To resent ex-wife's demands?

[Epiphone1]

My ex-wife rings or texts me about 20-30 times a day. She wants me to go round and help her with this, or support her with that. It's getting to the point now where I've had enough.

We've been separated since 2017. We stayed living in the house for financial reasons, but I moved out about 18 months ago and am quite happy.

We've got 2 kids. The eldest one lives with me full time. She has fallen out with her mother and they don't talk much.

We've always maintained a good friendship, and I try to help her as much as I can. But lately I am getting a bit fed up with her constant demands for me to help her.

Every week she seems to have a new emergency or dilemma or drama that she needs my help and support with.

I'm tired of looking after her full time.

What should I do....?

Get the divorce done.

And stop being sneery about 'fatigue' - the fact that she hasn't been able to get PIP means nothing, the aim is to actively deny to as many people as possible.

Honestly that sounds like you are communicating more and doing more for her than you would be in a relationship.

of course after her surgery say you don’t mind having both the kids because they are your kids and need to be taken care of. The rest of it is not your problem

also having had surgery I was gently up and about the following day and didn’t need to rely on anyone to cook/clean behind me so it sounds like she may milk it too!

Thanks dad, that would be great!

Ok so I messaged her:

"I want more distance from you, you expect too much from me. Sorry if this is painful but that’s what I want".

Her reply:

"Prick".

Well hopefully that's sorted it

So what, let her say what she wants.

Divorce.
Move on.

She's trying to manipulate you by using guilt.

So she does have family.
They can deal with her, it's no longer your problem as you are divorcing.

Be strong and firm.

Good message and that’s that

You do sound like a prick

So your "ex-wife" is actually your wife and you haven't got financial independence from each other because you haven't divorced.

Wow.

Massive drip feed there.

Thats very difficult because obviously shes had some serious issues and perhaps what she perceives as her current illness is depression and anxiety that would certainly fit with her needy presentation

The problem is that its very draining and you do need to prioritise your children, if you become low/depressed thats going to affect your parenting ability

I think I would be setting out to her family that she needs some support from them

Well, tbh, you do sound like a prick putting fatigue in quotes. I've had Long Covid. It is no joke. PIP refusal means nothing which is common knowledge. Also you claim you broke up in 2017 but had a problem with her seeing people in 2018? But you're also not divorced. Sounds like mixed messages to me. Noone has forced you to provide the care you have - you chose to do it. Your last message is not clear either. What does 'I want more distance from you' mean exactly? Complete distance (aside from the co-parenting relationship) is the norm if you are not in a relationship. So it suggests you don't actually want to be separated from your wife. You need to decide yourself what you want and then communicate that clearly. For example, I may ask my DC's dad to help me with building the DC's bed. Would you be ok with building furniture for the DC but not building furniture for your wife for example? These are the kind of boundaries you need to make clear.

Are you afraid that she might make seeing your daughter difficult if you don't help her out?

30 mins from her family isn’t far!! They don’t come running to help her as they know you will!

Take your dad up on his offer divorce today it is in your, her and DC best interest rather than half in half out

Why does he sound like a prick, to the posters accusing him of it?

They’ve been separated for five years, living separately for 18 months and are going through divorce. Him meeting someone new in that time is reasonable.

His daughter lives with him full time.

You're not even divorced so she isn't your ex wife, she is your wife. And you aren't financially independent, she still gets everything if you die.

Stop being spineless and a coward. Tell her to bugger off and get divorced. You've had long enough to do it, you're being pathetic now.

He's the man, so he is in the wrong, he's a twat, dick, prick etc, he was probably abusive, controlling and lazy.

Get divorced. Then you can have absolutely nothing to do with her other than where it concerns your kids.

🤣

Start the divorce. Daft staying married to someone you've spit up from.

She’s still your wife? Christ, get that sorted.

Report her stalking if she continues. Change your number and only communicate with her by email about the kid.

I'd suggest a new email account set up purely for communication and you each do a weekly check in regarding the child who resides with you and any arrangements that need making (Eg childcare whilst she's in hospital) can be sorted this way too.

He nursed her through cancer whilst she fucked around with other men... And even now, 5 years post separation he is still looking after her. Who is the prick in this situation?

Its the man of course. This is mumsnet, get with the programme!!