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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To never want to speak to ex again, especially after him saying this?

85 replies

Scotcousin · 07/07/2022 18:56

At the end of an almost five-year relationship he told me he'd never been in love with me and he'd always known I was more into him than he was into me. He was also critical of my home, cooking, interests, etc, he used to make me feel a bit inferior to him sometimes. I've told my friend I never want anything to do with him again, but she thinks I'll come around eventually. Is it stubborn to not want anything to do with him?

OP posts:
ChaToilLeam · 07/07/2022 20:29

He sounds horrible, no wonder you don’t want to see him again. Your friend is daft.

If your mutual friends were worth anything, they’d contact you. But the others - forget ‘em.

Whiskeypowers · 07/07/2022 20:34

Scotcousin · 07/07/2022 20:13

@Whiskeypowers You must not be over him to feel this way

I am over him now, although it took time. It's just how cold and heartless he was at the end that still gets me sometimes.

Sorry I didn’t mean to come across as a patronising tit
of course it hurts, it is bewildering to any normal functioning person why and how these sort of “adults” behave this way .You wonder why.
you deserve better.

AFineBalance · 07/07/2022 21:25

Sounds like you’ve kept the relationships from the group that meant something.

I would move on and not give him the time of day ever again

Moonchair1 · 07/07/2022 21:29

Call when u want ha he just wants a shag every week no strings attached… il tell him where to go he will be a very lonely old man one day

SunscreenCentral · 07/07/2022 21:34

Does your 'friend' enjoy the drama? There's a certain type of person who love to have struggling friends. It makes them feel better about themselves.

Original poster
Scotcousin · 07/07/2022 21:39

@Moonchair1 He's late 50s now. This was his longest relationship. I feel he strung me along and I've made it clear to my friend I won't be interacting with him.

OP posts:
ManateeFair · 07/07/2022 21:40

Why on earth would you ever want to see this hideous man again?

Your friend sounds like a twat as well.

velvetvixen · 07/07/2022 22:20

Are you in your 50s too OP? Your friend may be one of those people who think that 50+ aged people should just brush off hurt feelings, that it doesn't feel as bad at older ages. Nonsense of course, but some think like that.

Original poster
Scotcousin · 07/07/2022 22:31

No, I'm late 40s.

OP posts:
velvetvixen · 07/07/2022 22:38

Then she's just a twat! ignore.

Fizzorgin · 08/07/2022 00:45

LadyOfTheCanyon · 07/07/2022 19:14

He sounds like a raging Thundercunt to be honest. Don't give him a second's thought.

Omg this is what I was going to say, you are my people!! SadWink

Fizzorgin · 08/07/2022 00:47

Sake, ffs MN give us an 'edit post' option! I need to get rid of that bloody purple faced emoji

Changechangychange · 08/07/2022 00:52

Late 50s?? I thought you were going to say he was in his late 20s or something.

I can see why 5 years is his longest relationship. He sounds like an absolute knob.

Changechangychange · 08/07/2022 00:55

I also assumed the friendship group was maybe all of your “couple” uni friends, or some other group that really meant a lot to you and you didn’t want to lose.

If they are just his middle aged hobby mates (cycling?), who gives a shit? Hang out with your actual friends.

rnsaslkih · 08/07/2022 00:57

You are right not to interact with this piece of shit, even if it does cost you a bit socially. Your friend probably means well, but just doesn’t get it.

rnsaslkih · 08/07/2022 00:59

“He did say I could contact him any time”

what an arrogant prick! Firstly you don’t need permission to contact anyone (unless there is harassment or similar) and secondly why would you want to contact someone who was so hurtful?

what did he expect you to say? Thank you so much, oh special one?

StClare101 · 08/07/2022 01:35

If they were really your friends they’d invite him to some things and you to others. That’s how we managed a truly spectacular break up in our social circle a few years ago. Now that time has passed they both occasionally attend and are civil to each other (but make sure to sit at other ends of the table etc.)

noirchatsdeux · 08/07/2022 01:35

I was going to say - until I saw your ages - that I'm from the generation that started dating well before the internet, social media etc and the only way we had of communicating was the phone and the letter. That is a time I miss sometimes, especially when it comes down to the 'modern' idea that just because you once slept with someone that means you have to be friends for life, even after you've broken up. In 'the good old days' once you split with someone you could quite feasibly never lay eyes or hear from them ever again, especially if you didn't share a social circle with them.

For your friend my response would be "why the fuck would I want to after he said such horrible things to me?" and to your arrogant prick of an ex the far simpler "fuck off".

It's not being 'stubborn' it's common bloody sense.

Original poster
Scotcousin · 08/07/2022 08:56

@ImpartialMongoose

So he wasn't in love with you? My answer to that would have been "Who, out of the two of us is the biggest loser, the one who spent 5 years with someone they never loved, or the one who didn't?!"

This is really what I couldn't get my head around and he only said what he said when I asked him how he really felt about me because I was feeling more like just a convenience for him, not a priority, so I was shocked and felt like he hadn't been honest with me about how he really felt.

Anyway, thanks for the good advice and will continue to move forward without him in my life.

OP posts:
MRex · 08/07/2022 09:08

I don't think I'd want to see much of a friend who couldn't work out why it was hurtful for him to trash your relationship and you personally. As though breaking up wasn't enough. There's a good reason why people say "it isn't you, it's me". Though in this case, his baffling nastiness make it clear the problem really is him.

Yeah, just avoid, make new friends. Any who matter will involve you without him. Literally billions of people on this world, no need to waste time on people who don't care for you.

x2boys · 08/07/2022 09:11

He's an ex there is no reason yo speak to him again ever.

SausageAndCash · 08/07/2022 09:17

There is no right or wrong.

In your shoes, I wouldn’t cut myself out of social circles or activities I enjoy, but I wouldn’t be being friends with him.

It might be being stubborn to decide how you will feel in 3 years and cut yourself out of activities, it might be just how you feel, your current sensitivities.

Just do what is right for you at any given point in time. No need for your friend or you to be proving points.

Rainbowbaby13 · 08/07/2022 09:22

I'm not friends with my ex and there's no way in hell I would be I wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire 😂😂

There's no kids involved so why would you? I would question why your friend wants you to "come round" if he's a massive twat

ConfusedHurt · 08/07/2022 13:04

Why interact with him when you don't have to? Let him live with the consequences of what he said.

CactusBlossom · 09/07/2022 02:21

He used to make you feel inferior? You are well rid of him! Block him on all social media. Sounds like a narcissist to me.The prescription for dealing with a narcissist is no contact. Enjoy your life without him.

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