesture!

12cats · 11/07/2022 15:52

yesitssea · 11/07/2022 14:57

If you don't take the car you won't be able to do the safari tour as well? Driving around with monkeys and lions next to your car is the best but about Longleat!

If OP is worried about children on a coach on the motorway, I dread to think what her opinion of driving them through a lion enclosure is

Ohmygoditsgonewrong · 11/07/2022 15:54

Go by coach, it will be fun

As no one is driving so you can all give the kids more attention and you will not all be jammed in a small car

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