To never want to speak to ex again, especially after him saying this?

[Scotcousin]

At the end of an almost five-year relationship he told me he'd never been in love with me and he'd always known I was more into him than he was into me. He was also critical of my home, cooking, interests, etc, he used to make me feel a bit inferior to him sometimes. I've told my friend I never want anything to do with him again, but she thinks I'll come around eventually. Is it stubborn to not want anything to do with him?

He sounds like a raging Thundercunt to be honest. Don't give him a second's thought

Absolutely this.

I would also avoid any 'friends' who think it's a good idea for you to 'come round' and get over it. Not sure how good those friends are, tbh.

An ex of mine told me I was his "guinea pig" - to test if he wanted to be in a relationship or not. He didn't. He also thought it was OK to hook up with people he met on holidays and invite them round his house to, I quote, "eat blueberry muffins".

Absolute knob fuck of a man. He was mid thirties too. Younger me needed a good hard slap and shake from her future self. I'd never tolerate such dickery these days.

Still astounded by what a cunt he was.

He also once admonished me for eating too much cheese.

Just be glad you're free of him.

He is horrible and after what he said to you it proves it. Why does your friend think you will go back to him after what he said? Did you go back to him in the past?
Does your friend think that they are nothing without a man in their life? I know woman like this and being honest they will ignore every red flag, cheating, bad behaviour ect to stay as part of a couple.

A man of your ex age won't have a load of woman willing to take him on especially if he says things like that to them. He will end up lonely in his old age.

If your involved with a group that your ex is in just contact your friends their and meet up with them. Tell them that your relationship is over and maybe in time you could go back to the group. Don't lose friends because of him.

Exactly.

@CactusBlossom He used to make you feel inferior? You are well rid of him! Block him on all social media. Sounds like a narcissist to me."

I've been talking to a therapist to help me and this is what she also suggested, but I don't know as he'd good points also - otherwise I wouldn't have stayed so long with him. I have my faults also, but I can see now he's probably looking for the "perfect" partner to live up to his high standards.

@Ilady He is horrible and after what he said to you it proves it. Why does your friend think you will go back to him after what he said? Did you go back to him in the past?"

No, we'd never broken up before. And it's not that she wants me to get back with him - rather, to eventually socialise with him again in the group.

Even though I'm over the heartbreak and would never have him back, one thing that plays on my mind from time to time is that his next girlfriend will be "the one", even though I was his longest relationship, he's had many girlfriends and he's now late 50s. How do I get to the stage where I couldn't care less if the next is his dream woman, because I'm not quite there yet, and maybe it's my low self-esteem?

It just takes time.

It’s important for you to have no contact with him as that will keep setting you back.

Try and get on OLD and go to the gym to feel good about yourself.

You’ll soon find someone who makes you forget all about him and in the meantime have fun going out on dates and meeting new people (even if they end up being losers).

I think it's scared me off dating for life, to be honest, to think I was with someone for so long but they kept from me how they really felt. Yes, I want to continue to have no contact, hence my original post about my friend.

Just after a further little bit of reassurance. I bumped into another person from this social group and she said I'd "given it enough time now and time to come back". I mean, I'm starting to question how bad was what he said at the end after our years together - which was over the phone, by the way. I suppose having someone else encouraging me to meet up has me wondering if I'm being stubborn in not wanting him in my life, even if I do miss out a bit socially?

Good god, bin him off completely. Why would you have contact with someone who treated you like that? Who stays in touch with exes anyway. He's a horrible man and you deserve a younger, better partner.

Stick to your boundaries! I’m counting down until my child is 18 so I never have to speak to his father again.

Reminds me of an ex; when we finished he said he'd checked out of our relationship much earlier. To which I laughed and said that was an entirely unnecessary comment meant to somewhat stoke his fragile ego and cause me upset.

I blocked him on WhatsApp. He then attempted contact over the following months via every other social media platform and online dating site. I just blocked each time and didn't engage at all. He even messaged by daughter some random shit. Last time he popped up he'd tracked me down on LinkedIn!

They like to think they have the last word and they are the big man. In truth they're pathetic little boys with tiny fragile egos who aren't suited to adult relationships. Stay firm and avoid all contact with this man child

@courtrai 'In truth they're pathetic little boys with tiny fragile egos who aren't suited to adult relationships. Stay firm and avoid all contact with this man child"

I'm not saying I was perfect, but I think what you say there is true maybe about him not being suited to adult relationships and that it wasn't just me - he's in his late 50s and ours was his longest relationship, he has had many previous relationships, from what I can gather all ended by him. He was so cold at the end.

Maybe what you say the about fragile egos and him being critical/belittling of me are related.

I intend to stay firm and rereading this thread helps!

Why would you friend say that you will “come round” to a nasty ex? Very weird of the friend, and you absolutely shouldn’t involve yourself with that horrible man ever again. To say something like that after you broke up is cruel. If he was telling the truth then he’s got something seriously wrong with him - who goes out with someone for 5 years if you don’t love them or you just like feeling powerful from the fact that they’re really into you? And if he wasn’t telling the truth then he was clearly just bitter at the breakup and wanted to hurt you, in which case, why would you want to be friends with someone who would intentionally hurt you like that? Be done with him, and tell your friend not to bring him up.

I don’t think your ‘friends’ care much about your feelings regarding this relationship. What they care about is their own enjoyment with the friendship group and maybe you played a big part in making that work. People mostly care about themselves, even if that means minimising your own boundaries in order to do so.

Why would you bother with him at all? Delete and move on.

Yanbu. But...

It sounds like they will all move on without you. So if you're happy missing the groups that's fine but make sure you replace that group with something else so you dont end up lonely.

@RealBecca I still meet with a couple of them myself that I was closest to. I have joined a club to continue to pursue my hobby

You know we're all wondering what the hobby is?

I say keep joining other things. These people aren't the only ones on the planet to hang with.

It's a walking and hiking club.

@Scotcousin good on you! then just carry on as you are and leave them to it. The group mindset sounds like they dont like an inconvenience to them of an awkward breakup to their routine so stick with the ones making a seperate effort. X

Is it inconvenient for your friend if you avoid the social circle? Group dynamics will change, that's probably why she's hoping you will reconsider.
Or maybe she doesn't want you to cut off your nose to spite your face?
Whatever, you've got every reason to avoid nasty ex, you obviously wouldn't enjoy any social gathering if he was there.
Do what works for you.

Yes, my desire to not want anything to do with him overrides the feeling of missing out on group get-togethers. I'll continue to meet those that I want and hopefully continue to enjoy new group.

Your friend is perhaps invested in you remaning in touch, that foesnt oblige you. NC all the way, you owe him nothing.