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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I should be able to give this money to my child if I want to!

37 replies

Inheritanceoneagain · 10/07/2022 17:18

I was left some money by my nan. I have used it for a few things on our house (jointly owned with DH) like getting our garden done and new carpets, bit of decorating in a few of the rooms, just jobs that really needed doing. I've also booked me and DH a long weekend away in Italy later this year.

I have around £700 left and I want to spend it / give it to our son. I'd like to take him out and let him choose a couple of new toys and then put the rest in his savings so it's like my nan has given him something / maybe paid for driving lessons when he's older or whatever. She'd have liked that idea as she adored him.

My husband thinks we should split it between all the children, our son and his two older sons my step children.

AIBU to say no? My Nan didn't really have much of a relationship with them and I think it should go to our son.

OP posts:
kitcat15 · 10/07/2022 17:19

It should all go to your son definately

LemonSqueezy0 · 10/07/2022 17:21

The money is yours, so you get final say. If your nan wanted anyone else to have it, she would have mentioned that in her will. Don't feel pressured, it's unfair.
Its your money, nothing else matters.

LittleSockOfHorrors · 10/07/2022 17:22

Keeping it for his driving lessons is a really good idea because when he is 17 you will be able to talk about her with him.

Of course you shouldn't split it between your son and your husband's other children.

gfwantsmoney · 10/07/2022 17:22

You are not being unreasonable. Give the money to your son.

LittlestBaoBun · 10/07/2022 17:23

You could buy them a token gift each, nothing expensive but something with some meaning, from you to them, but it shouldn't be split.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/07/2022 17:23

Your husband has got some nerve, hasn't he?

That money is for your child, not his.

Narcheska · 10/07/2022 17:24

YANb you’ve invested some of the money into joint things like the house and since they didn’t have a relationship with her seems unfair to split it equally between all of them.

Personally is prob give them £100 each as a token gift but not to be expected

i wouldn’t expect My ds1 stepmum to split any money she received between her dc and my son.

beenaroundtheblox · 10/07/2022 17:24

Could you maybe buy them all something small but the savings goes to your son? But saying that it's not a huge amount of money to buy something significant for two older kids (probably with more expensive taste). Maybe put it all away and then no one knows any different?

ChildrenOfTheQuorn · 10/07/2022 17:25

...She wasn't their nan.

SamphirethePogoingStickerist · 10/07/2022 17:25

LemonSqueezy0 · 10/07/2022 17:21

The money is yours, so you get final say. If your nan wanted anyone else to have it, she would have mentioned that in her will. Don't feel pressured, it's unfair.
Its your money, nothing else matters.

This.

When his ex MIL dies and his sons get some money will he and their mum give any to your son?

No?! Of course not.

Explain that to him and tell him to get his head straight. Because his kids will have different upbringings. He needs to manage his own expectations as well as theirs or you will come to resent him and them.

Original poster
Inheritanceoneagain · 10/07/2022 17:25

Thanks. I'm glad you all agree!

He's got a bit of a thing about our son getting more. Admittedly our son is VERY spoilt by my family but I wouldn't ever deny him things like that because of DHs older kids not getting the same from them. They are close with their mum's family and DHs family treat them all with minimal interest.

OP posts:
WifeMotherWorkRepeat · 10/07/2022 17:26

100% should go to your son ONLY.

ilovesooty · 10/07/2022 17:26

It's your money and if you want to spend that last bit on your son you have every right to.

WifeMotherWorkRepeat · 10/07/2022 17:27

^ as in the left over £700 should 100% only go to your son!

MollyRover · 10/07/2022 17:28

Ridiculous. It's his and his ex's job to provide for their children, not yours. I'm 100% sure that it wasn't your Nan's intention to leave money to people who aren't related to her.

Original poster
Inheritanceoneagain · 10/07/2022 17:29

But saying that it's not a huge amount of money to buy something significant for two older kids (probably with more expensive taste)

Yeah they are older kids. One is 9 and the other is 12 so more expensive to buy for.

Our son is only 2 so can spend £20 on some toys and he'll be happy and the rest can be tucked away for something special when he's older that he'll know his great nan "bought him".

OP posts:
Original poster
Inheritanceoneagain · 10/07/2022 17:30

He said he thinks of it being in the family pot so feels wrong putting it all in one child's account (DSC have savings accounts too).

He's got a bit of a thing about it all. My family pay into DS's savings account as well so he does have quite a bit more in there than DSC who haven't had theirs for long and only have DH paying into them. He can't afford loads every month.

OP posts:
Meraas · 10/07/2022 17:34

Your DH needs to wine his neck in.

Meraas · 10/07/2022 17:34

*wind

Notimeforaname · 10/07/2022 17:34

My family pay into DS's savings account as well so he does have quite a bit more in there than DSC who haven't had theirs for long and only have DH paying into them. He can't afford loads every month.

Tough shit. Some people are more privileged than others. If he feels so badly about it, he and his children's mother can work together to get more savings for them. Not your children. Not your financial responsibility.

ilovesooty · 10/07/2022 17:34

Why should it be in a family pot? I think it's reasonable to insist that money is for your son.

Floella22 · 10/07/2022 17:34

Put the money in an account in your name only and tell your dh that on the day his ex splits any of her family money with your ds you'll do the same with the savings in your account.

It'll never happen.

SaintJavelin · 10/07/2022 17:35

He needs to get over it, it's for your child not his.

Maytodecember · 10/07/2022 17:35

Could you make it one toy for your son and buy the other children a toy or book each? Then the remainder into your son’s savings account. Your Nan wasn’t the step children’s great Nan so I can’t see that it would mean anything to them to have a couple of hundred pounds each. A sizeable sum for driving lessons later in life is a brilliant idea and you’ll be glad you did it ( and so will your DH who has also benefitted from your Nan’s generosity)

Aquamarine1029 · 10/07/2022 17:37

He said he thinks of it being in the family pot

What he thinks is irrelevant, and he's 100% wrong anyway. This isn't the family pot. It's an inheritance from your grandmother. You have already been very generous by using the vast amount to improve the home you share.

Stand firm, op. Your husband is being totally unreasonable.