DP wants to move in

[Jo245]

Hi everyone,
Long time poster under a new name as this could be quite outing. Me and my boyfriend have discussed moving in together. He private rents whilst I own my house. I wanted to sell my house so that we could buy somewhere together. My partner says he cant afford to save anything at all whilst private renting so it would mean me buying the house, and putting their name on the deeds with no contribution. They would be able to contribute monthly, but not towards deposit at all. Please give me advice on what you would do in this situation as I feel awkward about this. AIBU to think that if he wants it to be OUR home then he should be raising half of the deposit himself?
TIA.

If you do this, you will live to regret it. I'm really sorry but this isn't the man for you.

You can set up a declaration of trust that will allow you to ring fence your deposit. I would suggest he moves into your house to allow you to try out living together nail your approach to finance / house work / living etc.

Absolutely not. You would be crackers to agree to this. He’s getting all the benefit. What’s the benefit to you?

No, no , no. I did this, with a legal agreement in place.it went horribly wrong and i almost lost my house. In the end I've still got my house but ive also got a bigger mortgage than I've ever had and he's got a substantial lump sum and a fresh start.
Please don't!

Why not have him move in with you, charge him for half bills (depending on if you have children) a token amount of rent and then he can save to contribute to a new house together in the next 12-18 months?

You'll get to experience living together, he will also be able to financially contribute to the house. As no way in hell should you be buying a new home and putting him on with no financial contribution

When DH and I bought our first flat together we were not married and I couldn’t contribute to the deposit at all. He had about 40% of the cost to contribute so initially we planned to have him own that + 50% of remainder. We had similar incomes and shared all finances into one pot. We had been living together for 2 years by the time we bought though, together for 4-5. I don’t think o could ever see buying a property with someone I’d never lived him. But then I hate living with anyone other than DH.

If he moves in make sure he signs a document stating he has not claims to your property, (and any other assets perhaps such as pension) and that he never will have/make any claims against you - that the house belongs only to you etc., There is a particular name for what this document is but I do not know it. He renounces any/all claims to your assets.

So how does he see that spare £600 a month contributing to your lifestyle? I am taking a wild guess here that you don’t have a spare £660 a month kicking about, not when you have paid your mortgage, insurances , council tax, utilities and budgeted for repairs and maintenance.

I think £600 spare and he wont attempt to save a penny is very telling. It would be a firm no from me. You have nothing to gain from this.

And don't marry him if he moves in with you. Be really clear he's effectively a lodger. There on licence, so can be asked to leave. If he wants security, then he can cough up some cash...

I did this with ex-partner - I put in all the deposit and we both paid half the mortgage. Both names on the deeds. We had a Tenants in Common agreement, so the fact that I'd contributed the deposit was documented and I got it back + growth when we split up; the remainder of the equity was then split between us.

You sound a bit harsh to me "if he wants it to be OUR home then he should be raising half of the deposit himself". If isn't possible for him to save with his current income/outgoings, how is he supposed to do that??

I'd be more worried about whether his approach to finances is very different from your own. If you're prepared to live a frugal life to save up and he can't save because he doesn't want to give up trips to football games with the boys; expensive cars; and boys nights out - then your different attitude to finances is going to impact more than whether he can save for a deposit. On the other hand, if he has a similar approach to finances but just earns a bit less or has to pay more in rent than you do in mortgage - I'd go ahead with and buy with him but with a Tenants in Common agreement.

Do you have any children?

He does what everyone else does and either downsizes now to save rent or gets a better job to afford to save

why would you buy a property and put his name on the deeds?! he has contributed NOTHING

no no and no. he either moves in with you and pays x amount and keep every recipt and you pay for all upkeep...(so he cannot claim on your house!)! or carry on as you are!

To be honest I wouldn't even let him move in, not to mind buying a house. I bet if he moves in after a few months he will be short on month for the rent/bills due to an unexpected bill/ then he owes money to a friend etc. Leave things as they are.

Keep things as they are for a year or two - the interesting economic circumstances might change the housing market considerably, your BF can work out how to save money under tricky circumstances, which is ALWAYS a useful skill.

How well does he look after his own place? How long have you known him? Is he a lot younger (how come you own a house but he doesn't?).

My partner says he cant afford to save anything at all whilst private renting so it would mean me buying the house, and putting their name on the deeds with no contribution. They would be able to contribute monthly, but not towards deposit at all.

Nope. Nope. FUCK NO.

It's alarming that you would even entertain this idea for 10 seconds. Do not EVER buy a house with this man, he has red flags all over him. You would be a fool to risk your financial security on a wannabe cocklodger.

You can ring-fence your deposit.

Definately live together first.

Don't be stupid.
Is the £600 after all bills and food? If so he's a chancing cunt.

Everything pp have said. He has everything to gain and you have everything to lose.

Tell us a bit about your relationship. How long have you been together. Who started that conversation and suggested that. Describe his work ethic. Why does he have no money saved. How many red flags can you spot yourself?

He gets a piece of your house for free...and pays less for it than renting privately. You should laugh in his face 😆
Find the courage to tell him to f**k off.

No, just no!!

Have him move in by all means, but cover your backside financially. If he can't contribute equally, then he gets a rent book & it all stays in your name. You have absolutely no idea at this stage whether he is trustworthy, or a cocklodger who sees you as an easy target to live for free or cheaply, with a nice pay out at the end when you finally see what he is.

A decent guy will not expect something for nothing like this, so I really would not trust it.

I had an ex like this, I didn't put him on my mortgage & did give him a rent book. TF I did, because once his masked had slipped & he was showing his abusive cocklodger in all its glory, he felt entitled enough to try & sell my flat, that he paid nothing towards, for cash to his boss he was too thick to realise that the deeds in my documents drawers were a copy & then try & take me to court as he felt he was entitled to a pay out, as I'd dared for kicking him out for his affairs.

DH was exactly the opposite of this & expected to pay his way & more every step of our relationship

Do not risk your financial security with this man

So he wants the opportunity to benefit from your assets whilst contributing no assets of his own?

I mean I can see why he would want to do this, but why would you?

The issue with men (or women) who aren't fair with finances is that they don't suddenly get fair. This sounds like the kind of man who would be expecting you to fund your maternity leave from your savings if you you have children because he doesn't have any spare money - but still swanning around with £600+ at the end of the month.

For what its worth I put a lot more of the deposit down that my DH when we bought our first house (from money given by my family). But, we had been living together for over two years, he had already suggested combining our income and having the same money available even though he was the higher earner at the time and he had financially supported me through several months of unemployment when I was made redundant during the recession without ever commenting on the money being his. So I trusted him financially. It doesn't sound like you are in a position to know whether you can trust him financially.

Bad with money,wants to move in with you and wants to be on the deeds to a house he's not put down a deposit on;smells like a wannabe cocklodger.

Don’t do it! Live together first before buying somewhere. Could he move in to your house and contribute to your mortgage whilst saving a deposit for a future joint purchase?

Me and DP both own, I am selling mine to move in with him. Will save together for a while then buy together