Puppy Blues

[Doghelplease]

Before I post anything I just want to ask please don’t judge and to be kind - I know MN can be sometimes, have antagonists left right and centre and basically suggests people rehome their pets at the drop of a hat - I’m hoping this thread will be different!

I got a dog a few weeks ago, but it seems like I’m having something called the puppy blues. I done so much research, used to care for other people’s animals, have grown up around different animals all my life (from horses, to snakes and everything in between) but this has been like a bomb to my life - the shock of actually having my own.

Obviously very energetic especially because haven’t been able to go on walks due to vaccinations, literally goes out to get to wee every 30 mins - 1 hour but chooses to wait until he gets right back inside the house 5 seconds later to go, is quite destructive with the children clothes and toys despite following advice from a behaviourist - it is literally draining my life and I can’t sit down for 5 minutes to even enjoy a hot cup of tea at the moment.

Does this get better as they get older? I’ve also got my kids at home too at the moment which isn’t helping as they are also very draining sometimes and can’t get a moments peace!

I guess I’m just looking for some hope that things will settle down? I feel like then independence I had from the kids being a bit older now has been completely taken away again, will I ever get it back?!

Puppy blues are Absolutely a thing. I had them and it does get better I promise. You have to have the preservance and it so worth it when you have a well rounded adult dog. Hang in there! X

@Giraffe317 honestly it’s such a relief to have that bit of hope - it’s got to the point where I’m just in tears debating whether we are the right family for him or not - it’s such a horrible place mentally to be in at the moment! X

How old are the dc? Old enough to delegate slots to help with toilet training?

I had huge puppy blues when I got my pup back in January - felt so so low yet he was a much wanted and planned for dog. He was so full on, hated being left (still doesn’t to be honest!!) and it was overwhelming.

But honestly it gets better and easier fairly quickly. I absolutely adore him now and love our life with him. Hang in there, it will be so worth it in the end x

I think it’s a lot more common than you think. I vividly remember walking down the road with tears streaming down my face while on one of her morning walks because every time I tried to treat her she nipped my fingers. 4 years on and I can’t imagine life without her she’s the best.
You’ll come through the other end!

Puppies - well some anyway - can be super hard work. Lots of people say it's due to not being sufficiently prepared, but I'm not sure that's true. Some puppies are much easier than others, and there's a matter of rose tinted recollections from dog owners.

We have had two puppies in a relatively short period (due to our first dog getting hit by a car while in the care of someone else), and they two couldn't have been more different.To be honest, our first puppy was a nightmare. An absolutely nightmare. He didn't get house training, he acted dominant to the kids(despite puppy training and professional advice early on), he bit, he stole food, he ate EVERYTHING, he was super gross (think eating poo etc), he woke in the night for weeks on end barking and scratching, he was an escape artist etc etc. He was just so badly behaved, despite loads of effort going into training him. He did get better with time and consistency, but it probably took a year, and many many times I regretted becoming a dog owner as it was so difficult and all consuming. Our current dog was just such a breeze in comparison. Mild natured, compliant, submissive, easy to house train, slept through quickly. She's still young and has typical puppy/ teenage behaviour, but is a completely different kettle of fish.

My point is dog are different. But they DO get better with age (and training and consistency). No matter how difficult our first dog was that first year, he became such a key member of our family and when he died we were all absolutely heartbroken. I - despite definitely hating the puppy stage the most, and having lots of regrets that first year - was just devastated for months.

This is so, so common. I remember myself and DH sitting on the back doorstep, both in tears, about a week after we'd adopted ours at 14 weeks old, saying she'd have to go back. She was with us 13 years and we loved the very bones of her, even though she was always an awkward baggage! We have adopted adult rescue dogs ever since, though! Bear with it - it will get so much better, I promise.

You will be likely absolutely fine, and puppy blues are a VERY real thing. They are disruptive and destructive by nature, but it will get better. I have experienced this previously, and it can take several months to build a really good bond - I have previously dreaded going home and wondered how on earth my mental health will cope with a decade of this, but in all honesty it does get better.

But if it doesn't there are options, and no-one should be shamed for putting their own mental health over their pet, as long as those options are kind and well considered.

You might like to move your thread to The Doghouse topic for more advice/commiseration. There is usually a long-running "puppy" thread on that as well for people with puppies.

tldr: it will get better, especially if you can put the time in

Oh OP I completely understand where you're coming from. Our spaniel puppy is nearly 2 now (so not a puppy for very much longer) and for the first year (and more) me & my husband operated an unofficial rotation system based on who wanted to get rid of him that week. Luckily it was rare that we both felt the same way at the same time.

But god it was so very very hard. He was one of 7 pups and none of the other owners seemed to have anywhere near the same experience as we did. I remember feeling utterly overwhelmed by it all, in particular all the advice that 'they're like a sponge at this age...every interaction is a learning opportunity' etc etc. Just. Not. Helpful.

And the 'puppies sleep for up to 20 hours a day' stuff. Ha ha bloody ha. Not ours. I recently found a diary we kept to monitor his routine (me trying to maintain some control but really just evidence of my insanity at that point)

We'd meet other puppy owners on walks and, as you do, ask them how it was going. I remember genuinely feeling I hated the ones who said breezily 'oh yes, it's wonderful, he/she's just amazing, so much fun'. Very occasionally we'd meet a kindred spirit and you could tell either by the slow inhalation of breath before they spoke, or the crazed look in their eyes, that they understood...

One thing that really helped us was discovering a facebook group run by dog behaviourists (force free, positive, reward based training) who provide so so much info about every aspect of puppy/dog rearing. They're pretty hardline (in terms of the force free approach but, really, how is that a bad thing?), but I'd really encourage a look if you're struggling.

Its called Dog Training Advice & Support (be careful though, there's another - bad - group with the same name. The one you want has over 300,000 members)
DTAS

I should stop now shouldn't I? Sorry. But not before I say that now, having put in so so much work/training/time into our little boy, we've definitely come out the other side and have a wonderful dog who's an absolute joy to have in our lives, so responsive and keen to learn. Also, some of the people who had 'easy' puppies, and who didn't need to put the work in early, now have challenges with their grown up dogs (recall/loose lead/prey drive etc) that they're struggling to manage.

It didn't feel like it for a very long time but it's been worth all that stress to get to this point. (still not sure we'd do it again mind...)

Hang in there.

@Doghelplease did this get any better,? I too suffering with puppy blues and feel its not getting easier even after 5/6 weeks. i feel totally exhausted and drained and feel i cant cope with the added responsibilty...i just want to sit n watch tv in peace without having to pause it for potty breaks or ball throwing.x

@Autumn101 does it get better ive been struggling for 6 weeks, dont kno if i can cope any more.

I’ve got my seven year old dog lying next to me right now, she’s calm, intelligent, loving and pretty much the perfect dog. When she was a puppy she was a bit of a pain, they always are.

Also have a nine month old who’s way better than she was just a few months ago. It was hard work and you have that feeling of total regret but can see she’s shaping up to be great too.

Hang in there, all to soon things will change.

@bozzabollix im really hoping it does get better, feeling overwhelmed and finding it hard.

@emzypo79

It will get better I promise!! My dog is 6 years old now but I remember the puppy blues like it was yesterday! She was a bloody diva! Still is actually 😂 but honestly with training and consistency and lots of bonding, you will get there. The first 12 months are really hard work, but hard work pays off!

@MissyB1 my pup is 15weeks old and i wont lie ive had good n bad days, more bad days tbh, ive said to my husband on numerous occasions to send her back coz i dont want her or cant cope...i miss my old life of relaxation n watching tv in peace n quiet but now im feeling overwhelmed of this added responsibility, having to be home from shopping with x amount of hours, im freezing from potty training and i feel like its only me doing the training and walking yet im the biting target....i am so down at the minute i just cant see the light.

I also had puppy blues, I remember thinking I couldn’t believe I had paid for the privilege of having my house and life wrecked! He hated it if we left the house too so I thought I was going to end up trapped in the house.
He is almost 2 now and I can’t imagine life without him. He is fine being left at home now, and is so loving and loyal. He still sometimes chews things he shouldn’t, but on the whole he is great. So in my experience, yes it will get easier.

There is usually a puppy thread on the go in The Doghouse section where there will be plenty of people in a similar boat - if there is not a current one start one .

OP, about a month into having my dog, if someone had said I could hand him back with no shame or judgement, I’d have done so. He’s a Labrador and he made me cry every day. He was very nippy, never one for destroying toys or furniture but my pyjamas were ripped to shreds and I had so many cuts on my hands and arms from his teeth that a work colleague took me aside to ask me if I had been self harming!

The hell lasted for about three months I think, though it felt like a lifetime. He’s 2 now, and it honestly amazing. He’s not the most well behaved dog ever, pulls a bit on the lead and if he sees a squirrel it’s game over. But he’s my son’s best friend and he gives the best cuddles. We love him.

What I’m trying to say is I understand it is horrible, especially if like us you’d wanted a dog for a long time. But it gets better. And it’s worth it.

I can remember feeling like this, and yes, it does get better as time goes on, keep strong, keep up with training and you will soon be enjoying your dog and not be ran ragged as you currently are. One tip, with all the nipping and biting, I found that if I yelped or cried as if in agony this would resonate with the puppy and it stopped immediately. Depends on the dog I suppose, but most would realise they have over stepped a boundary with biting too hard,

Youre in the pit of the puppy phase where they're like T Rexes on speed with zero toilet training. It doesnt last!
It's hard work getting them beyond it, but it does happen and once it does, it'll be far easier sailing and you'll have a buddy for life. Honestly.
Their bladders are tiny as puppies, but they do get bigger as they mature but you have to keep on at the training and not lose hope.
May the force be with you.

My dog is 12 now, but I remember her puppy years. I felt like I could not do a thing without going to check on her. I lost a lot of phone chargers and shoes due to her chewing. And then there was the 11pm zoomies and whining.
It does get easier, I promise.

Its called Dog Training Advice & Support (be careful though, there's another - bad - group with the same name. The one you want has over 300,000 members)
DTAS - such a good group.

Also a great book called the Happy puppy book.* *

I'd have given ours back at any point in the first 6 weeks or so...probably longer really. She's now 3 and, while spoilt, is a little love and can't imagine life without her. And she spends most of her time asleep.

Puppies are little shits. Especially when tired - and they need way more sleep than they think they do.

Things that help,

once they can go out properly that tires them out,
doing brain games like snuffle mats or hiding treats in paper or toilet roll inners or in a box
frozen carrots
frozen stock in a yoghurt tub
licky mats
training - brief little bits of sit and stay.
playing tug games
anything new blows their little minds - so new people, places - carry them to a cafe.
Let them off lead on the first outing with high value treats - that starts recall training as they stick with you.

Play hide and seek with them.

Ignore the good - praise the bad.

If they are being bitey little shits they probably need a nap/and or take yourself out of the room - just for a second or two. It resets them.

@BarrelOfOtters is that meant to say praise the good ignore the bad or is it the other way round.x

I got my dog at the end of mat leave-baby was 9m old. Was horrendous. I felt so miserable and trapped, and guilty too for everyone, including the dog.

Dog is nice now. Good family pet and no bother at all to anyone but the amazon guy. Glad we have him, wouldn’t time it like that again!