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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask how many weekends nurses work a month?

48 replies

Tiredmummy1990 · 08/07/2022 22:44

Trying to work out contact for children with ex partner. He said he cannot have them at weekends as he is a nurse and has to work weekends. Can I ask any nurses how many weekends you work a month? He says I’m being unreasonable asking him to have our children every other weekend. He has suggested having them Monday and Tuesday nights each week instead. I don’t really think that is fair though as I never have any time to myself, I am at work in the week and would like to start rebuilding my life so would like us to agree on every other weekend, and I’ve said if he likes an evening in the week too after school. Aibu? In context I am working a minimum wage school hour job to fit around DC.

OP posts:

Mudblast · 08/07/2022 23:36

Completely depends. Staff on my old mh ward only got one full weekend off a month (often the worked all of one weekend, and one sat the next, one sunday the after and then none)

Ive worked somewhere no weekends are worked some where every weekend is

Also depends how the pattern is worked
For example my curent is something like 4 days on (mix of early lates) (1 day off) 4 nights, 4 off. That pattern repeats regardless of weekends so theres no pattern to how many are off, and then you have the obvious issue of night child care. Not just of finding someone to watch the kid at night but finding time to sleep etc.

Weekends would have been hard for me as a single parent as if i worked nights then id sleep when they were at school. There would be a hard thing of if i picked them up tomorrow am for example, ive been up all night, would need to sleep during the day to recover from nights tonight.

next week id need sleep as although im not working, id be working during the childcare time, imworking the sunday night.

Mochacino · 08/07/2022 23:37

There is a max on the requests we can have in a month. Ours is 4, some places it's 6. I work 2 weekends usually but could be more depending on demand on service. In recent weeks I've worked 7 of 12. None of it overtime.
NHS contracts for nurses generally stipulate your shifts are liable to cover 24 hour service 7 days a week.
Maybe he is doing extra as agency, maybe he has requests to have other days midweek off for hobbies.

SaggyBlinders · 08/07/2022 23:44

Completely depends on the job. I've worked 9 weekends in a row before in my first ever job as a newly qualified nursewhen I was too timid and shy to say anything about the shit off duty. But I have only worked two weekends so far this year, and just started a job which is Mon - Fri only.

Everywhere I have worked so far has offered flexible working for family commitments - so he should be able to request set days to accommodate childcare. If it's a 24 hour 7 days a week job, like a ward, then he will probably have to work some weekends, but definitely not every single one. Sounds like he is using it as an excuse. If he isn't and is being genuine then he needs to look for a job with more family friendly hours.

ALoadOfCodswallop · 09/07/2022 01:06

Tiredmummy1990 · 08/07/2022 23:34

I just want him to have more of an active role and have some consistency

He is offering you consistency, though, every Monday and Tuesday.

teezletangler · 09/07/2022 01:27

I think he likely doesn't want the kids on the weekends, rather than not being able to have them. When I was a labour ward midwife, almost every one of my colleagues with young children had set shifts or flexible shifts. It's one of the things the NHS is pretty good about. My ward manager was surprised when I came back from mat leave and said I didn't need anything set.

Sunshineandrainbow · 09/07/2022 01:34

He might be choosing to work them due to higher weekend pay.

Stompythedinosaur · 09/07/2022 01:41

It really depends on the rota they use. We used to do an atrocious pattern where you did five weekends our of seven.

But he can request flexible working around his childcare, and arrange a babysitter if he needs to go to work when they are with him, surely, like any other parent?

EL8888 · 09/07/2022 01:46

When l was a ward nurse then we got 1 full weekend off a month, on the other 3 weekends then we would get Saturday or Sunday off. As others have mentioned an option is he requesting flexible working. He sounds avoidant you me, his childcare issues isn’t are your problem

EL8888 · 09/07/2022 01:49

@ALoadOfCodswallop it’s not that active as he’s picking 2 easier days; taking to school, picking them up, dinner, bath / shower and bed. Is totally different to 2 weekend days and caring / entertaining them all day

mirrorballer · 09/07/2022 06:28

@Tiredmummy1990 I think you need to refocus why you are asking for weekends because if you need to push on this 'I need a break' is not the primary reason for him having the kids although you totally deserve one obviously.

Surely it's about him having quality time with them as well as you and two weekdays after school doesn't really give him that.

You could push for 50/50 then he can work as much as he wants but he sorts childcare whilst he does, just like you have to.

Assanctamonioysastheycome · 09/07/2022 06:46

Part weekend work or the whole weekend, finishing nights saturday morning or sunday so in bed the next day. In many trusts you only have so many requests as well. Shift consistency isn't really a thing in ward nursing unless you are fairly high up.

fairgame84 · 09/07/2022 07:00

I'm working today, I get tomorrow off. Then I'm working the next 6 Sundays in a row. Normally I get a full weekend off every 4-6 weeks. These are my normal shifts, not Bank or overtime.
There is no consistency or pattern, it's pot luck.

UseOfWeapons · 09/07/2022 07:09

It’s not really possible to say, but I used to work most weekends, all or part of the weekend. I could work 10 days straight, then have 3 days off. It was very random. My hospital also limits the number of requests you can make to specify shifts or days off, to 2 per month. I never did, as it was possible to work around by swapping with other nurses. As others have said, most Trusts have a flexible working policy, but a request can be rejected if it doesn’t meet service need. If you feel you want to force the issue of 2 weekends a month, I think you will struggle, even though it’s not unreasonable, it may be unworkable. Would you try one weekend a month as a compromise, and that he takes them for half of his annual leave?

dottiedodah · 09/07/2022 07:14

Tbh it sounds like he is stuck in this role and it suits him .he is reluctant to want to change .it seems very unfair that he won't consider a couple of weekends. He may be genuine of course.maybe ask a solicitor for help ,I don't know if you can force him though

Hatsoff5 · 09/07/2022 07:25

Does your ex work 12 hours during the week? I think he's taking the piss. Usually nurses work 4 long shifts and then the following week 3 shifts.

When you say EOW does that include Friday to Sunday or drop at school on Monday?
Tbh I would get a court order in place

I'm fed up of the man assuming the mother will pick up the slack.. so your ex will be earning very good money doing weekends not so long ago due to covid the agencies for nurses were paying the nurses an eye watering amount of money per hour.

Do you go through CMS OP?

Hatsoff5 · 09/07/2022 07:28

Assanctamonioysastheycome · 09/07/2022 06:46

Rotas are done quite far inadvance though a good 6 weeks or more. In my trust you get 4 requests off a month. If OPS ex isn't suggesting to half the school holidays he's unreasonable because he will get around 6 weeks annual leave plus his extra days off..

Pyewhacket · 09/07/2022 07:37

Depends on the role , where he works and Trust policy. I work in ICU and we work a rotating shift patten but if there are shortages then we have to cover. I frequently work a 60 hour week and every weekend. I’m afraid , as far as I am concerned, the needs of the patients comes first. If you want a 9-5 or regular hours then don’t work in intensive care or emergency medicine coz you’ll be working on Christmas Day and three or four nights in a row.

newbiename · 09/07/2022 07:39

My rota varies. Some months I do no weekends sometimes three.
I know people with children negotiate with their managers to have set weekends.
Sounds like he's doing bank every weekend and trying to blame you for needing maintenance.

Schooldil3ma · 09/07/2022 07:40

What band is he and what sort of ward does he work on? Makes a huge difference.

ToastnMarmalade · 09/07/2022 07:48

It varies in the NHS tbh. Some people work zero weekends and some do nearly all of them. From my experience, it isn't by choice that they work most weekends but they cover for those who don't/have a lame excuse as to why they can't work them.
We have lost staff over the years who were rostered for too many weekends - yup, it affected their work life balance. But, some like them as they pay more with the AFC enhancements.
We had someone working for us who had split up with his partner and he has a young daughter. A court order was put in place that he had his daughter every other weekend and, of course due to the shift patterns, this caused issues as he was forever swapping shifts. I believe he took it further with the line manager/HR and they had to accommodate his request for every other weekend off. Obviously, that meant the rest of us were affected. I left eventually - not because of that - and no longer work weekends, nights or shifts (and get paid more) .

ToastnMarmalade · 09/07/2022 07:52

One of my colleagues had to work 8 weekends back to back over the summer one year - she was the mother to a young school aged daughter. Her partner went mad with our manager (phone) and she resigned from her career. Fortunately, he earns well and he paid for her to retrain - she's on at least twice to what she was on in the NHS with every weekend off!
Personally, and I'm speaking from experience in the NHS of 27 years, there should be a limit to how many weekends a person works in a month (unless they opt out) as it really has a massive effect on work-life balance (especially when children are in the equation).
Our band 7's and 8's never worked weekends but the grades below did loads! So unfair!

lmnopeepee · 10/07/2022 19:31

This is all by the by. You can't force him to have dc on the weekends. It just won't happen.

Oneortwo2022 · 10/07/2022 21:26

I would stick to the fact that he’s not really going to be spending much quality time with his children by only seeing them Monday and Tuesday nights for a few hours when they’re tired after school. (I would also be skeptical that he’s only going for four nights per fortnight to reduce his child maintenance payments it I wouldn’t mention that.)

When I did ward work I usually worked every other weekend by choice because I wanted the extra money. However there were lots of nurses who preferred weekend work so I could have easily avoided them if I wanted to but that is very area dependent. Now I have a child I work in an outpatients clinic doing normal business hours. No penalty rates but worth it to be there during the weekends and well rested.

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