Concerns about friends parenting, AIBU

[MyFridgeIsRed]

Hi,
I don't know if IABU or not, and could do with some perspective.
A friend of mine is causing me concern with her parenting. The kids are clothed well, fed, clean, but she has absolutely no interest in them at all. She talks to them terribly, name calling and shouting more than talking. She also favours one way more than the other and therefore the child she disfavours plays up to get attention and is then just shouted at.
It's like the kids are of no importance to her and just a nuisance getting in the way of what she wants to do.
The dad isn't much better.
They have had social services involved before, and although i don't know the whole story, the dad was talked to about physical chastisement, and they were offered parenting classes that they refused to go to because of the implication that they were bad parents.
I'm concerned because the youngest runs away a lot, and she just shouts out "fuck off then".
She's told the oldest that she'll put him in care if he doesn't behave, he said he would rather be in care.
There's so much more, a lot of emotional neglect, if not abuse, it's heartbreaking to see.
I don't know whether to raise my concerns with someone or because they've already had involvement with ss if I should leave the situation alone and concentrate on trying to make the kids feel like they matter whenever I can.

I couldn’t be friends with someone like that op, I’d report to ss and also support the kids if you can.

I am seriously considering ss. But as far as I know they're so overwhelmed at the moment the fact that the kids are clean, fed, and turn up to school on time, would be enough for ss to wash their hands of it. Emotional neglect seems so low on the list for them, and if the parents have refused the help offered by ss before, is there really much more they can do.
However I do feel like something needs to be done and reporting is the only thing I can think of.

Report them , it’s all you can do at the moment

I couldn't sit still and not do anything. Report them.

Report them but he vague, they will tell them exactly what you say whether you chose to be anonymous or not.

Report them. Those poor children need someone to advocate for them. Please do not let them suffer while a phone call to SS could help.

This concerns me aswell, I don't want them to know it was me who reported them. I help out with the kids, in the sense of pick them up from school sometimes, or take them out somewhere if we're going somewhere, the kids seem to thrive when they have some positive attention. I would hate for the parents to know it was me and then not be able to be there for the kids.

Report, report,report. Sorry but they are damaging their children.

It's emotional neglect. These children deserve so much more. They are ruining their childhood which will impact on their adolescence and adulthood.

Personally OP they would be no friends of mine.

You can make an anonymous referral to social care e. I would in your position. Those poor children.

You can report anonymously. Or alternatively report to the school.

Report them and tbh don't be friends with people like this.

You're right that ss are over stretched and quite possibly won't do much, but I would still report anyway.
Report anonymously, state you're worried about the childrens emotional wellbeing and why, don't say anything identifying as your friend will know its you and stop contact, and that would be worse for the children.

Report but don't say anything that other people wouldn't know. I doubt anything will happen but it will build up a picture. I'd report anonymously every few months. You could also word it in a way that would make it sound like a neighbour.

It’s really tough isn’t it? Because you seem like a positive figure in their life’s and if your friend finds out it was you who reported her cuts you off the kids will lose that. And in reality, if they have refused parenting help before are they really going to take it now? No advice but sending best wishes. I know that calling SS is the right thing to do, but I also understand your reluctance.

@Spudina this is exactly my issue.
I think I will report. I know I have to, I'll do it anonymously and hope that the parents don't realise it's me.

I'd speak to the school also, ask to be anonymous

Very important to report. Yes , the threshold for ss may have be higher the last time.. hence why they had a choice to decline parenting classess last time. It is very important that a picture is build up for social services re the reality if the situation.
Child protection is sometimes like a jigsaw and the peices put together to form a picture.
Please report.
Parenting classes are v important in this case.
This abuse is more subtle ,but very damaging and ut needs help.

I mean reporting this time, when services where declined last time , may make it more easy for ss to insist this time as the background info poss stronger now and highlighing a clear , less negotiable , need.

Stay on good terms with the parents but switch your friendship to the DC. Do they have phones? Do they have your number? Let them know that they can call you whenever they want. Remember their birthdays, milestones, exams. Be the “person” in their lives. It’s a lot better than nothing.

Why are you friends with them? Are they otherwise good people? I don’t want to excuse the way they’re parenting, but have you tried talking to her? Is she struggling with depression? Do they have much support?

Report them.

Emotional neglect is a type of abuse.

Do you never say anything at the time? So she's standing there screaming profanities at her young child and you just stand there quietly "validating" her actions by your lack of actions?

Yes report but in the meanwhile I'd also be saying something to her. Even if you frame it as "you seem really stressed with the kids" rather than "you know I really don't think it's good for them for you to talk to them like that" etc.

If I heard my friend talking to her kids like that I'd tell her never to come near me again and I'd report to social services and I'd tell her too . Her poor kids. Glad you are around to report it good luck x

Very sanctimonious and would make you feel good but wouldn’t actually help the children in any way.

Not sanctimonious at all. Have zero tolerance for child abuse. I couldn't be friends with someone like that and appeasing that behaviour isn't acceptable