To feel that I’m only just surviving, not living.

[byathread20]

Just that really…
I started a new job in May (management in the NHS in the nursing sector) and it’s 4 days per week when previously working 3 and I just feel I’m literally skidding through each day.

I used to have time to plan meals, socialise, exercise etc and I just feel that in the last few weeks now work has really ramped up, that I’m doing really shitty in every other area of my life.

I’ve not had time to see my friends in ages, my kids have mostly been living off of picky dinners or pasta, me and the husband have been having crappy pasta dinners and the house is a tip. I literally used to iron all the uniforms, hoover every day, cook a fresh meal every day etc but now I barely have the energy to stand up by the time I get home from work.

Bit of background: 2 children with additional needs aged 10 and 5, both in breakfast club and Afterschool club 5 days per week (7.30am - 17.30pm). Husband works full time but on a shift rotation so starts as early as 7am and finishes as late as 8pm. I work 8/8.30-17.00/17.30. My new job is mostly in the office rather than home working but I have the odd day at home so manage to hang the washing out on my lunch break or make a lasagne instead of the morning commute but this isn’t often.

My day off is often filled with either medical/dental/hearing/vision appointments for me and the kids or I try to see my Mum as she is disabled and needs my support. Then my four day working week rolls around and I just feel that it’s about all I can do to hold everything together. Husband is great and happy to help however has to be told to do things (i.e when he’s home before me, I will call on drive home to ask him to preheat oven etc).

I’m petrified that this is just my life now and that I have made a mistake taking a job with more hours and more responsibility but money is so tight so definitely need the extra pay (Around an extra £600-£700 a month). My 10yr old often tells me how proud of me they are (got my nursing qualification while they were 2yrs old, finishing when they were 5 and pregnant with my other in my final year, then returned to uni when they were 6 and 18m to get a masters in specialist nursing field and have since moved up 2 pay grades) and whilst I want my children to see the value of working hard, I don’t want them to remember that Mummy was always busy, always exhausted and always stressed out.

Can things get better or will I permanently be on fight or flight?

No one on their deathbed was ever sad that they hadn't attended more meetings ( except my dad ). You can always step down a grade now ,whilst your children are young, and then push on with that part once they are more independent. A famous woman whose name escapes me once said "You can have it all, just not all at once". Very wise words.

What are you ironing? I wear jersey like tops that can be hung dry without creasing. do you have a uniform to iron? We don't do any ironing in this house. My dc goes to school as is, when her wash finishes I get all her uniform out and hang it dry though and it looks fine.

Cook wise, batch then freeze is your friend, get dh to do one batch and you do the next weeks.
I just give up on cleaning if I'm feeling too tired then blitz it when I'm feeling less tired. Dh has to help with this. I think you're standards are too high, no one will notice if you just stop doing some of these jobs.

You are doing too much and it's time to be ruthless!
If the DC go to breakfast club, surely they can have breakfast there? They don't need a pre/ breakfast and then you don't need to shop prepare and tidy up from it.
Uniforms do not need to be ironed- they might look slightly crumpled but if you smooth out shirts when they are damp and hang them up, that is good enough.
Hoovering - that does not need to be every day, and can be delegated to DH or DC.
I'd try to get as much as possible done on work days, so that you get some free time on your day off and weekends.
Maybe you can give DH specific tasks , it's a shame you have to spell it out to him, but if needs must... get him to set alarms on his phone for eg emptying bins regularly, washing bed linen etc.
It is very annoying to have a DH who needs to be told everything, quite unsexy really.