To ask how you would deal with this work situation?

[ificandream99]

Had an interview at SIL’s work and was offered the job which I have verbally accepted. This job is the same pay as what I’m on currently but means travelling to the office 5 days a week which is a few miles away from where I live. Complete career change and would essentially mean starting from scratch again.

Told my current employer the situation and have now been offered a pay rise and the opportunity to do further qualifications in my field with a view to progress to a more senior role. This is much closer to home and also offers hybrid working.

I don’t want to let SIL down but feel I will be doing my rejecting their offer, which I feel would be the best option. I don’t want to make things awkward for her.

How do I approach this?

You have to do what's right for you. So sorry, my current employer has given me a counter offer. They'll be a bit annoyed but that's the way the cookie crumbles, they'll get over it.

We all have the right to make decisions in our best interests. You tell her that you've been offered a deal to good to refuse, but thank her for the opportunity. You aren't the only job hunter, she'll find someone else. I'd want everything put in place quickly so your current employer can't withdraw the offer.

It’s the way the market is at the moment.

you need to go for your best long term option, whatever that is.

You say. " I don’t want to let SIL down .... I don’t want to make things awkward for her. "

Does she have a lot of influence in your life because this sounds like a power imbalance.

Accept your current employer's offer You must do what's right for you. The other place will find someone else.

Why were you looking for a new job, have your current employers only offered a payrise and promotion because you got offered a new job.

I’ve been in a similar situation twice and both times did what was best for me.

Unless your SIL owns the other company there's no issue with letting her down. Even if she does, this is business not family.
Do what's best for you. It seems to be quite common now to her of employers suddenly offering wage increases etc when someone resigns. If you like it where you are stay. If you don't then go.

You stay where you are. You've now got a career path mapped out, more money and a good work life balance.

I'd just decline and tell the company why. Did your SIL go all out to get the you the interview or something?

I would think very carefully before accepting any counter offer. There was a reason why you were applying elsewhere and the statistics are very much not on the side of things working out long term -some reports say as many as 90% of employees who accept counter offers are out of the role within a year. And your current company now know you’re willing to leave.

I agree, it isn’t the worst thing in the world to go back and say the company made a great counter offer. It does definitely burn the bridge though.

I’d stay get the qualification and payrise. Then you can leave if you want for a better job. Don’t worry about SIL no sane person would expect someone to make a negative major life decision for them!

You have to do what's right for yourself not your SIL. It just happens to be the company she works for, you won't be letting her down personally or leaving her in the lurch.

Get what your firm is offering you in writing before you decide
Take your SIL out of the equation

Do you actually trust your current employer to fund and give you time for further qualifications, have you actually got it in writing?
Sounds like they are the sort of company who will try and get away with paying as little as possible so probably not the best employer.
I would forget about your Sil and try and just weigh up the two organisations to see which is best.

Do what is best for you and don’t worry about your sister in law - she will surely understand that?

do you trust your current company to stick to the promise of further qualifications etc? Is there likely to be opportunities to progress in either role? Can you negotiate with the new company on hybrid working if that is important to you?

I can’t attest to how true this is but I read an article once that said 80% of people that accept a counter offer still leave within 6 months. I don’t think it was this one but the first one that came up on Google:

Why you shouldn’t accept a counter offer

I guess I feel bad because SIL has sung my praises and has recommended me for the job to her line managers. I’m worried that by declining their offer that it will leave her in a difficult situation with them. However, I do understand that that is not a reason to accept their offer and I really do have to do what’s right for me. In the current cost of living crisis, I’m really not in a position to take the lower salary, especially with the cost of commuting which I would have to take into consideration.

"Thank you so much for you time. I really appreciate the offer but unfortunately my existing employer has made a generous counter offer so I will need to remain here for now."

You don't need to go into details, this is a business decision - not a personal one.

I've had this happen a couple of times when I've looked for jobs elsewhere. I wouldn't worry about your SIL too much unless she's really stuck her neck out for you. But even if she has, if they've offered you the job then presumably that's because you were a great candidate so her referral was spot on.

In our industry most people move around via referrals. Sometimes their existing company counter offers and so they don't move. The worst that normally comes from it is that the referrer doesn't get the referral bonus 🤷. Life moves on, so long as you're courteous there's no reason to believe you'll burn any bridges.

Off the record Call your sil and chat. Explain that must comedown to the money but you appreciate her involvement

then go back formally to say you have been offered more to stay. And leave with them

If they in anyway are frustrated with your sister

then shit management

Go back to the new company and say that your existing employer are offering you a pay rise, hybrid working and study support and ask if they can offer you a counter offer? If not, then no person would expect you to accept a job with less money, less prospects and less expenses… Your SIL should understand.

From articles I've read, if you stay in your current job, for higher money etc, most people (80%?) leave within 12 months. Advice is never to offer money to get people to stay as they were leaving for a reason. Of the reason isn't addressed, the discontent will remain.

One article to get you started www.changerecruitmentgroup.com/knowledge-centre/why-you-should-and-should-not-accept-a-counteroffer

Sounds like you should accept the counter offer from your current employer. It looks as though they value you and want to keep you.

it’s not really any business of your SiL.

My son works in recruitment. Counter-offers happen a lot, particularly in the current climate where it's difficult to recruit. Your SIL's employer won't be surprised. Just respond quickly, they may still be able to offer the position to another interviewee.

You’re the most important person here. Do you think your sister in law would pay for 200 miles of fuel per month and say no to a payrise/qualifications to avoid offending you? Doubt it 😂

Definitely stick with the current job. Tbh from what you described I cant see why you would move for the same salary and having to start from scratch, not to mention the travelling. It is what it is, who knows your sil might even find another job too. Don't accept to please her, you have to do what's best for you.

Take SiL out of the equation. What should you do for you?

Were you looking to leave because you are unhappy? Why has your employer only now offered an improvement because you are leaving? Will there be resentment if you accept the counter offer? Does the new career path compensate for a real terms pay cut?

Make the right decision for you and then thank SIL profusely for her support whichever way you go.