Should I swap my kids' bedrooms?

[oreo2020]

In a 3 bed house with 2 boys aged 14 and 11.

They shared a double bedroom until our aupair moved out of single bedroom. Then the my older moved into the single room and the younger stayed in the double room as this had toys and all the childish stuff.

Now the 14yo is asking to swap the rooms.

Pros and cons:
The 14yo is very tidy and organised and so fits into smaller space better.
The 11yo is incredibly messy (constantly nagging him).
Sometimes I feel like rewarding the 14yo for being tidy with a bigger room.
On the other hand, 14yo is likely to leave home for university sooner.
The 11yo is happier to share (for example, I keep some of common stuff in his room, and he doesn't mind an occasional relative sleepover).
The 11yo doesn't mind swapping but I don't think he grasped the concept of having a bigger space yet (I think he would realise once swapped and will regret).

What should I do?

How long have they been in separate rooms? Could they each have e.g. a 2 year tenure in the bigger room and then swap again?

If the 11yo is happy to swap, then I’d swap them.

Is there something you can do in the smaller room to make more space? E.g a bunk bed but with the bottom bed removed and a desk/drawers/storage space under there? More shelving?

Are you a single parent or do you have a husband/partner?

I was just thinking that if you're single maybe you could move into the single room and let each son have a double. This would be assuming that you only use your room to sleep in and have space elsewhere in the house for a desk and other stuff.

If you can't or don't want to do that, I'm not sure what to suggest really other than maybe ask each son (separately) what he prefers and whether he has a suggestion to make it fair?

Assuming that both boys will move out to university around the age of 18, perhaps you could let your oldest have the double until he turns 15, allowing him 3 years in the bigger room, then swap the rooms back again so that your youngest has the bigger room for 3 years before he goes away for uni.

Of course if one or both choose not to go to uni and wants to continue living at home that won't really work!

I’d let the older child have a turn with the bigger room.

Give the older one the larger room.

you could let your oldest have the double until when he turns 15

(doh!)

If the 11 year old is messy a smaller room will be better for him. Less space to spread the mess around.

I am a single parent but my room is decorated in pink :) and selfishly I am not letting it go (plus sometimes I need to work from there).
Never thought of each of the kids "having a go" in the bigger room each. Perhaps that is our solution.

🤣

Perhaps the summer holidays would be a good time to change the rooms over, especially if the boys will want to decorate, arrange furniture etc.

Does the older one study in his room or elsewhere? If he studies in his room I would give him a room with space for a desk.

If it were me I would paint it blue, move into the small room (paint it pink) and be done.

Meanwhile tell older son that you may occasionally need to use his room to work.

But maybe I'm wrong- it's just what I would do for my kiddos.

Once I had 3 dc I always had the smallest room! Once even a sofa bed in the dining room.. Now have a huge room and no fucker is ever getting it!! Even begrudge sharing with dh!

Fuck. That.

If I was a single parent, who is paying for the house, I'd have first dibs on the room I wanted!

I'd find a way to make the single room more attractive (cabin bed / shared storage on larger room) and discuss as a family who goes where. If both wanted the same room then they'd take turns for a couple of years at a time

The oldest son should get the bigger room. Swap.

Thank you. Their bedrooms have a bed, a desk, a wardrobe and a chest of draws each. Only that the small room is left with little space. The small room has a beautiful view to the woods which the bigger room lacks.
My bedroom is my sanity space and my boys have almost sole use of the living room (PS5 in there).

"My bedroom is my sanity space and my boys have almost sole use of the living room (PS5 in there)."

in that case it's out of the question for you to give up your bedroom.

I would swap the boys' rooms but give them a decent amount of warning, decide when it's going to happen (best option in terms of fairness and practicalities) and let them get used to the idea.

How long has the younger DS had the room by himself?
I’d probably do younger have 1 year, then older has 3 years (to 18), then younger has 3 years (to 18) and then downsize and don’t tell them where you live!

Don’t give up your own room, that’s ridiculous! and as if a teenage boy wants his mum “sometimes using his room for work”!! 😂

op, 3 years in the big room each sounds fair to me. Eldest goes first, from September

Do not give up your room!

Only on Mumsnet!

Yes OP you as a grown woman who pays the bills should sleep in a child's bed in a single room.

@AnotherEmma - do you do this?

@altiara hahaha to downsize and don't tell them where I live.
So 14yo is starting Y10 and 11yo is starting Y7 in September. 14yo has been in the single room since Y7 so 3 years.
It would seem fair to move 14yo to the big bedroom for 4 years and then swap back when he goes to uni (hopefully).

@CatchingSocks
At no point did I say that OP should sleep in a child's bed! It was just a suggestion, with caveats - don't overreact. I doubt you've read the follow-up posts.

And no, I don't sleep in a single room because I'm not single, it would seem a bit ridiculous for my husband and I to sleep in the box room (which would only just fit a single bed let alone a small double) while our 1 year old sleeps in a cot in our double bedroom

Yes, give that your youngest has already has the bigger room for 3 years, I think you should definitely swap them this summer, and let the oldest have the bigger room for 4 years. Your youngest will still have it for longer overall.

@AnotherEmma

Of course you're not a single parent, if you were you'd understand how insulting your suggestion was. Single parents are still allowed grown up rooms, they are pay ALL the bills.

Actually I only thought of it because I've read it on mumsnet before, single parents who said they have the smaller bedroom while their kids have bigger ones... it wouldn't have occurred to me otherwise, as I would just assume that the parent gets the master bedroom.

It certainly wasn't meant to be insulting, hopefully the OP wasn't insulted, if you're insulted that's your problem 🤷🏻‍♀️