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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have confronted family who tried to shame me at school performance? (period related)

96 replies

Detest · 09/07/2022 01:37

Went to DS recital at school tonight. Wearing new linen trousers with, as I now realise, have shallow pockets. Had been running round on hospital runs and other errands all day so had put 2 non-applicator tampons in my pocket.
Sitting in bleacher type seating watching school performance and heard giggling and chatter from family behind me (mother, father, 2 kids). They were Polish so probably thought I wouldn't understand, but were laughing as one of the tampons had fallen out of my pocket.
I waited until the end of the performance and told them it was extremely rude to talk through a child's performance but I'd make sure I did the same when their daughters turn came (obviously I wouldn't do that) then questioned how they'd feel if someone tried to humiliate their daughter in the same way as she's obviously going to start her periods soon if she hasn't already. They were mortified and left.
DP thinks IABU but I think I shouldn't be shamed for carrying sanitary products.

For the record, I understood the basics of what they said because eldest DD has a Polish BF.

OP posts:
JunieBabes · 09/07/2022 01:39

From your child having a Polish best friend you've learned enough Polish to understand someone's conversation? Really?

HerRoyalNotness · 09/07/2022 01:43

My SIl is polish and my DB can understand her and her friends although not speak it.

good for you for speaking up I say

Arenanewbie · 09/07/2022 01:48

I think YABU, asking them to be quiet is fine but maybe your speech was a bit too much. You don’t know Polish fluently, they’ve probably mentioned your tampon but are you sure that they’re actually shaming you?

VintageVest · 09/07/2022 01:49

How do you know they were talking about you?

craftsupplyhoarder · 09/07/2022 02:23

If you understood correctly and they were actually laughing about your tampon, that was rude of them (and weird, because the mere existence of a tampon isn't that funny to normal adults), but your speech was an over-reaction to a fairly mild situation. Laughing because a tampon fell out of a pocket, as strange as that may be, isn't really "shaming". You should have just asked them to be quiet and left it at that.

tomatopsste · 09/07/2022 02:29

Bit OTT. Maybe shush them but telling them off like that seems a bit much!

RobertSmithsLipstick · 09/07/2022 02:34

I suppose if they'd raised their eyebrows and said "super plus!" and sniggered, that would be shaming.

I'd be more cross about the talking, but not that cross.

Player001 · 09/07/2022 03:01

I'm with you OP and commend you for speaking up. Hopefully it will make them think twice next time.

PrachtStück · 09/07/2022 03:51

I would’ve laughed with them, picked up the tampon and said ‘oh that was funny’. But then I don’t get embarrassed by the owning or the mere presence of a sanitary product, same I wouldn’t be embarrassed by a tissue or a pencil falling out of my pocket or bag. I don’t see what the big deal is.

Darbs76 · 09/07/2022 04:03

over reaction and I’m sure your polish isn’t that great to fully understand their conversation.

Butchyrestingface · 09/07/2022 04:36

I'm surprised that your daughter (not you) having a Polish boyfriend made you feel confident enough to have understood what they were saying such that you were comfortable telling them off. I have well above 'basic' understanding of an L2 and L3 and even there, reckon I would have hesitated in case I'd picked something up incorrectly.

I take it you didn't chastise them in Polish?

SickKid · 09/07/2022 04:42

Did ye aye

LaSavoie · 09/07/2022 04:47

Wow! I’m impressed. How did you learn so much Polish from just your DD having a Polish boyfriend?! It’s such a hard language.

Fraaahnces · 09/07/2022 04:49

They were arseholes. Even if you don’t understand the words, you can tell from “subtle” body language cues like pointing and sniggering.

hesbeen2021 · 09/07/2022 04:56

Yes that happened

ChinnyTroubles · 09/07/2022 04:58

Maybe I should change my name to chinny reckon...

However my neighbour's cousin's best friend's sil mum is Russian and she visited them once, I heard her talking in the garden and am now fluent in Russian thanks to that one visit, so maybe it's true 🤔🤪

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 09/07/2022 05:09

HerRoyalNotness · 09/07/2022 01:43

My SIl is polish and my DB can understand her and her friends although not speak it.

good for you for speaking up I say

That's not quite the same as your child's friend being polish! I think OP overreacted tbh. I highly doubt she could follow the meaning of the conversation.

CJsGoldfish · 09/07/2022 06:40

I really hope you are embellishing for a bit of added drama OP because that little speech was way over the top 😂

Were they really 'chattering' over it?
What did they say? How did they actually 'shame' you?

ChickenOfTheSea · 09/07/2022 06:53

I would have glared at them or said be quiet not given a speech that dragged a child into it and what's with when it's your daughter's turn I will be noisy?! Why is it the daughter's fault that her parents or family were potentially sniggering at your fallen tampon?
If I had a tampon fall out of my pocket I would laugh with them and move on. It's not like they laughed at a disability or made racial comments. I can imagine all of us women had an accident like that at some point where sanitary products fell or were left somewhere visible. It's not a big deal. By all means speak up but keep it in perspective.
I don't even think you feel any better after that confrontation. Sometimes it's just best to see the funny side and not take ourselves too seriously and let it go. Sometimes there is nothing to 'win' by confronting people.

Hatsoff5 · 09/07/2022 07:03

Fraaahnces · 09/07/2022 04:49

They were arseholes. Even if you don’t understand the words, you can tell from “subtle” body language cues like pointing and sniggering.

Agree with this despite not speaking some else's language you can see what you have described.

I had it in the beauty salon... it made me feel funny whilst having my eyebrows done.
One of the women brought me a notepad and translated to her college that she wanted to know what type of tooth paste I use (I have white teeth) 🤣

Maurepas · 09/07/2022 07:05

Would a girl usually use tampons for first period rather than pads these days?

SnowyLamb · 09/07/2022 07:17

You had a problem with them and you used two arguments against their daughter?

I agree, you've misunderstood. What is the Polish word for tampon and in what context did your daughter's BF teach it to you?

Julymakesmecry1999 · 09/07/2022 07:24

They may have been laughing at something totally unrelated, in which case they would have been confused/ hurt by your outburst.
The fact they were mortified and left tells me that they were not laughing at your minor mishap. No adult would find a tampon falling on the floor so amusing that they would continue laughing like that. I wouldn't have given it a second thought myself.It was likely something else that they found funny.

Greenberg · 09/07/2022 07:35

Whether or not they were laughing about the sanitary products they were rude to laugh and talk through someone else's child's performance.

Happymum12345 · 09/07/2022 07:40

Sometimes you don’t need to be fluent in a language to know that you’re being laughed at. They obviously were laughing at the Ramon because they left, hopefully having learned a valuable lesson.