Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dog sitting during c section - unreasonable?

72 replies

Takingthepmaybe · 09/07/2022 09:10

I’m exhausted from two nights of no sleep so not sure how unreasonable I’m being!

Friend is having a baby. Genuinely pleased for her. She has two dogs who I do love - one of whom is elderly and needs lots of attention and a younger rescue who is lively but scatty. She has a husband.

When asked I said sure totally happy to look after
the pups when you go in for the c section. My fault for not clarifying - but I was assuming it would be the first night she came home with bubba and maybe the next night.

Turns out that they dropped the dogs off on Thursday at 5pm. She wasn’t even going into hospital until the next morning!!! So they had a lovely dog free and baby free night the first night….She had the c section on Friday and is in for a couple of nights. But her husband is not staying overnight and has been home having a lovely uninterrupted nights sleep each night.

The dogs have spent both nights barking throughout the night and I’m exhausted.

I was more than happy to help out when the baby came home because I get that would be overwhelming - but I’m feeling a bit annoyed that what I seem to be doing is facilitating her husband have a lovely nights sleep each night before the baby’s even come home! And I was working on Friday which was obviously compromised- fine but I’ll need to catch it up.

Just not sure if I’m being unreasonable?

I am away from Sunday so then they’re sending the dogs to their neighbours. I have done lots of dog sitting during the day for them before.

I just feel that they’re taking the piss. I have a dog too and when I go away or need travel care I pay for someone to look after her.

She also wants me to cook for them and drop off meals. I live alone and often have toast and beans for dinner…

Husband is fully functioning. They earn above average.

I really do believe in helping out and supporting friends. But I just feel that here they could either pay for things or the husband could have picked up the dogs and had them during the night. If there was a health issue or they were really struggling financially I’d feel differently, but….

Anyway I’m beyond sleep deprived - how annoyed should I be (if at all?)

OP posts:
Original poster
Takingthepmaybe · 09/07/2022 10:16

She wants me to batch cook the dog food for the next few weeks

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 09/07/2022 10:18

Takingthepmaybe · 09/07/2022 10:16

She wants me to batch cook the dog food for the next few weeks

No she does not!!!!?

Copernico · 09/07/2022 10:19

It sounds like you begrudge taking the dogs at 5pm the day before a c-section, in which case you probably shouldn’t have agreed to taking the dogs at all. That’s an entirely reasonable time, surely you don’t think they’d drop the dogs off the morning of the surgery? Same for keeping the dogs at night.

The food request is unreasonable though it sounds a bit that you offered. Agree with PPs that it’s a case of mismatched expectations and perhaps you not being comfortable saying no, or offering to do things you don’t want to do.

Overall the impression you leave is that you’re offering to help but want them to take only the absolute minimum help offered. That’s not reasonable.

Original poster
Takingthepmaybe · 09/07/2022 10:20

@Trixiefirecracker i know. I’ve been saying to her for ages you need to get something in place for the elderly dog - they’ll need some proper support or it wont work. There are bucket loads of professional dog sitters around here - I think they need to factor in paying for dog support or get her properly fostered

OP posts:
maslinpan · 09/07/2022 10:20

Did they think ahead at all to plan for this?.Or do they genuinely expect all their friends to do boring jobs for them? Just start saying NO. They are absolute chancers. Have they told you that they will require you to deal with any particularly dirty nappies? Because that's got to be on the list too...

EvergreenForest · 09/07/2022 10:21

Agree with majority, going in for c section is usually early, you are stressed, lots to worry and think about so dropping off the night before is sensible

I was also in hospital for a week when my DS was born and husband would travel up and down. It would be complete madness for our dog to have been picked up and dropped of each day and night. He was with me often from 8am - 8pm and mostly holding the baby while I tried to sleep so it never would have worked having the dog back. So again, I don't think unreasonable

The cooking meals for the dog and then cooking batch meals for the dogs is a massive massive drip feed and they are CF to ask this. Unbelievable

Original poster
Takingthepmaybe · 09/07/2022 10:22

@Copernico npndidnt offer at all on the food front!

I agree I’ve been a bit unreasonable about the dog sitting thing. I think that is influenced by exhaustion and their other cheeky fuckery

OP posts:
Marvellousmadness · 09/07/2022 10:24

The meal request was absurd
The looking after the dog request was weird considering her dh is home
And the dropping of the dogs a day earlier makes sense but longer probablemente is cheeky.
I dunnow. The whole thing makes me say:don't look after those dogs again

But good on you for offering. You are wonderful

Musti · 09/07/2022 10:24

i would refuse. Her husband can bloody batch cook! Or get some ready made food for them.

whenever I’ve looked after pets I’ve had everything provided for me. And vice versa

Original poster
Takingthepmaybe · 09/07/2022 10:26

They’ve just done some building garden wood that all went tits up and other friends have been drafted for unpaid labour to sort that.

a couple of weekends ago she had a friend come down from London to paint a wall.

another friend has tiled their garden for free.

I’ve asked if husband can see if their neighbours can take the dogs tonight instead of tomorrow night. One of the problems I think making the younger one bark is my bedroom is right next to my garden which gets cats, foxes etc. and agree they couldn’t have know that to be fair to them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Takingthepmaybe · 09/07/2022 10:27

Building and garden work that should read.

my brain is frazzled!

OP posts:
ComDummings · 09/07/2022 10:28

I don’t think it’s cheeky, you have to go in really early for a c-section, my arrival time was 7am so it makes sense they’d send the dog to you on Thursday night. I think having the dogs for a couple of days would be expected to be honest.

Cooking dog food is ridiculous though, at that request you just laugh and say no.

Original poster
Takingthepmaybe · 09/07/2022 10:32

Helpful to get info re early time for c/section. Taking that into account yes night before sounds reasonable.

I think if she’s explained better I wouldn’t have been annoyed. It’s just that I’ve just been given my instructions!

OP posts:
Original poster
Takingthepmaybe · 09/07/2022 10:39

@Maytodecember do you have any suggestions for the elderly pup? She’ll mostly stop barking if she’s picked up - so it must be some sort of anxiety thing. But obviously I cant hold her the whole time.

OP posts:
AllFreeOwls · 09/07/2022 10:41

Takingthepmaybe · 09/07/2022 10:16

She wants me to batch cook the dog food for the next few weeks

I'm assuming you quickly told her no?

LuckySantangelo35 · 09/07/2022 10:44

Batch cook the dog food?!

FUCK THAT

she can feed her dogs tins of pedigree chum like everyone else

WarrenGRegulate · 09/07/2022 10:45

No way would I be cooking the dogs meals, surely this could have been done prior and frozen for you to give to them

Original poster
Takingthepmaybe · 09/07/2022 10:48

The elderly dog has been barking since 5 this morning unless I hold her. And you have to stand up to hold her and not sit down. Poor little thing. I know she’s like this at home so it’s not just that she’s here. I just can’t see how this is going to work with a baby. I’m actually getting upset that my friend hasn’t made a plan for this when she knows it’s going to be a problem.

OP posts:
Original poster
Takingthepmaybe · 09/07/2022 10:49

Oh sorry I might have been unclear about the dog food. They came with food for the three days. She wants me to batch cook dog food for the next few weeks.

she had another fiend over during the week to cook the current batch of dog food (yes. Seriously.)

OP posts:
ScattyHattie · 09/07/2022 10:51

Everything feels so hard with lack of sleep so hope you can get some more naps in. Perhaps change of routine/ environment has unsettled old dog more, I'd thought they would warned you if cognitive night waking. My vet took a patient home that would bark and freak out and try to squeeze under sofa at 1am every night to try work out what was going on.

My friend batch cooks every fortnight for her dog as has kidney disease and then freezes so I think it's a bit much to expect on top of dog sitting.

Many seem to prep & freeze meals in preparation of birth and perhaps husband could've done this while home in the evenings, but meals are easily solved if have the funds. Fair enough if people have asked how they can help but it's wrong to be handing out jobs with expectation on friend. It's not like she is a single mother either.

Sadly I think old dog will probably be PTS soon as if can't do these jobs themselves I don't see them managing old dog needs & babies especially with the barking disturbing sleep.

GlitteryGreen · 09/07/2022 10:53

The meal thing is bizarre, can you tell her you just don't have time??

I don't think the dogs are unreasonable though, even if the husband is home overnight. He is probably at the hospital all day so even if he had them overnight he'd have to drop them back off again in the morning.

Original poster
Takingthepmaybe · 09/07/2022 10:55

@ScattyHattie I think that’s going to happen too. So sad. At the moment she has a good quality of life but just needs lots of attention. I think she probably needs to go to a good foster. She’s a gorgeous little dog and would be lovely for someone on their own with lots of time.

OP posts:
Original poster
Takingthepmaybe · 09/07/2022 10:59

I just ignored the dog food request. She’s put a post up on Facebook saying that she’s going to need help with it and suggested people get together to do it at one of their houses.

if I was her and it really needed to be done I’d just pay someone £10 an hour to do it - bucket loads of people here whos do it for a bit of spare cash I’m sure.

OP posts:
Bordesleyhills · 09/07/2022 11:01

Takingthepmaybe · 09/07/2022 10:49

Oh sorry I might have been unclear about the dog food. They came with food for the three days. She wants me to batch cook dog food for the next few weeks.

she had another fiend over during the week to cook the current batch of dog food (yes. Seriously.)

Sorry she’s had weeks to get organised . She knew with the section. She could have cooked the food and froze for the dogs. I used my freezer and will again when I’m due in October for our food.She needs to be organised and I’m sure hubby has two weeks off- he can do it . She also is not disabled - yes careful with a section but you are encouraged to get up and do things to a degree

SirVixofVixHall · 09/07/2022 11:07

The elderly dog is probably even more barky at yours, as like a very old person, she will be confused in a different place. Will she settle on the bed with you ?
Anyway I agree with everyone that your friend is being v cheeky. The dog food cookery when you are also dog sitting is really taking advantage of your kindness. With people like this the only way forward is to robustly say NO when asked to do anything you don’t want to, and to also ask favours of them too. So present it as a swap “Yes I will have BarkerDog to stay , as long as you do X for me” .

Swipe left for the next trending thread