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AIBU?

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Original poster

Grandchildren treated differently

57 replies

Reuben2014 · 09/07/2022 23:36

My partners parents came over today. I really like his parents but his dad gave my stepdaughter £20 and my 2 year old daughter a mug that says special granddaughter. The last time he came he also gave my stepdaughter money but nothing for my 2 two year old. I was upset as my dad gives both the same, even though he is not a grandad to my stepdaughter. My stepdaughter is amazing and at only 10 years of age turned round and said she would share her money with her sister. 8 said how kind she was but that it was hers. My stepdaughter also commented the last time my partners dad didn't give my 2 year old anything and said it wasn't fair. I dont care about the money, it's the fact they should be treated equally. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Aprilx · 10/07/2022 07:21

Pregante · 10/07/2022 06:04

That's so unkind.

It's not about the 2yo not needing £20 it's about the lack of thought. A little teddy or something doesn't cost a lot but shows thought at least!

Did you miss the bit about them buying a special grand daughter mug for the child they are not related to? Is that not nice enough!

Totheweekend · 10/07/2022 07:42

You are looking to find a problem where none exists. What would a two year old do with 20 quid?
Drop the PFB look-out.

parenthood1989 · 10/07/2022 07:52

Equal doesn't mean the same.

FlatWhiteLover · 10/07/2022 07:56

HeddaGarbled · 10/07/2022 01:44

Is it normal now for grandads to hand over cash every time they visit their grandchildren? Ours never did. I think that’s what needs stopping - it can’t be good for children to be led to expect money every time they see their grandads.

I use to stay with my grandparents at bank holidays (15+ years ago) and they use to give me a tenner (sometimes 20) but they were minted and my mum was a poor solo mum so I never got many treats, that kind of money meant I could buy some toys or tapes.

chilledbubble · 10/07/2022 08:01

I was with you until I realised the youngest is 2. Ideally they would have got her a little something.

saraclara · 10/07/2022 08:02

I think it's nice that he went to the trouble of actually choosing something sweet for the two year old. That took time, effort and thought, whereas handing a note over is easy.

He did something nice, and age appropriate, for each child. Stop trying to weigh and measure everything, and just be glad that both children have a kind grandad.

Parkperson00 · 10/07/2022 08:13

I agree with@saraclara . He sounds like a lovely Granddad. A mug with special granddaughter is much more touching than a twenty quid note.
I'm afraid you are looking for something to pick a fight over, OP

parenthood1989 · 10/07/2022 08:16

chilledbubble · 10/07/2022 08:01

I was with you until I realised the youngest is 2. Ideally they would have got her a little something.

They did.

chilledbubble · 10/07/2022 08:18

parenthood1989 · 10/07/2022 08:16

They did.

Show quote history

Oh yes they did! Absolutely nothing of any concern then OP

Dededot · 10/07/2022 08:27

As others have said, you are trying to find a problem where there isn't one. If your daughter was 10, yes it could be a bit unfair. But no one in their right mind would give £20 to a 2yo?!

And he got her a mug - he sounds like a very thoughtful granddad (especially if not related to your daughter!)

Fadeout83 · 10/07/2022 08:57

Is this for real. LOL. Your daughter is 2. What does she need money for? It’s much more appropriate to keen a pre teen some money to treat themselves and frankly a mug with “special granddaughter” is so sweet that I’d assumed you’d have the opposite complaint - ie the ten year old is getting the short end of the stick with lame thoughtless cash.

Honestly.

Fadeout83 · 10/07/2022 08:59

Twinkle1989 · 10/07/2022 06:58

I'll probably get shot for this...

YABU

You cannot expect them to be treated as the same - one is a grand child, the other is not.

How long have you been together?

If I was in your situation, I wouldn't expect either grandparent to love or treat the non-grandchild the same as the grandchild. I'd just be very grateful that they bothered at all tbh.

My sibling has children and a partner with children. I don't buy them the same gifts at Christmas etc - I get a token gift for the partner's kids but it's certainly not equal. The partner's family don't even do that for my nieces and nephews. It's life, and the sad reality of split families.

She’s obviously a biological GD to the grandfather. OP says she’s HER stepchild meaning her partners bio child, meaning her partners fathers bio grandchild.

SoupDragon · 10/07/2022 08:59

A mug with special granddaughter is much more touching than a twenty quid note.

This! She's 2.

ittakes2 · 10/07/2022 09:01

I would not have even given this a second thought - pulling £20 out of my pocket is a lot less effort than going to buy a mug - I really think you are over thinking this sorry.

MrsTimRiggins · 10/07/2022 09:04

Don’t be a plank 😂

Friendship101 · 10/07/2022 09:05

I agree you’re overthinking this. A 2 year old doesn’t need or understand money. My 10 year old would spend that on a new game or clothes or save it.

Cameronnorrieisabitofalright · 10/07/2022 09:12

Turn it around.... Younger dc got a well thought out gift. Older one just got cash thrown at her..
Imo both got appropriate gifts.
Surely that's what counts?. Unless you are grabby?

2pinkginsplease · 10/07/2022 09:15

My mil gives all school age grandchildren £5 a week the rest get zero,

it’s not favouring , they all get the same over the course of their lifetime.

Holly60 · 10/07/2022 09:17

generaldoll · 10/07/2022 04:11

My ten year old would love a £20 note and would want to spend it on a treat.
My two year old would be a bit meh and probably try and lick it

This. He seems to have been thinking about what each girl would have appreciated more.

To a two year old, some paper with 20 written on it doesn't mean much.

Holly60 · 10/07/2022 09:19

Also - I'm guessing he bought SD mugs etc when she was two, and didn't give her 20 quid.

So surely it would actually be unfair on her if her little sister was getting money/gifts of that value at the age of 2? Ie over the years younger daughter would get more than her older sister..

parenthood1989 · 10/07/2022 09:20

You cannot expect them to be treated as the same - one is a grand child, the other is not.

OP hasn't said this?

Holly60 · 10/07/2022 09:20

Ps he sounds like a lovely grandad to both of them

Thesearmsofmine · 10/07/2022 09:24

YABU I thought this was going to be 2 grandchildren the same age treated differently but no it’s a grandad giving an appropriate gift to each child.

Dinoteeth · 10/07/2022 09:25

Op your being daft. They are both his DGDs.
He gave the 10yo pocket money. What would a 2yo do with pocket money?

And yes it's not that uncommon for DGPs to give kids pocket money.

SeasonFinale · 10/07/2022 09:30

Pregante · 10/07/2022 06:04

That's so unkind.

It's not about the 2yo not needing £20 it's about the lack of thought. A little teddy or something doesn't cost a lot but shows thought at least!

You missed the part where they did give the 2 year old a gift then - just not one costing £20