To not want to send my 3 year old to nursery for the full 15 hours immediately?

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I have been a SAHM to my son for 3 years (super grateful I’ve been able to do that) & in September he will join the nursery attached to primary school & they seem VERY hot on attendance. He’s down for attending the max hours he’s eligible (15 hrs) so I assume they’d be paid for those hours even if I don’t always bring him in.

AIBU to say I want to start him with 3 or 4 day weeks for the first couple of months and build him up to a 5 day week? Are the rules for nursery’s in a school different from standalone playgroups?

I want him to get into a routine at nursery, but I feel that 3-4 days is enough for that. I also want him to enjoy at least one of his usual toddler classes that we’ve been doing up till now. They’re always mornings and he still naps. He’s also summer born so he’s also missed out on a whole year.

With a school nursery they will be set up for 9-12 - 5 days. Remember you’ll get 13 weeks hols too. Fine to miss occasionally but I wouldn’t pull out to go to x class every Thursday, just find another class eg afternoon. In areas with school nurseries often the toddler classes in mornings have no older ones as they are at nursery so it may not appeal.
Alternatively use your hours at a private nursery as you like. Mine did 3 days and I had 2 with her until she went to school. Was nice. Went swimming Thursday and to Kinder music Friday. Worked well for us.

My DS, 3 is in a private nursery. He started 15 hours a week last September. 5 days 1 to 4. At first he would become unsettled at around 3pm and they were happy for me to pick up early, until we built it up to 4pm
He's entitled to 30 hours from September but they don't have enough available hours so will be kept there on 15. That's fine by me as I'm not sure he'll settle with 30 immediately anyway and I didn't want to change settings as they're aware of his needs. His friends are all attending the school nursery from September but I know he needs at least another year of an informal setting. Definitely go for private, they're a lot more flexible.

Find a diff nursery- with more flexible options

DD went to the school nursery. Did the hours I requested.
Previous Head had insisted on mornings or afternoons. If that had been the case still I would have kept DD in a private nursery.
I don't think it makes any difference in getting a place at the school in Reception, but you might want to check if that's your preference.

I'm a big fan of nursery but what can you do in 3 hours? I couldn't be doing with that for 5 days a week. Is that compulsory to split 15 hours over the 5 days?

It's odd because in some places where the nursery provision is stretched, the staff are not suggesting it's not ideal if they don't attend. I have a relative who was only able to get three 3 hour sessions for her 31/2 year old.

I feel very naive reading these replies. I had no idea that nursery wasn’t flexible like other playgroups.

Honestly, if I had a choice I would like him to go 3 days a week and build up to 5 days. DS was delayed with milestones and since April stayed doing well with speech. I tried to put him in a local playgroup then but there were zero spaces even for one day a week.

i would still stay at home as it will be harder to find a job for three hours a day? Less than that as I’d need to go pick him up at the end of the three hours. We are fortunate not to need the childcare.

I had wanted him to go to the nursery connected to his school and give him a start with making friends and knowing teachers and the set up etc. but equally it’s not flexible as I thought.

thanks for all your replies

@IfIhearmumagaintoday yes can only do mornings if you only qualify for 15 hours and it must then be spread across 5 days.

Interesting thread. I imagined I wouldn't use my son's private nursery for the 2nd child and instead send him to the one at my elder son's school. I had no idea they might have rules around when I can send him. For my eldest, two mornings a week has been working just fine.

I feel very naive reading these replies. I had no idea that nursery wasn’t flexible like other playgroups.
That's only school nurseries though. Mine went to a private one (DC2 about to leave and start school) and always did 3 full days a week and 2 days off as that worked best with our work schedules. School nursery would have been a pain for us.

They also only close bank holidays and one extra day at Xmas so aren't term time only which we needed.

Our nursery, for complicated work/commute/moving house reasons is far enough away from the school that neither DC started school knowing any of the other children but DC1 made friends right away and DC2 will he the same. So I wouldn't worry about that side of it much.

If its attached to a school it'll be 8:30-11:30 (or roughly those times) 5 days a week. Unless you choose afternoon sessions. And if it's attached to a school they do insist on attendance, I've had multiple letters about my daughters attendance eventhough by law she's not required to attend anything!

Private nurseries are different, you can pick and choose the hours :)

Honestly, if I had a choice I would like him to go 3 days a week and build up to 5 days.

You need a private nursery. They will offer you flexibility and are much more likely to give you what you actually want.

It doesn't matter if he isn't at the school nursery. Friendships at this age are so fluid that even if he had made nursery friends it's unlikely they would still be his friends once he started school.

I’m pretty anti the universal 15 ‘free’ hours, but yeah, if you don’t want to send him for the hours the nursery requires, then don’t take up a place.

Just bear in mind that while private nurseries may give you more flexibility, they may give you less for free - for example they may charge a top-up fee per funded hour, or they may just give you a discount on the day rate.

I ran a school nursery for 5 years. Children did either mornings or afternoons. They signed up for 5 sessions a week and we got the funding for the full 5 sessions.

Lots of families built up to the 5, and even towards the end of the school year some children never did a full week.

It made no difference to us - sometimes we had a smaller group in a session and frankly that was lovely as we could focus on the children we had even more.

Honestly it was no skin off my nose if they didn't come to every session. In fact I felt some children benefited from maybe only doing 3 mornings, and having more time at home.

I guess the issue is if they have others who would have taken up the full timetable. I'd probably mentally think I can take him out on e.g. a Friday once or twice a month, but only if he seems tired or clingy. You've got every afternoon to do fun things.

I'd go for it. Lots of his little friend will be gone come September. He'll catch plenty of colds and be off. Teacher friend says it does help them settle into school routine much more easily.

When my dd was 3 she attended the school nursery for 3 mornings a week.

I worked and she also attended my work crèche for the 2 mornings that I was in the office.

School were ok with this. It was quite a rigid rule driven school and I was the first parent who had ever requested it. (This was 20 years ago)

Do whatever suits you 🤷🏻‍♀️

15 hours equates to 5 mornings 9-12 pm in a school nursery round here. Yes they get funding for the 15 hours but if you don't attend, the funding will not be granted, it isnt as simple as saying you only use what you want and they get their money anyway.
A private nursery would be much more flexible if you want to build up slowly, as you can have a mix of full days, half days and days off. You can also split it between two different providers (whereas you can't at school)
I had three mornings at private preschool and two mornings with a quiet childminder when dd became eligible x

Yes they get funding for the 15 hours but if you don't attend, the funding will not be granted,

This isn't quite true. They don't have to attend every day, they just have to be on the register and for their funding to be signed to the school and not anywhere else. If the child is going say 3 days a week they will still get the full funding.

5 mornings a week sounds like heaven if it works for the family. My daughter goes to childcare 4 days a week at the moment. When she gets her 30 free hours in September she will be going 3 full days and il be off on Mat leave too. You're allowed time to yourself.

Don't send him there if that's not what you want.
Is this the school you hope to send him to Reception for? Remember attendance at a school nursery DOES NOT give priority for a Reception place so if you are worrying about missing out on reception don't.
What do you want out of the 15 hours? Is it time for your child to be away from you to gain some independence? Learn how to follow some basic rules (taking turns, doing an activity at a specific time, sitting quietly when told to etc).
If that's what you want then either find a private nursery or a childminder and just use some of the 15 hours towards a couple of mornings.

I am in the same boat OP I applied for a school nursery and they've given me 5 days of 3hrs in the afternoon and I asked about attendance because its not school mandatory age and they were very no unless they are ill they need to come in every day.

the hours was 12.15 to 3.15 which means can't do anything in the morning or afternoon.

so I enquired instead at a private nursery and they are happy for my dd to go whenever as long as I give the heads up Its not regimented.

try private

Another alternative is a pre school. They are run by a committee, there’s one in our village hall think it’s 3 mornings a week term time only.

My son attended a school nursery. It is NOTHING like a private nursery. They also got 30 free hours back then so it was the full 5 days.
They wore uniform and took part in school activities just like the older ones. It was just like being at school. They would not have allowed me to change the hours etc.
We moved house and schools and the new school didn't have a nurse for my daughter. So we used a private nursery. The differences were huge.