AIBU to ask...patent shoes or not?!

[SpeckofDustUponMySoul]

Hi, MNers.
Not AIBU as such, but need help re: school shoes.
I'm ND (ASD & ADHD) and have 2 DCs (yes, twins; I know how sceptical MN is of twins being mentioned!) starting Reception in September.
Due to my DCs' own issues (they are both on a waiting list for assessment, I have been talking with them about the transition from Preschool to Reception well in advance.
Today, we 'looked' at shoes (not buying 'til August). One wants patent; one wants normal leather (same design).
The DC are going to a state primary that is very MC in comparison with how we live. And I just want to ask...
Are patent shoes considered lower class, as my Mother pretty much beat into my sibling and I what was okay and what was not.
And, having been bullied throughout my school years, I'm trying to mitigate against my DC experiencing similar.
So, whilst I realise this may sound really shallow, I just want to help my DC as much as poss, when one especially already faces being 'different', due to marked emotional and behavioural difficulties.
I'm not going to say please be kind/gentle, as would prefer responses to be real.
💚

Go with patent - they look smarter for longer. Talking as a mum and a reception teacher.

I love patent, no idea it was a class thing

Sounds absolutely fine for one to have the shoes in patent, the other in matte leather. FWIW I had no idea that patent shoes were a lower class thing - I was always pleased when my DD's chose them as they are so much easier to clean.

My DD had patent shoes for reception and they were great, no problems at all re other children (I don't think 5 year olds care too much about other kids shoes though) and I always thought DD looked smart

Hi I would let them go with the two different pairs of shoes. I would be aware though that sometimes patent shoes can get scuffed on the toes and that would annoy my daughters as it was no longer "right"

There’s a real mix at our school and I’ve never considered patent to have any class association. I don’t buy patent because my DD scuffs her shoes terribly at the front and peels the patent off.

I've no idea about the class thing, but I second the scuffing issue, DD used to take the patent off the toes and no amount of polishing can rectify that.

Are patent shoes considered lower class

I have never heard of this. I would just get each child the shoe they want.

I let my daughter choose as I remember always wanting patent shoes and my mum saying absolutely no way 😢

I didn’t realise till this year though that every pair of black shoes I have ever owned as an adult have been patent. Including dr martens. Maybe I’m rebelling in a really subtle way! 😂

Also my work M&S patent high heels have lasted me 10 years so I wouldn’t say they scuff more easily. Leather also scuffs and cracks after time.

I honestly don't think/know that/whether patent shoes are a class thing.
They really probably aren't, but my DM was pretty volatile, quite strange with some of her snobby ways, suggesting normal things were common or 'tarty' (her words).
Just trying to separate learned scripts with common sense and real life!

I think from personal experience normal leather wears better. All of mine had and have plain leather.
They're cleaned and polished every Sunday evening and have hardly aged and look good as new come Monday morning.

You get special patent polish for patent shoes.

I've had both. (Well, DDs have, Yr4&6 now). Both lasted as well as each other until outgrown. Usually in 2 terms, sometimes a year, once 6 weeks. The only exception being the sandals one of their schools insisted on for summer, they went through the soles.

It's not a class thing anymore even if it used to be. In my experience patent is much more hard wearing and less likely to end up scuffed.

If you want the more 'middle class' option then buy from an independent shoe shop but honestly nobody will notice. For pe lots of younger kids (especially girls) wear skechers if that's any help.

Yep, my mum always said patent shoes were common. Something to do with people being able to see your knickers in the reflection from the shiny surface.
I've tried to ignore this as an adult but it's pretty ingrained in my thought process.

I've never known patent shoes to be a class thing and my DD has always had patent as they don't scuff as easily. Your DD will definitely not be picked on for this.

No idea about the class issue, but my kids' school uniform rules specifically say patent shoes not allowed. Just thought I'd mention it in case you haven't checked the school uniform requirements in detail.

We weren’t allowed patent shoes at school, as apparently they reflected our knickers. 🤷.

No class associations.

I have always allowed DD whichever shoes she wanted for school. She’s about to leave primary school and has had patent DMs and Kickers during her time there.

My Mum was kind of awful and instilled in us lots of really strange idea, including this patent = wrong idea.
Strangely enough, she acquiesced and 'let' me have patent shoes when I was 9 (1989) and got picked on for having shiny shoes. 😅
Thanks for all your responses (school allows patent shoes, btw).
💚

@fruitpastille buying independently to support local business.
It's much cheaper to buy online, I think, but been saving for school uniform and shoes/trainers for months. 💚
My girls really like Skechers. ☺️

I use black nail varnish to top up any scuffs, works like a charm.

Let your kids have the shoes you want. Your DM was ridiculous. So are you if you perpetuate her view.

Your mum used to control you with those words.

Dont let her control your children too through you. Best mums are supportive of their childs choices wherever possible. I love the confidence kids have at that age to just do them. Xx

Your mum was ridiculous. Never ever heard of patent being lower class. You can buy patent polish as a pp said.

I think there was an association with patent shoes being lower class in the past I'm a child of the 80s who wasn't allowed them either.

But my dc regularly had patent shoes and I don't think anyone though anything of it.