Dog sitting during c section - unreasonable?

[Takingthepmaybe]

I’m exhausted from two nights of no sleep so not sure how unreasonable I’m being!

Friend is having a baby. Genuinely pleased for her. She has two dogs who I do love - one of whom is elderly and needs lots of attention and a younger rescue who is lively but scatty. She has a husband.

When asked I said sure totally happy to look after
the pups when you go in for the c section. My fault for not clarifying - but I was assuming it would be the first night she came home with bubba and maybe the next night.

Turns out that they dropped the dogs off on Thursday at 5pm. She wasn’t even going into hospital until the next morning!!! So they had a lovely dog free and baby free night the first night….She had the c section on Friday and is in for a couple of nights. But her husband is not staying overnight and has been home having a lovely uninterrupted nights sleep each night.

The dogs have spent both nights barking throughout the night and I’m exhausted.

I was more than happy to help out when the baby came home because I get that would be overwhelming - but I’m feeling a bit annoyed that what I seem to be doing is facilitating her husband have a lovely nights sleep each night before the baby’s even come home! And I was working on Friday which was obviously compromised- fine but I’ll need to catch it up.

Just not sure if I’m being unreasonable?

I am away from Sunday so then they’re sending the dogs to their neighbours. I have done lots of dog sitting during the day for them before.

I just feel that they’re taking the piss. I have a dog too and when I go away or need travel care I pay for someone to look after her.

She also wants me to cook for them and drop off meals. I live alone and often have toast and beans for dinner…

Husband is fully functioning. They earn above average.

I really do believe in helping out and supporting friends. But I just feel that here they could either pay for things or the husband could have picked up the dogs and had them during the night. If there was a health issue or they were really struggling financially I’d feel differently, but….

Anyway I’m beyond sleep deprived - how annoyed should I be (if at all?)

@SirVixofVixHall we’re all quietly settled on the sofa now and I’m not moving!

3 weeks dog food - are you expected to shop and pay for the ingredients, cook it, freeze it then bring the freezer bags over when you bring the dogs back (I’m guessing her OH won’t collect).

Big expectation - how cheeky of her!

Made me chuckle

For some reason I imagined a dog sitting patiently in the same room as the c-section was happening 😂

I feel your pain OP. I had a neighbours elderly dog to stay for three days last week. Never again! All the time she was awake, she paced, shook, howled and panted. I didn't get any sleep the whole time she was here. I phoned the vets in desperation who could hear her and she said if the dog was that distressed there was little I could do - and I'd tried everything.

I never even got a thank you from my neighbour. But you're doing a kind thing.

Your friend is outrageous for asking you to cook meals for her, her DH and the dogs! The ultimate CFs!

@Caminante 😂

@Midlifemusings nope. Nothing made up.

When I had a C section I was in hospital for 5 days. It was pre-covid so DH could visit pretty much all day and night. FIL had the dogs for a week (I was in hospital two days before surgery) but every day DH went round to help walk the dogs.

Assuming your friend's DH is staying at home (i.e. not in the hospital) I think he is being unreasonable not coming to collect the dogs for overnight, even if he dropped them back at yours on the way to visit your friend and new baby in hospital. You're more tolerant than me as I'd have text to say I'll be at yours at Xpm to drop dogs off, send DH to meet me there, he can drop them back of at Xam. The dogs are just as much their responsibility as the new baby.

Have you told them dogs are keeping you up? Come and collect them each evening? I'd be mortified if my dogs were doing that and I'd be sending DH round in a flash to collect them.

Yep I’ve told the husband and asked him to ask their neighbours if they can go there tonight. The dogs have stayed at the neighbors before (Spanish holiday four months ago) so i know the dogs know the place and will be comfortable there.

I don’t think they needed a dog sitter for more than a few hours, 24 at most if the husband is around. So I agree with you and I’d be miffed, too.

I had a friend who’d used ask me constantly to pick her dc up from school and have him for dinner because she was busy. I then found out one day that I had her dc when both her and her dh were at home. They have more family support than I do so. I stopped doing it after that. Some folk just take advantage.

They sound like complete and utter CFs.

I would message her/her dh to say that dogs need to go home now so he needs to come and pick up or you will take them to their house and drop them off .

Ignore everything else and think whether you really want them/her in your life any more.

Bloody hell. I'm clearly in the minority here but I think they've been CFs from start to finish here - and yes about the dogs too!

They've massively taken advantage of you.

Its completely reasonable to assume that dog sitting would have been one night unless otherwise asked. They took your willingness and took huge advantage by telling you when the dog would be with you. That's not on!

More discussion and mutual agreement is expected even when using professional services.

The additional info you've put just goes to reinforce how entitled they are. How do they get away with all this? Do they fart roses and leave gold dust in their wake?

The response you're looking for now is "no,that doesn't work for me" re all requests and expectations.

I go above and beyond to help friends out especially when they have little ones or going through a tough time, but it only works because of mutual respect. There is none of that in your situation.

During covid times the maternity wards are on restricted visiting times. Certainly in my hospital its only a two hour visit that can begin from 11am so if that's the case I'd say they ABU and Cf

The meal thing is bizarre. If you're feeling generous and she's previously been a good friend, I would say "sorry, I don't cook" and sling them a £20 Just Eat voucher in a card. But that would be the limits of my help.

We had very little help following our first baby and will have very little help this time around. Yet we managed to survive and eat fairly well, even if freezer and microwave meals and picnic food featured heavily.

Home cooking the dog’s food!!! Fuck that. Massively cheeky. If you get a friend to dog sit surely you provide all the food! Recently looked after some Guinea pigs with a fussy diet and the food came with them in a big box

@TeddyisMydog Really depends on hospital. I had DD2 three weeks ago and it was 8-8 with no restrictions on time spent there, just no more than two adults at a time (children didn't count).

@TeddyisMydog Had my DS in January and visiting from partners anytime 8-8 (other visitors limited to afternoons)

We had family have our dog as my DH would leave the house at 7.30am to be at the hospital for 8 and not get home til nearly 9

That made me laugh!

Nah I disagree, massive cfs. (Ok dogs for one night as agree) He needs to get the dogs, order some hello fresh or whatever, butternut box for pooches. And bring you a huge bunch of flowers. Idle get. How long until pooches are rehomed do we think?

Update: we’re all outside in the garden doing a massive chopped carrot hunt.

if anyone pops on to complain about the dog barking in their neighbours yard - hiya 🤷‍♀️

I am genuinely worried about the older pup. I didn’t quite realise how relentless her barking is. No way this will work with a baby. I’m just looking up ordering a thundershirt for her. But bottom line is that I think they need to find someone who can give her focussed care for at least part of the time.

OP - my guess is that when you talk to them about your worries, they will start pressuring you to take the older dog permanently. Possibly even using the 'if we can't find a friend to take her, she will be PTS by the rescue due to her health.

Tread carefully. You don't need this pressure. Your CF friends seem to be dodging their responsibilities without feeling any embarrassment or regret.