DM making our dcs fat

[Jennybeans401]

Both me and dh have jobs where we work antisocial hours. We don't have many childcare options so dm stepped in to help and this has been ongoing over a few years. She's obsessed with overfeeding the dcs, we've tried talking to her kindly and then had sterner words. Nothing seems to work with her!

Eldest dd has gained a lot of weight and despite mine and dh best efforts (healthy eating at home, lots of exercise, etc) is eating too much at my dm. We have provided fruit, healthy snacks but dm buys doughnuts and sugary cakes. This evening we said they could have a treat after school then fruit after dinner. Instead dm has given them two doughnuts each and an adult size dinner.

AIBU to think it's worth reducing our working hours so we don't need the childcare?

Please don't let her do this. I'd go to my grandma in the school holidays and get hugely fat then my mother would put me on a strict diet during term times until I was thin again and as a result I am 60 with a binge eating disorder and have struggled all my life with food. My mother won't have me over if I'm fat.
It's just galling and I'm always struggling with food.

I’d cut back everywhere I could in hopes of affording childcare. If not possible, then I’d cut my hours (cutting hours in a cost of living crisis wouldn’t be my first choice tbh). Health is so important- many would say the most important thing. She could cause them serious long term issues. I would forgo a lot to protect my DC from that.

My ex is like this. He gives my kids cokes, chocolate, crisps, snacks whenver they want. My 12 and 13 year old have mini fridges in their rooms filled with sugary fizzy drinks.

They are all slim though as they do a lot of sport. When they are at mine they crave proper food though and wolf down healthy home made meals and lots of fruit. But they were mostly fed good food by me until we split up their snacks were limited

I don't understand this need to push such unhealthy food onto kids who are happy eating mostly healthy food.

3 years on and my fussy eating teen has now started cooking at her dad's as she has become fed up of takeaways. I never expected that to happen!

Your DM isn't going to stop overfeeding your children so, as hard as it is, you're going to have to find a solution to enable you to stop using her as childcare.

There seems to be a strange attitude by some people regarding the relationship between food and love.

One of my daughter's husband posted a whole nasty rant about me on fb some time ago - we don't get on - and one of my shortcomings as a grandmother was my not having the biscuit tin permanently open for them and not feeding them sweets; means I don't love them enough apparently.

Can’t you do days whilst your dh continues to do nights?