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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to send my 3 year old to nursery for the full 15 hours immediately?

75 replies

Authenticity2020 · 08/07/2022 13:27

I have been a SAHM to my son for 3 years (super grateful I’ve been able to do that) & in September he will join the nursery attached to primary school & they seem VERY hot on attendance. He’s down for attending the max hours he’s eligible (15 hrs) so I assume they’d be paid for those hours even if I don’t always bring him in.

AIBU to say I want to start him with 3 or 4 day weeks for the first couple of months and build him up to a 5 day week? Are the rules for nursery’s in a school different from standalone playgroups?

I want him to get into a routine at nursery, but I feel that 3-4 days is enough for that. I also want him to enjoy at least one of his usual toddler classes that we’ve been doing up till now. They’re always mornings and he still naps. He’s also summer born so he’s also missed out on a whole year.

OP posts:
Legoisaws8om · 08/07/2022 14:17

Find another preschool that will do the hours you want over 2 days. You don't have to claim the full entitlement.

GreenRainbowSun · 08/07/2022 14:18

My son has a place at a nursery with similar hours - it's a council run one- although not actually a school one.
I was thinking of doing the same thing- although thought I would see how my son gets on at first.
Nursery isn't compulsory so as long as I tell them when he isn't coming I don't see why it should be an issue? People are going to go on holiday even if nursery is on, or if we have family things (this nursery is open nearly all year- including school holidays)

MassiveSalad22 · 08/07/2022 14:23

YANBU, do what you want. Choose a nursery that works for you. I have a friend whose kids didn’t go to nursery at all before reception, they’re totally fine and adjusted to school great.

DasGirl · 08/07/2022 14:25

Don't send them to the school nursery then. I didn't take up the funded place for my DC1 at 3 as the hours didn't suit.
I took it up the following year at age 4.

I'm in Scotland where they go to school until nearer age 5 so don't know what it's like where you are

DockOTheBay · 08/07/2022 14:26

You do see a difference in those children in terms of behavior, socialization in the class and, academic level (obviously not including those with SEN) than those who attend regularly.
My daughter only attended preschool for 7 months in the end due to COVID. She did 2 morning a week (3 hours) and was absolutely fine in terms of behaviour, socialisation and academic ability. Also settle into year R with no issues.

It's probably more likely to be a third factor, such as deprivation which links to low attendance and also worse behaviour.

PinkButtercups · 08/07/2022 14:28

DS turned 3 on Wednesday. He's going to nursery attached to a primary also for 15hrs 5 days a week.

I have an option to slowly draw him in but I'm not going to. If he was sobbing I would go pick him up obviously. But he needs to get used to it. I think he is so ready anyway and he will be fine. I'm just not doing it slowly. It's only 3 hours a day.

DockOTheBay · 08/07/2022 14:28

You don't have to send them the full 15 hours but if you're taking up 15 hours of place then you should send them to most sessions. It's not fair on other children to take up a space you're not actually using and also the preschool are expected to follow up if you have sporadic attendance. If you miss (for example) every Thursday, they could get in trouble for claiming funding for Thursday's.

Original poster
Authenticity2020 · 08/07/2022 14:34

I believed that as long as the school were getting there 15 hours paid to them, I didn’t think it would be an issue to not always send him 5 days a week in that first term. But since visiting them last week it became apparent that it’s a lot more regimented. It’s really hard to know how DS will adjust. I mean if he loves it then great! 15 hours will fly. But if he doesn’t, then I wanted to create a compromise where at least once a week we could do something familiar and fun. Being with me is all he’s known, it will be a massive jump to suddenly do 5 days a week, even though just 3 hours they don’t have concept of time. So I think at the start it could be a huge leap.

Obviously there’s no legal obligation to send them for 15 hours, or at all. But I don’t want to make hard work for the school or annoy them and I also don’t want others to lose a place. I’ll just have to tell them and see how they feel. Then decide.

OP posts:
PinkButtercups · 08/07/2022 14:34

I meant infant not primary

oviraptor21 · 08/07/2022 14:34

For a well looked after child, 15 hours of nursery at age 3 is overkill.
My DC started with 2 mornings, then 3 mornings at age 4ish and 4 mornings in the term before they started school.
Not sure what the obsession is with long hours unless of course needed for childcare.

DockOTheBay · 08/07/2022 14:35

Can he just do 2 or 3 mornings? Or do they say you have to do 5?

DockOTheBay · 08/07/2022 14:36

For the whole year I mean. Rather than start with 3 and build up to 5. They could give the other 2/3 mornings to someone else.

DyingForACuppa · 08/07/2022 14:39

I had a bit of a wobble when I realized my first was about to start as I had been thinking she had to do every day (as that's what lots of people do). The idea that we'd no longer have week days together to just head off on an adventure was too sad! So I put her in two 'full days' (6 hours) and a half day, so we still had two days to ourselves.

It was great and I'm doing the same with younger one. Plus all the holiday days, you'll still see them a lot!

DasGirl · 08/07/2022 14:43

Being with me is all he’s known, it will be a massive jump to suddenly do 5 days a week, even though just 3 hours they don’t have concept of time. So I think at the start it could be a huge leap.

But they don't have a massive leap, at least not in a good nursery experienced at setting children in properly.

When mine started school nursery they started on a Wednesday and went with me for an hour. Then the next 2 days they did 2 hours and I stayed for a little while then waited in parents room.
It was the end of the following week before they were in for 3 hours.

An experienced nursery should be able to take it at the child's pace. The biggest thing is often the tiredness rather than parental separation.
If you feel your son isn't coping then just speak to the staff.

Beees · 08/07/2022 14:48

Is there no way you could change nursery. If you don't want him doing 5 days then a school nursery just isn't the right choice, most people chose them because it's a set amount of time over 5 days.

A private nursery would be a much more sensible choice and more flexible especially if you decide at some point you want to increase his hours.

slowquickstep · 08/07/2022 14:49

If you are down for the free 15 hours, tell them that for the first half term he will only be in Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Your his parent so do what you think is best for him.

DockOTheBay · 08/07/2022 14:51

slowquickstep · 08/07/2022 14:49

If you are down for the free 15 hours, tell them that for the first half term he will only be in Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Your his parent so do what you think is best for him.

The nursery may not allow this as they will not be able to claim the funding for Tuesday and Thursday.

flowerfake · 08/07/2022 14:54

If he is only used to your company, and has been born and grown up in covid, do you think it might be worth trying the daily routine of nursery for him and see how it goes?

I think daily routine makes it easier for the kids to become friends, if he is in and out different days he might be more isolated and have less chance to develop friendships than those there every day.

Icecreamsodaloda · 08/07/2022 14:55

DockOTheBay · 08/07/2022 14:26

You do see a difference in those children in terms of behavior, socialization in the class and, academic level (obviously not including those with SEN) than those who attend regularly.
My daughter only attended preschool for 7 months in the end due to COVID. She did 2 morning a week (3 hours) and was absolutely fine in terms of behaviour, socialisation and academic ability. Also settle into year R with no issues.

It's probably more likely to be a third factor, such as deprivation which links to low attendance and also worse behaviour.

I'm guessing she did it regularly though? I think its the routine that helps and obviously I'm generalizing individuals can be fine but I can see why the nursery push it as it's for the parents who won't bring them because they can't or can't be bothered not the ones who are taking them to classes/experiences.

Sciurus83 · 08/07/2022 14:57

Sounds like you would be better at a private nursery than a school one

Fupoffyagrasshole · 08/07/2022 15:01

if you don't send him in - then that's taking a place from someone else who might need it!! I can see where they area coming from

and if he isn't attending daily then can they even claim the 15 hours

Plumbear2 · 08/07/2022 15:04

If you want to take a place at a school nursery you do need to stick to the rules. If you don't do the five full mornings you are denying another child the chance of a place. If you don't like this seek a private nursery place

Goldencarp · 08/07/2022 15:05

You don’t have to send him to nursery full stop if you don’t/want need to. If you want to or need to but feel it’s too much I’d find a different nursery.

none of mine went to pre school or nursery , they were absolutely fine starting reception at 4 and settled well.

Thebeastofsleep · 08/07/2022 15:06

Do you want him to go at all? Could you keep him home with you until after Christmas if they'll let you? Or find a private nursery that will let you spread the 15 hours across the year, so 11 hours a week every week?

queenie2016 · 08/07/2022 15:10

I never sent my daughter to the school nursery kept her in the private nursery across from it I got 30 hours when she was 3 and just sent her in each day for afternoons maybe just do this instead ? Much easier picking and choosing when you want and can pick up whatever time you like in the day .

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