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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP wants to move in

51 replies

Jo245 · 08/07/2022 17:44

Hi everyone,
Long time poster under a new name as this could be quite outing. Me and my boyfriend have discussed moving in together. He private rents whilst I own my house. I wanted to sell my house so that we could buy somewhere together. My partner says he cant afford to save anything at all whilst private renting so it would mean me buying the house, and putting their name on the deeds with no contribution. They would be able to contribute monthly, but not towards deposit at all. Please give me advice on what you would do in this situation as I feel awkward about this. AIBU to think that if he wants it to be OUR home then he should be raising half of the deposit himself?
TIA.

OP posts:
mynameiscalypso · 08/07/2022 17:46

I think it would be madness to buy something with someone when you've never lived together. We were in the same situation and my DP moved into my flat. Two years later we bought somewhere together.

Amipreg1 · 08/07/2022 17:48

Well if his rent means that he actually doesn't have any left over to save then I'm not sure what you want him to do about it?

Get some professional advice where the money is concerned, there are ways your deposit can be protected I'm sure.

If this is such a big deal for you I'm not sure you should be moving in together though.

MatildaTheCat · 08/07/2022 17:49

Well if he can’t save at all I’d be concerned that he’d be able to cover emergency expenses such as boiler failure or a leaky roof. You don’t sound keen so it’s a no. If his name isn’t on the mortgage he doesn’t go on the deeds.

The question of the deposit is less worrying as you can ring fence that money when you buy. Don’t be pushed into anything you aren’t absolutely happy with.

user50and · 08/07/2022 17:51

Why doesn't he move in with you so you can see how it goes? then in a couple of years if it works out buy together?

Please don't buy something with no contribution from him AND put his name on the deeds..

Original poster
Jo245 · 08/07/2022 17:52

Sorry, I should have added that he does have money leftover about £600 per month, he has no kids either.

OP posts:
WafflyVersatileOohOoh · 08/07/2022 17:52

You would be insane to fully pay for a house and put someone else’s name on the deeds.

If he wants to part-own a house, he needs to come up with his share of the deposit.

The fact that he even suggested this would be a major red flag for me.

balalake · 08/07/2022 17:53

I would question his choices over expenditure if he cannot afford to save. Perhaps true, but is he hiding something from you? If he smokes, if he drinks alcohol, (hopefully no illegal substances) he could reduce the amount and start to save.

Merryoldgoat · 08/07/2022 17:53

i think buying without living together is a bad move.

In terms of the mechanics, that was my situation when I bought with (now) DH. I had no savings, his parents gave him £30,000.

We bought as Tenants in Common which protected his equity and we paid half the mortgage each.

Thats in the past now as we have kids and moved but it meant that he’d always get back his equity plus the percentage increase in value but I also built up equity.

Amipreg1 · 08/07/2022 17:53

So what is he doing with the £600 a month?

HeckyPeck · 08/07/2022 17:55

Jo245 · 08/07/2022 17:52

Sorry, I should have added that he does have money leftover about £600 per month, he has no kids either.

I agree with the others re ringfencing deposit and also to live together first.

Have you asked him where the £600 goes?

imaginationhasfailedme · 08/07/2022 17:55

Be super factual and logical about it when talking to him, like a business transaction (which it is).
If he can't come up with any deposit, his name isn't on the mortgage and therefore not on the deeds. He'll have to pay you rent for a determined amount of time I guess? I'm sure others may have a better suggestion. But also get a trust deed drawn up by a solicitor to ringfence your deposit. It doesn't cost a lot to get that done. But definitely don't put his name on anything. Don't take pity on him for not having deposit.

Besttobe8001 · 08/07/2022 17:55

If he moves into your current house he should save a lot by not having private rent and sharing bills with you. He can contribute to your mortgage while saving for a home for the two of you.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 08/07/2022 17:58

So if he can't save a penny, how will he contribute to legal and moving expenses? Redecoration if required?

I'd be very wary of this. You can ringfence your deposit but it sounds like you might have a potential cocklodger on your hands to be honest. Sorry to be so negative but sounds like you're on totally different pages.

GoldenSpiral · 08/07/2022 18:05

I would ringfence all of the money you have put into your current property so that if you break up then he will have no right to it. It's very easy to do. He will only be entitled to 50% of the money put into the mortgage going forward. Make sure he pays an equal amount to you.

SamphirethePogoingStickerist · 08/07/2022 18:07

No, don't.

What you do do is work out how much you will lose on bills by having him there, council tax etc etc.

Then how much he will be saving on bills etc by moving in and you make sure that he pays you enough every month so that you both gain the same amount of additional cash.

He gets no call on your house, he pays his way and doesn't get to moan that he's paying part of your mortgage. First time he tries that pop him out.

Until he has a deposit that you can both work with you do not give up the house you have, that houses your kids.

He's an adult. He'll have to live with any perceived inequity. That's how the cohabiting cookie crumbles

Shinyandnew1 · 08/07/2022 18:09

so it would mean me buying the house, and putting their name on the deeds with no contribution.

is that your partner’s suggestion?

GoldenSpiral · 08/07/2022 18:10

Hmmm....he has £600 spare per month but fritters it away? I've changed my mind. I would let him move in and pay rent instead. You can see if he saves money going forward and go from there.

chiffchaffchiff · 08/07/2022 18:10

Let him move into your place and get a cohabitation agreement in place. You can look at owning together if you get married or have children but for now, protect your asset.

Aksbdt · 08/07/2022 18:13

You could buy as tenants in common which sets out what you both get if you separate but I’d feel suspicious about all this to be honest

wouldyoulikefrieswithyourdrink · 08/07/2022 18:15

Nope and it’s very telling it’s his idea to move in….
He would be a classic cocklodger within months

MolkosTeenageAngst · 08/07/2022 18:29

Absolutely no way would I be buying a house and putting on the name of a partner who hasn’t contributed.

Can he not move in with you in your current house? That would enable you both to save, he could pay a reduced rent and you would have help towards half of the bills and part of the mortgage. That would also mean you could both see whether you are actual compatible to live together before committing to buying somewhere.

JengaNonConfirming · 08/07/2022 18:43

I've been with my DP for nearly 6 years. We bought a house together last year, after living together for a couple of years. The equity from the sale of my property was the deposit and we share the mortgage cost 50/50. We also split the purchasing costs My deposit is protected. My DP was never going to be able to save enough for a deposit to match mine.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 08/07/2022 18:58

My partner says he cant afford to save anything at all whilst private renting

This bit makes sense

... so it would mean me buying the house, and putting their name on the deeds with no contribution

This bit doesn't - so if he moves in, why not ask him to save what he'd have spent on rent, hand it over to you when there's enough to represent his share of the deposit and then put his name on the deeds?

You'll probably ever have to do it though; if he's cheeky enough to have suggested this, I doubt you'll actually see the money

cherish123 · 08/07/2022 19:02

I wouldn't put someone else's name on the deed unless they contributed equal deposit. Makes things easier if you split up.

Poppyblush · 08/07/2022 19:03

No way! Protect your property/interest

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