AIBU to not allow DD to have acrylic nails?

[LeSighh]

DD is going on holiday with my ex husband and his wife next week for 2 weeks. Her step mum is a nail technician and has said she will do acrylic nails for my daughter.

I've said no as I think she's too young (she's 14).

Ex husband says he doesn't have a problem with it and DD says I'm not being fair as her dad said it would be ok, plus her friends have had acrylics in the past.

AIBU?

@Discovereads again - I did read the whole article. Read your response and still think you are over reaching
(And also not the most credible of sources to link either 🙈 but that's a different discussion)

When I was 14 I bleached my own hair and my friend pierced her own belly button.

I'm personally not a fan of acrylics but I'd hardly say it's a big deal TBH.

My 13yr Step daughter had them done for a holiday and took them off a week later for school in the process managed to rip off her little finger nail .. personally I think gels are good enough but that's me.

How about this one?
steptohealth.com/dangers-using-acrylic-nails/

The only sources saying that acrylic nails do not damage natural nails are beauty salons or fashion sites. Even less credible than a dermatologist….

The endocrine damaging chemicals in them for one. The dust affecting your lungs for 2. The faeces particles that get stuck under them for 3 🤢

Horrible, nasty, filthy things.

Tell her when Kate Middleton wears them, she can OP.

Still don't know why anyone thinks they're anything but trashy as hell.

Plastic primark stick ons are no way comparable. They’ll snap off on day 1. Shite.

gel polish also not remotely the same.

Acrylics as a one off is absolutely fine, especially since she won’t be in a dodgy salon.

I don’t think the attire of a royal family member is what should be expected of 14 year old girl

Not to put the cat among the pigeons but...

My main worry would be if they are likely to do anything sporty or physical as the worst thing I've seen happen is someone playing netball caught the tip of their acrylic on the ball and it was so strongly bonded to the nail that it ripped the entire finger nail out of the nail bed. It was disgusting. And an a&e job.

@Discovereads

Please don’t take this badly, but do you have health anxiety? This is the second thread I’ve seen you on seriously advising some over the top behaviour to perceived health threats.

Loads of girls her age want to experiment with manicures. Provided the acrylics aren’t so long she is in danger of ripping one off, and if they’re done properly, this is a lovely summer holiday treat.

I must be a complete freak judging by all the responses but I would be the exact same as you OP. She is a child first off, acrylic nails are somewhat grown up for a 14 year old, surely? Making her look older than she actually is? My 16 year old daughter just had her 1st set of acrylic nails done for her prom night.
In my eyes, girls are so under pressure to look older than they are these days that I've always said anything you want to do when you leave high schools I'm absolutely fine with but not before. Everything is a trend, no real thought behind it and probably just because such and such got it done. Once they are 16-18 the decision is their own.

You can get lots of different types of acrylics- the only ones that look grown are very long types and pointy types. Many people just get natural looking ones that you wouldn’t be able to tell are acrylics as opposed to regular gel nails. I imagine she wants acrylics to avoid having to do her nails while on holiday.

It’s not a big deal as a one off treat during school holidays.

@Discovereads, why do you believe either of the sources you've linked to? It's dangerous to be so indiscriminate.

The author of the first article is nameless, and the author of the second describes herself as a sports journalist/broadcaster. Why do you think either know anything more than any given person about dermatology?

The first article warns against acrylics alongside paid promotions of stick-on nail products and is neither referenced nor reviewed.

The second article appears to have a few references, but, on closer inspection, they're duds. One 'study' linked to is actually an information leaflet, in Spanish, from 2002. The author also states that the US National Library of Medicine suggests that acrylic nails can cause onycholysis, but the link gives you an online entry with no mention of acrylic nails whatsoever.

What about Google Scholar?

I hate the things as well and do have concerns about chemicals, but this just isn’t a hill to die on with a 14 year old. It’s temporary, it’s not going to get her into any sort of trouble, and it’s just not that big of a deal. Our kids this age do things we don’t like. It’s an important part of their development.

If you Limit it to during holidays so that she doesn’t wear them to school, it will also minimize chemical exposure and mail damage. you may eventually have to give in on that as well, because again, nails just aren’t worth a battle, but I would start with the holiday rule for now and see how it goes.

Meh. They look horrible in my opinion, but a one-off will likely be fine as long as your DD's dad promises to get them professionally removed.

If she's quite an active girl they might well come off earlier than the end of the holiday anyway, they're not great for e.g. beach volleyball, water games, sandcastles etc.

Eugh. I think they’re awful and wouldn’t want my teenage daughter to get them either OP, largely because they are hugely impractical and limit your ability to do basically everything. But in this situation, for the sake of harmony in her extended family, I would say yes and just ask that SM removes them in time for school/when they grow out. Otherwise it could come across as you being super critical or judgmental of the stepmother’s job.

They're really not damaging.

Being an overbearing mother, however, is.

I'd say yes for gels but not for acrylics. I've had both and the lady who does mine only does gels now.

I think you have made the right decision OP, you asked and you responded accordingly.

lt’s important with 14 year olds not to appear overly controlling on the unimportant. The result is a better mother/daughter relationship.

@LateAF , your right in that aspect. A one off for her hols is a little different to having them done regularly as the norm.

I've just always worried about my daughter growing up to soon. As girls/women we are in a world where we are judged and we judge ourselves all the time. And these days it's even more intense thanks to social media.

On the school run I would see girls done up to the nines, fake tan, lashes, nails, and it made me sad that these girls had already been suckered in to the looks industry. I'm not opposed the natural want to grow up- we've all been there.🤷‍♀️

My way of doing things was to slow the process down a little so to speak. If my daughter wanted to get foundation, I would compromise and say try tinted moisturiser or get clear mascara rather than black mascara.

But as you say, a one off is different and will probably keep the blended family dynamics a little calmer.