Sports day

[alicedj22]

It was my ds sports day today. I've noticed a lot more negativity around it this year. Lots of upset kids who aren't sporty and parents moaning about it and saying it shouldn't be a thing anymore. But my ds is sporty and does enjoy it. He won some races today and was really proud of himself. He isn't the most academic so this is really where he shines and feels like he's achieved something. I can't imagine the academic kids and their parents being too happy if we dismissed their achievements because not everyone is as clever so it shouldn't count. Aibu?

No but some kids have to sit in assemblies week in week out while the same kids get mentions for being top of the class in various academic subjects and never get acknowledged themselves.

Why is losing a race public humiliation? Jeez.

Torn on this. I agree that sporty children deserve their moment in the sun- but if you had a day where all the children were made to read aloud in front of the whole school and parents, then graded, then the best 3 given medals, I’m sure that there would be uproar. Sports day can be really humiliating for the non sporty children- it certainly was for me.

For me, it was public humiliation because the sporty kids would shout at the nerdy kids like me who inevitably lost races/matches and therefore lost us overall points towards the trophy. At my school, the sporty kids were the popular kids and the academic kids were the bottom of the food chain.

Also as PP said her 6 year old noticed above, all the academic awards went to kids who had improved or tried their best, never to the ones like me who found it easy. This might not be a bad thing but Sports Day was the complete opposite.

YABU. Sports day is a waste and it’s pointless.

There is a point to celebrating academia.

I think sports day should be inclusive for everyone, fun and non competitive.
Surely the sporty kids get chosen to represent the school in competitions?
Some kids are not academically gifted or sporty so don't get to shine at anything. There is no fun or lesson to be learned in coming last in every event it just makes kids not want to take part and puts them off sport.

Primary sports day should be fun and silly races like sack race, egg and spoon, three-legged with a few ‘proper’ sprints at the end for the sporty kids. I was non-sporty but loved sports day. Secondary should definitely be optional.

If there were a lot of children upset at this sports day, then there must be something about the way it was run that didn’t work. It would be normal to have one or two children upset, but not lots. It seems to me that if lots of children were upset, then parents must have had something genuine to complain about, even if they would usually support sports day.

Shall we all stop taking part in and watching sport then? Seeing as it's so pointless.

@TheMullerLightOwl that's awful, of course I can see why it would be upsetting and embarrassing in those circumstances. I never liked sports day either as a child.

But I suppose I just feel a bit sorry for ds who was really proud of himself only for people to complain and basically insinuate it doesn't matter who wins or loses. He sits there hoping to get star or the week or math cup or writing champion every week and very rarely gets it. He coasts in the middle - neither top or the class or bottom - and it's him and his peers who tend to go unnoticed. So when he is actually top at something it would be nice for it to be recognised without all the passive negativity.

And for the pp who said sports aren't worth celebrating...I take it you haven't heard of the World Cup or Olympics? Sporty kids can achieve great things too.,

My son's secondary school sports day is entirely competitive. It's a large school of nearly 1000 pupils, and only those in the school teams and individual sports high performance groups actually take part in events. The rest of the school simply watch on the field. The swimming gala is the same. The kids don't mind because it's a day off timetable for 90% of them.

I don't know why sports day isn't run like a school play. In the sense that, there's cast and crew in a play, why can't kids sign up to either be participants or helpers, they can cheer them on, use the stop watches, set up the equipment etc. that way everyone is involved but the unsporty kids aren't going to feel embarrassed by it.

Has she experienced what it's like to be the slowest reader, and have the humiliation of knowing how far behind you are, in front of your friends (just as bad, if not worse than in front of their parents) every school day?

Thought not.

Does she realise that the attitude of the good readers towards the weaker ones isn't scorn? It's generally supportive.

Teach her that that applies in all areas

And what about the children who aren't academic nor sporty so are constantly having it shoved in their faces from all sides?

This is so beautiful! What a lovely boy your son is.

My Ds in year 4 ran 3 races, all chosen by the teacher, and came last in all. He was a good few meters behind as well, not even a close finish. In the last race he tripped and all the children and adults laughed. It was maybe a bit comical the way he did it and a more confident child could have styled it out, but ds was mortified that even the adults were laughing at him.

By the third race, when Ds got up for his turn, his classmates were already saying that X was racing so they definitely weren't going to get team points for winning that race with lots of groans. Ds said he felt terrible for letting his team down.

That's how sports day can be humiliating for a child. And it's not even just one day. Every time he's had pe since sports day, Ds has come home in a terrible mood as he thinks he's the worst and slowest in class and everyone is laughing at him.

Nobody is expected to perform academic tests with an audience of their peers and parents. Primary schools usually work fairly hard to be inclusive these days but secondary is all about the cost petition and winning. And yes it’s humiliating and enough to put people off sport. It all depends on the school really but some don’t do a good job of inclusion.

I get what you’re saying because my kids are the same.

However, I do empathise with the kids / parents that don’t enjoy it.

If I think of the school forcing my son on stage in front of everyone to take part in a spelling bee for example I know he’d feel really bad about himself in that situation and humiliated and like he wasn’t good enough.

I don’t like to think of anyone feeling like that and some do on sports day I think.

There must be a better way of doing it so everyone is happy!

most Schools have extra sport coaching, teams, competitions even at primary level. There used to be a programme for those gifted at sport at county level. Isn’t that how schools are encouraging those children? There’s prizes for non academic subjects such as sport, art etc. Isnt that how the children are recognised without everyone having to win at sports

It's not necessarily losing, it's how it's organised and the culture behind it that matters.

My children's school does it well. Tradititional events, but in a rapid succession of smaller groups so no one is The Class Loser. Effort is praised even if you're the last one out there, in fact they normally get their perseverence recognised.

That's a far cry from my experiences of being ritually last being by far the smallest in the year and probably dyspraxic. I was that awful at sport that no one believed year after year that I was that awful and all effort was dismissed. No one checked that The New Girl couldn't skip before putting her in front of over 200 people and leaving her at the start line going nowhere and flailing with the rope. When the other 30 girls had finished leaving me 3 steps from the start, I threw the rope down and marched to the finish. My reward? To be sent back collect the fucking rope to complete the public humiliation. No condolence, no saving the final scrap of pride by sending someone else to get it.

Being The Class Loser race after race, year after year is damaging. Amazingly in adulthood I did get into running, coached by a phone app where teachers failed. I'm heavily into parkrun where every participant is valued be it sub 15mins or an hour plus. I've brought my children up with parkrun and my autistic, dyspraxic child is confident that it's participating and doing it for yourself that matters; you can compare your own times if you wish, you can take it easy and it all varies with the weather and who's there that day. He actually comes in fairly respectable positions. But my sports day experiences were akin to standing him up in front of the school and parents and forcing him to rewrite his name with the letters the correct way round (he's y6)

Many people are permanently turned off sport by poorly managed PE/ sports days. Competitive sport has its place but it needs handling with sensitivity and recognising the efforts of those who struggle too, and sometimes finding alternative roles to participate where necessary.

I can lose the mum's race with dignity because I put myself there. As a 7 year old I was forced into a position of failure. Massive difference.

Believe me I have tried to teach her that people have different skills and talents and everyone's differences make up society and that she can't be good at everything. She knows what it's like to struggle as she has suspected ASD and social skills problems (and is very aware she's 'different'). My response to her sobbing was that we all have to do things we aren't good at and it doesn't matter as long as you try your best. Clearly she still feels overlooked and doesn't want to be humiliated in front of all the parents. As I said we need to make every child feel celebrated for their individual talents.

@alicedj22 Losing a race isn't humiliating, but losing every race, year after year, is.

When a generally cheerful sensible 10 year old boy threatens to jump in front of a lorry to kill himself rather than take part in sports day ever again, something has gone badly wrong.

Forcing a distressed child into such a situation is not helpful and it isn't educational.

Thankfully that child is now at a decent school with a competent PE team, and such issues don't arise.

Jeez!

You know what? This gets me really angry. My daughter, who struggles daily with school due to ADHD and is often left behind by her peers in the classroom has one day per year to shine at school - one.fucking.day.

When awards are being doled out for academic achievement, which they often are, her name is nowhere in sight. But god forbid she gets a certificate at the end of the school year with her name on because she won the 100m sprint.

Bollocks to this whole "let's just do some fun games so everyone feels included". It's sports day - not games day, and sports are competitive.

I don't think sports day is pointless, but you could have a range of sports so more children feel involved.

I totally agree OP, I have a sporty DD, usually wins every race but is never going to be top of any academic awards. I was absolutely furious the year before lockdown at the way sports day was being run, no one was watching who won and were just handing places out willy nilly, my dd won first place by a country mile yet the child who came in 6th and last place was given 1st place and my DD given 3rd.

my other dd also won her race, a big achievement as she’s not sporty at all, but was not given a place.

I pulled one of the teachers up, I wasnt the only one, a mum who’s son won first place actually played the video she took of the race to a teacher showing her son strolling along, he certainly didn’t come in first. The teachers were, it’s ok we have spare medals, it wasn’t about the fucking medal it was about the actual winners being celebrated, just like the children who regularly win academic and music awards get celebrated at the school. It made a complete mockery of it especially as those who placed won house points and the winning house got rewards at the end of the day.

The way I see it is you wouldn’t say to someone who won gold at the Olympics o sorry we have decided everyone’s a winner this year, or sorry we wernt looking let the other team have the win, we know it was really you though…Or saying to some one who got a 9 on their gcse that they are only being awarded a 3 because there was a mix up and the kid who never bothered revising is getting their grade instead, but it’s fine we know your really the winner here.

This year was a whole different story, new school and sports day was ermmm well not a sports day it was kids all doing different activities taking turns throwing balls in hoops and hoopla hoops over cones, no races or challenges not even score keeping 🤷🏼‍♀️

The kids who aren't good at other subjects aren't publicly humiliated in front of all of their peers and all parents because they're a slow reader, not great at art, not a musician et cetera.

Why are we still hauling out all the kids regardless of ability and even disability in front of all those people to humiliate them?

I'm lucky this although my youngest isn't very good at it, he genuinely doesn't care and just enjoys doing anyway. My middle child was really good at it, but my eldest – who is way past sports days now – is genuinely still traumatised by the experience.