To resent ex-wife's demands?

[Epiphone1]

My ex-wife rings or texts me about 20-30 times a day. She wants me to go round and help her with this, or support her with that. It's getting to the point now where I've had enough.

We've been separated since 2017. We stayed living in the house for financial reasons, but I moved out about 18 months ago and am quite happy.

We've got 2 kids. The eldest one lives with me full time. She has fallen out with her mother and they don't talk much.

We've always maintained a good friendship, and I try to help her as much as I can. But lately I am getting a bit fed up with her constant demands for me to help her.

Every week she seems to have a new emergency or dilemma or drama that she needs my help and support with.

I'm tired of looking after her full time.

What should I do....?

Yes, we are financially independent.

Just firmly tell her that you do not have the capacity to help and ask her to only contact you regarding the children.

Ignore the calls.

Things are more complicated that I originally stated (aren't they always?). She claims to be 'disabled', with 'fatigue' (although she's been to the doctors and nothing came of it. She's had a PIP assessment and it was rejected). Also, she had breast cancer in 2018 (which I nursed and supported her through (while she was also having numerous relationships with other men)). She has ovarian cysts and is due to have them removed "soon". I just really don't want to be round her house feeding / washing / shopping / cleaning for her while she recovers from surgery. It's just too much. She has no family nearby. Her mother and sister live about 30 minutes away. But they never really show any interest in her. I think they just expect me to take care of her all the time. I'm so fed up with it, it's getting me down.

You need to be less available. It’s very kind of you to help her but really she’s not your responsibility.

Offer to have both kids 24/7 after her surgery, but that's where your responsibility ends. You are no longer married.

Just stop doing it. What do you think would happen? She’s not your responsibility and you have to own your choices. You have one child full time, what are they doing while you’re spending loads of time reluctantly caring for your ex, who your child doesn’t even like? Break the cycle.

Have you met anyone else OP

because if you haven’t she is going to fucking batshit crazy when you do

You think she is bad now - wait till you get a new girlfriend - my advice - move - far far away where the phone signal is shit 😂

Tell her to stop calling you, unless it's something essential regarding the kids. If she doesn't, block her number and tell her to email you if she needs to contact you (setup a dedicated email address for that). Or you could get a new phone number and tell everyone but her. Leave the old number in a spare phone that you only switch on once a day (or less) to check her messages.

Sounds like the kids are old enough that they have their own phones/access to zoom etc, so no reason why the kids can't stay in touch with you and ex directly. She can't claim that you blocking her number will impact her contact with the kids.

Hi, yes, well I have met someone new who is very special and this is why I want to distance myself more from ex-wife. I talked to my Dad about it and he said he'd pay for the divorce 😂😂

She's not your ex wife yet if you aren't divorced. Maybe she still thinks you might get back together

I'm not sure that's a good enough excuse for actual harassment

You’re divorced or not??

30 minutes is nearby! She has support, you need to live your own life.

This sounds a lot like my DH's ex who genuinely believed they would get back together- we only found this out when she decided the children shouldn't attend our wedding because it would be confusing to them! The only thing confusing them was her telling them they'd get back together one day!

Why haven't you divorced?! Do it fast... you are NOT financially independent if you're not divorced!

Put your 'phones on voice-mail, & just ignore all messages unless they are about the children

Stop responding to her text messages immediately. If someone messages you then it isn't urgent - this is why you are told to call 999 and message apps have disclaimers.

Then if she starts phoning you just block her number so her call goes to voicemail. You can then unblock around the time you want to see your children. (Google how to do it for your particular phone model.) Only ring her back if she states clearly in the voicemail what the emergency is and it directly involves your children. So if she says it is urgent or an emergency without saying why DO NOT ring her back. In a real emergency she will say what the issue is.

Then ring her back 3 hours later after she leaves the voicemail/message.

If she harangues you when you do speak to her simply say you were busy without going into specifics. If she tries to demand information from you about what you were doing tell her you are divorced and change the subject to ask what the emergency is. If it is not an emergency that involves your children then tell her she needs to deal with it herself, say bye and put the phone down.

It may take months or even a few years, but once she realises that you aren't at her beck and call she will leave you alone.

“Is this about the children”
yes- listen to her
no- ok take care then bye

and get divorced.

Gosh, you’re patient. Just stop replying. Or maybe reply every 48 hours at a specific time and deal in a business-like way with her demands.

Just stop replying.

Also you will not hang on to your new partner if you continue as you are, I guarantee you she will walk.

OP it's only as complicated as you want it to be.

You are no longer with her.

Oh and take your dad's offer up tonight. I'm not joking phone him up and say you accept his help.

Just say no and make it quite clear. If she doesn't pack it in report her to the police.
My exH did a similar thing because he couldn't cope with anything after he left. I told him I'd be taking out an injunction if he didn't sod off. I think he's latched onto some other woman now.

None of her health issues are your problem. You aren’t even her partner and you’re acting as if you’re her carer. Stop being such a doormat.

In the nicest possible way - you’re being really spineless here. You’re allowing her to behave like this because you don’t want to deal with confrontation if you tell her to stop.

Your new partner will get sick of it very quickly however.

This.

You're not her carer.

Offer help with childcare if she's unwell but that's the end of it.

Say NO, it's that simple.