AIBU about MIL not saying happy birthday

[WishingAndHoping11]

It's my daughter's first birthday today and so far my MIL hasn't said happy birthday in any sort of message. We weren't due to be seeing my inlaws today but I thought they might phone or message. My PIL said happy birthday on my Facebook post but not MIL. I know this all sounds silly but I just feel like it's a bit unfriendly and tbh it's annoyed me. MIL is always on Facebook. She loves posting stuff about what she's doing and photos of herself and PIL. I've seen her commenting on other people's posts today but not on her DIL's post about her own granddaughter. My post was quite heartfelt as I'd had a really worrying, tough pregnancy with dd and her arrival a year ago was a real blessing. So maybe that's made me a little more sensitive.

AIBU or would a message on Facebook, WhatsApp, etc or just a quick phone have been expected on a birthday from grandparents? Yes a one year won't have a clue but just to show a little bit of interest would be nice.

Could she have forgotten and now needs to keep her head down until she can turn up with a card and gift?

Is she offended that she hasn't been invited to a party or family gathering, particularly if your dm were invited?

Would she wait for an invite before coming round?

Did she send a birthday card?

I would expect grandparents to send a birthday card. But not necessarily a message on the day. And I absolutely wouldn't expect anyone to communicate via Facebook about anything.

Of course it would have been nice but personally I would not lose a minute's sleep over it - just take it as how she reacts . - Happy birthday to DD @👏💐🎂

You are not being unreasonable!

I certainly wouldn't worry about a Facebook post (prob wouldn't even cross my mind who had or hadn't posted)

If someone posts a really gushy one, I usually don't post at all as they just wind me up, so could it possibly be that?

That said it's strange if she hasn't messaged off Facebook or sent a card. If she has the YABU.

To me, a 1 year old will have no idea about a post about them on Facebook, or a text sent to their parents. It would be different if your DC was a bit older and had their own social media and phone.

As long as you know they love your DC and will care for them, that’s all that matters. Has she sent a card/gift?

Bit odd if she hasn't sent a card forget Facebook.

I agree with other posters - a card would have been nice I don't give a stuff about FB .

Personally I say Happy Birthday on FB to people who have their own FB account.
If she's a fairly prosaic type, she'll probably give DD a present when she sees her, tbh there's not much need for anything else.
However if you let her know that getting birthday messages on FB and cards on the day is important to you, if she's a nice kind person she'll do that for you in the future. It's probably not a big deal to her, hence it hasn't occurred to her, unless of course she's seen your posts and actually ignored them. That would be mean.
But also be aware that FB algorithms can be weird, it's possible she's not seeing them all.

If that's the worst your mil has done, you are so lucky. grow up.

Did they send a card and present? I've got grandchildren, have never, and would never, post a birthday announcement on Facebook (just as I don't mention things like missing my parents on Mother's Day and Father's Day etc. It's pointless drivel)

Your

Does she expect a card on her birthday. Can't imagine nor giving a gc a cars to open on the day.

I feel like contact via a message or preferably phone call is really important on birthdays if it's somebody I'm close to. I would be quite upset if my kids didn't get a message from their grandparents. Especially since their grandparents are messaging all the time with loads of other stuff!

It's just strange that she's such a Facebook person. I've just looked back and she's put birthday posts on for other people with photos and for another child in the family.
This sounds really petit but I'm wondering if it's because I rarely like her posts. They're often showing off type posts that just make me cringe. So I genuinely don't like them.

Facebook aside, we might be seeing PIL this weekend so I'm sure dd will get a card or gift. However, DH and I would have appreciated a message, even if it's just to say, I hope dd had a lovely day. What makes it more obvious to me is that they made a huge fuss of ds's first birthday. I do wonder if the novelty has worn off for the second grandchild.

Is there a planned event at the weekend, a family party or similar? If so then would expect the card then.

But Fil posted isn't that enough? If Mil had posted and not Fil would you be upset with him? Do they both normally post?

Does seem odd! I would be upset by this too. So there was no card/present in the post? What is your relationship like generally?

Sorry if I'm being dim, but who is PIL?

YANBU,that’s shitty of her.

I do think it's rubbish that she hasn't been in touch today but, if you're seeing them on the weekend, I'd reserve judgment until then - if they turn up with a card and a thoughtful gift, and make a big fuss, then I'd see it that they've redeemed themselves .

You might be right about fb though. If you never like her stuff, she may have noticed and feel hurt. You say she uses it to brag but presumably it is stuff that's important to her. So a bit rich to complain that she didn't like your post today.

No card or present today although we may see them at the weekend so could be something then.
Relationship is OK but only OK. In laws are moving away in a few months and are busy doing their thing with all that. They've gradually become more distant since that decision was made.

PIL - parents in law
Don't know why I put that and not just inlaws 😂

True, I get your point. Maybe she is a bit miffed by the Facebook thing. It's very hard for me to like stuff that's just so materialistic, braggy and name dropping. I have to scroll past as its total cringe! Dh and I aren't like that at all. I don't put much on Facebook these days and when I do, it's usually something sincere and meaningful. I'm also very down to earth with what I say. MIL isn't like that, it's very much all for show.

Could it be that she's just not as interested by the second grandchild? Does the novelty wear off for grandparents?

Yanbu OP. My in laws make such a huge fuss of SiL's two children every year. Last year my son went completely ignored on his birthday and this year our daughter turned one - nothing from either PiLs or SiL. I felt very hurt by this, so understand how you feel.

My sons birthday was not long ago and my mum forgot last year and this year and he's 9! It did bother me but I tried not to let it. I can see why you're upset though, even though she's a baby it's still nice to have it acknowledged!

Oh come on. She’s not made any comment or recognition of her grandchild’s birthday. It’s a hurtful thing to do.

PIL - parents in law Don't know why I put that and not just inlaws

But… you said MIL said nothing, but ‘PIL’ said happy birthday? Surely your mother-in-law is one of your parents-in-law?!