AIBU to ask...patent shoes or not?!

[SpeckofDustUponMySoul]

Hi, MNers.
Not AIBU as such, but need help re: school shoes.
I'm ND (ASD & ADHD) and have 2 DCs (yes, twins; I know how sceptical MN is of twins being mentioned!) starting Reception in September.
Due to my DCs' own issues (they are both on a waiting list for assessment, I have been talking with them about the transition from Preschool to Reception well in advance.
Today, we 'looked' at shoes (not buying 'til August). One wants patent; one wants normal leather (same design).
The DC are going to a state primary that is very MC in comparison with how we live. And I just want to ask...
Are patent shoes considered lower class, as my Mother pretty much beat into my sibling and I what was okay and what was not.
And, having been bullied throughout my school years, I'm trying to mitigate against my DC experiencing similar.
So, whilst I realise this may sound really shallow, I just want to help my DC as much as poss, when one especially already faces being 'different', due to marked emotional and behavioural difficulties.
I'm not going to say please be kind/gentle, as would prefer responses to be real.
💚

My dd scuffed her patent shoes and then proceeded to pick it all off - 1 day she wore them!!

The class issue thing sounds like madness, I'm sure that won't be an issue at all. Shoes are shoes and if they align with the uniform rules it'll be fine. The teachers may appreciate the difference in shoes as an easy way to tell which twin is which, if they're identical and have similar haircuts!

I would say though - as a fellow autistic with ADHD traits and as the mother of an autistic tween DD, that patent shoes may not work with any sensory issues your girls may have. DD loved the look of them but absolutely could not tolerate the inflexibility of the leather. I don't think I could either, to be honest, and I'm in my 40s. So just watch out for that and be absolutely sure that the DD who wants patent is happy with the feel of them on her feet, and understands that they won't soften up over time in the same way that her sister's shoes will.

DD is in reception at a private school and has patent. She's definitely not the only one, and there's been no issues with the other children.

lots of kids have patent. I think they look nice until they fall in the playground and scuff them and then sit and pick the patent off…

I went to private school and we all had patent

If you buy decent patent they last for ages and look much smarter!!

Never ever heard of patent being a class thing!!! I would take the approach that if you allow them to choose the shoes they like, they will be more likely to put them on nicely in the morning when you are trying to get out the door 😂

Patent does scuff more so get the paint on stuff like black nail varnish to cover up the scuffs. Normal leather wears better especially if you polish regularly. Also bear in mind you will be buying the next pair of shoes in a few minutes months and they will probably choose something completely different!

I wasn't allowed patent as a child because it scuffs and we were poor so needed things that lasted.

I bought DD patent once and my Mum was right they scuffed really quickly and looked tatty.

I had patent dr martens for many years before the sole finally gave up. I love a patent finish, I’ve never heard of this low class thing. Patent t-bar shoes on wee girls do remind me of people going to church though lol.

I worked as a childrens shoe fitter many years ago in a well known SW London store where many grand families came for their childrens shoes.

The posh families allowed their children patent "party shoes" but they weren't allowed for every day use. I also remember this from my own 1960's childhood except I wasn't allowed any patent party shoes ever. Wearing patent shoes every day was considered "Common". A term my mother was absolutely determined was never going to be levelled against her.
I'd say let your DD choose what they like, and to hell with what your mother thinks, I'm still unpicking all the rubbish mine fed me over the years.

I do think patent shoes are harder wearing myself, so just go with it.
Try and get them fitted and bought before the end of August to avoid the worst of the rush.

I'm another who's never heard this (but I'm working class so what would I know!).

That aside, reception age children are not going to have opinions on the class structure of another child's shoe.

Hello, Hyacinth Bucket? Patent are fine and hard wearing.

I just bought a fairly expensive pair of black patent shoes from a good brand, they sold out quite quickly and (I think) look nice. I never even considered anything to do with class, I'm sure it's fine.

I've never heard of patent being a class thing before, so can't comment on that. But my DC go to private school (most parents just hard working and not overly rich / spendy) and I don't think I've ever seen a pair of patent shoes on the girls.

Personally I've always hated the way patent leather shoes look and find they just look tacky (they remind me of cheap plastic shoes or ones that prostitutes and strippers would wear so maybe that's where your mum got the lower class notion?). As for wear, I also just always assumed they would show scratches instantly and look a mess quite quickly. But if my daughter wants them I'd consider it provided I could polish the scratches out

I was born in the 70s and patent was considered common along with those frilly socks, elaborate hair dos and earrings but times have changed.

My mum wouldn't let me have patent shoes because she said they were too fancy for school!

Honestly I'd get whatever shoes they wanted. And also, don't feel pushed into getting new ones once they get scruffy - they'll always be scruffy. So long as they fit and aren't falling to bits they're fine.

Patent everytime they'll last so much longer

Sorry to add more contradictory advice but my DD is just finishing reception and is on her 2nd pair of M&S patent shoes (due to pesky growth spurt at Easter)….

anyway hers never ever got scuffed or peeled. She runs about a lot and has had more scraped knees than I can count but the shoes are still shiny! I do think it’s partly because the M&S ones have a nice sturdy sole that sticks out a little bit beyond the top of the shoe so you’d bang or scrape the rubber sole bit not the upper shoe.

would 100% recommend good quality patent as a hard wearing option

never heard of the class thing

our school has a mixture of both but I’m sure the kids would never view either negatively!

Our local private prep school doesn't allow patent shoes for some reason. I don't see why it would matter and I'm sure it's good that their shoes are different.

My DD always lives patent - go with what makes them happy

Yes. They look good for much longer.