Grandparents babysitting

[Maybee21]

DP and I have one son, 14 months old.
We and our DS are lucky enough to have very involved grandparents, they want to see him as much as they can and adore spending time with him, we know how lucky we are in this respect.

I love my MIL, she is a good person, however, AIBU to greatly prefer my own mother to look after baby as I know my mother constantly plays with him in a very interactive manner, stimulates his mind and imagination etc, while MIL will just sit on the sofa with the TV on watching him play, she might take him in the garden for 10 mins but then she wants to be back inside. She is TERRIBLE at properly interacting with him.

I do realise that I can't stipulate how their time is spent when they're doing us the favour but this really rankles me.

Thoughts appreciated.

Neither way is wrong though unless he’s safe and happy?!

it’s actually detrimental to constantly entertain and interact with young children, they also need to learn to just ‘be’ or entertain themselves.

*as long as he’s safe and happy

My mil snubbed our ds. As in refused to acknowledge he existed.. Maybe just appreciate your dc has loving dgps? In time she may be more actively involved - not everyone is good with all ages of dc!! Or buy some outdoor stuff for her garden?

I agree with PP. He's safe, loved and there's no need for constant interaction and stimulation. In fact it's good for them to learn to manage for periods of time without entertainment. It's fine for them to spend time on the floor with tots etc. I wouldn't care.

Your child doesn’t need non-stop interaction.

It’s perfectly OK for him to play with his toys while someone watches the telly - obviously not all day every day, but absolutely fine now and again. I think you need to chill out about this.

Is this your first child by any chance?

mine will happy roll/play around on the floor while I watch something/read a book for hair and hour. Then I’ll sing/clap/interact. If I did it non stop I’d be mentally frazzled. They need a balance and so do we.

I think it depends how much she's babysitting him.
If she's having him 8-6 five days a week say whilst you work, it's not OK and he needs more. If she's having him once a month for a few hours and sees him other times too I don't see the issue.

14 mo don't actually need to be interested with every second of their awakeness

Yabu. Just be grateful.

It depends on how long she's babysitting him for. If it's for hours over several days a week, then I would be unhappy with this. But if it's just a couple of hours here and there to help you out of a bind or so you can have a break or something, then I wouldn't be bothered.
Children don't need constant stimulation and interaction, it matters that he is safe and being looked after.

Be grateful you have her.

He's fine. How do you know she just sits with the tv on ? Children don't need constant entertainment.

TheSoapyFrog has it spot on.

Totally agree. Play mat on the floor, surrounded by toys. Baby heaven 😍

Aww, a precious first born thread 😊 as already stated a child does not need constant stimulation or interaction, its important for their development, that sometimes they're left to entertain themselves (with an adult present obviously)
Both sets of dgps love your dc, let them both build a relationship with him their own way

Babies do not need constant interaction, they need to learn how to entertain themselves. I see so many children in my job who can't entertain themselves because they are constantly stimulated by others.

Don't play favourites

As long as both live and care and your child is safe and happy.

Babies don't need constant interaction they just need a safe place to play and someone who loves them

Your MIL has brought your DP up and you think they are ok. You acknowledge that she loves your baby. Suggesting that one parent is better for your child than the other is divisive and almost certainly wrong.

Depends how often it is. If you're asking for babysitting once a week for 2 hours, it won't hurt him. If it's two or three full days a week, he obviously needs more stimulation, plus she shouldn't have the TV on in the background. Do you need him to go more often, e.g. you're at work, or is it just that she asks to have him? If it's the latter, then why don't you go round too and make sure you keep interacting with him even if she's not.

I'd be grateful, as I get zero help! To enjoy another poster, as long as the child is safe and happy, it doesn't matter. If you felt that strongly about it you could pay for Childcare? It's really expensive!

Anyone else just reading this and thinking how they’d give their right arm for regular family help, let alone the pick of who you think does it best!

Kids need some time to be just left to do their own thing (while supervised when they’re tiny of course). So neither your mum or MIL is wrong in what they’re doing.

Be grateful, my parents are both dead and my in laws are toxic.

You have no idea how lucky you are to have two lots of grandparents who are willing and able to keep your dc warm safe and fed.