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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how many weekends nurses work a month?

48 replies

Tiredmummy1990 · 08/07/2022 22:44

Trying to work out contact for children with ex partner. He said he cannot have them at weekends as he is a nurse and has to work weekends. Can I ask any nurses how many weekends you work a month? He says I’m being unreasonable asking him to have our children every other weekend. He has suggested having them Monday and Tuesday nights each week instead. I don’t really think that is fair though as I never have any time to myself, I am at work in the week and would like to start rebuilding my life so would like us to agree on every other weekend, and I’ve said if he likes an evening in the week too after school. Aibu? In context I am working a minimum wage school hour job to fit around DC.

OP posts:
loopylum · 08/07/2022 22:48

It really depends on the role (I'm a nurse and work 0 weekends at the moment) but yes, there are nursing areas that would make it difficult for you if you asked for every other weekend off.

vodkaredbullgirl · 08/07/2022 22:49

Not a nurse but a care supervisor and we work every other weekend.

BananaSpanner · 08/07/2022 22:49

Can he ask for flexible working so he can guarantee every other weekend? It’s always expected that the mother will make the work sacrifices.

Grumpybutfunny · 08/07/2022 22:52

Scientist in the NHS but I believe nurses have similar shift patterns. We work 1 of each in X, so 1 Saturday, one Sunday, one Friday night and one set of weekend nights per rotation. We can work two weeks on the bounce then get three off. What did he work when you guys were together?

Invisimamma · 08/07/2022 22:53

It depends on the shift rota but my dp works 1 in 3 weekends. But it might not be 1 in 3 on a pattern e.g. he might do two in a row, then off for 4, then 1 off 1 on.

It's not fair on you to pick up the slack though, I'd aim for every second weekend with your ex and it's his responsibility to sort childcare when he's working.

LadyLolaRuben · 08/07/2022 22:54

Hospital manager here. If you want him to do 50/50 childcare he needs to ask his employer what they can accommodate. Lots of nurses have children. Some work in outpatient clinics which don't run on weekends but can run later in the evening. Theres ward staff who work shifts but there's a pattern to it. Theres specialist nurses who have more 9-5 jobs. He needs to sort it or at least do his best to get the most predictable and stable work pattern. NHS is keen to keep staff and work as best it can around family needs.

TicTac80 · 08/07/2022 22:55

I’m a ward nurse. I work set week days and only maybe do one weekend shift every few weeks. I was able to negotiate my hours to fit around my DCs wraparound care. Ok, this is relatively rare but it’s do-able…

Original poster
Tiredmummy1990 · 08/07/2022 22:55

I’m unsure whether he has to work every weekend or if he asks to as he can earn extra money. He does some bank shifts on top of his ordinary shifts. When we were together he selected to work weekends but now he’s saying the most he could have off is 1 a month otherwise he won’t be able to afford to pay me maintenance. On the other hand I’m struggling with current price increases and am looking to go full time Monday to Friday. I don’t know if I’m being selfish hoping for a bit of time at weekends to myself.

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 08/07/2022 22:56

Presumably when you need to work and it's your time with the dc they go into some sort of childcare. So he needs to do the same.

Original poster
Tiredmummy1990 · 08/07/2022 22:57

He currently lives with family at a low cost and I have high rent

OP posts:
Original poster
Tiredmummy1990 · 08/07/2022 22:59

He’s making me feel unreasonable for asking for him to have DC 2 weekends a month that’s why I’m hoping for better insight on here as to what other nurses work. When We were together he negotiated for 5 nights a week including every weekend (against my wishes) as this paid the highest.

OP posts:
WhackingPhoenix · 08/07/2022 23:00

Depends what kind of nurse he is. When I did ward work, I got what I was given and that was it. Staff with childcare responsibilities can request set shifts, though.

FabFitFifties · 08/07/2022 23:01

I worked most weekends.

ThisIsNotThePostYourLookingFor · 08/07/2022 23:02

It depends on what area of nursing. Some areas do only Monday to Friday and some work 3/4 weekends

Original poster
Tiredmummy1990 · 08/07/2022 23:16

Mental health nurse

OP posts:
fallfallfall · 08/07/2022 23:23

you will need to know more about his rotation but it's not unusual for a full 2 days to be difficult on the weekend (he could come off night shift on saturday am for example) be on paper off on saturday but honestly sleeping most of it. same with sunday, his new rotation could start sunday night at 7pm. having a full saturday sunday off on my old rotation only happened twice a month.

Original poster
Tiredmummy1990 · 08/07/2022 23:25

I would be happy with twice a month. I think his suggestion of having the dc Mondays and Tuesdays each week seems a bit unfair

OP posts:
Original poster
Tiredmummy1990 · 08/07/2022 23:27

I’m not sure what to do as when I ask him he says he needs to work weekends to earn more money as he has to pay me maintenance but I need to work more to earn more money too and would also like some free time once in a while

OP posts:
Goneback2school · 08/07/2022 23:28

I'm a mental health nurse but in the community, in my current role I don't work weekends, in my previous one- also community I worked alternate weekends. Nurses on the wards where I am do longer shifts but also alternate weekends. What he might be doing- or at least say he is doing is picking up extra bank or overtime shifts on Saturday/ Sunday for the extra pay.

bigspoonlittlespoon · 08/07/2022 23:31

I doubt many employers would demand someone work every weekend because most people wouldn't agree to that. Unless it is in his contract. He's probably doing at least some as bank for the extra money. I think the suggestion of approaching his employer directly to see what they'd accommodate is a good idea. Most NHS employers would have a work life balance policy I think.

ohmygash · 08/07/2022 23:32

i cant believe you truly believe he can request the shifts that suit him as easy as that. You clearly have no experience of NHS working

Original poster
Tiredmummy1990 · 08/07/2022 23:32

Thank you for the reply. When we were together he picked up extra bank shifts including weekend ones so he could be meaning he is doing that.

OP posts:
bigspoonlittlespoon · 08/07/2022 23:33

FYI my ex also gives me the poor me line about having to work to pay maintenance even though he pays a minimal amount and I bear most of the costs Hmm I'd say take it to court but sadly in my experience the courts will favour the man's work but the woman's is apparently irrelevant (thank you patriarchy)

Original poster
Tiredmummy1990 · 08/07/2022 23:34

I just want him to have more of an active role and have some consistency

OP posts:
feathers7 · 08/07/2022 23:35

No fixed rota where I work, so no shift pattern or predictability. At most, I get one full week end off a month.