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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

TO THINK A TODDLER SHOULDNT BE LEFT IN A CAR ALONE?

84 replies

hifi · 16/01/2008 17:53

went shopping in sainsburys yesterday, loading car and noticed a little girl, about 2 yrs, sat all alone in a smart car. i was parked a good distance from the entrance so she wasnt visible to who ever was caring for her.

i loaded up then sat for five minutes wondering if i should do something, or not.
she looked so sad, i now feel bad that i didnt do anything, or am i over reacting?

OP posts:
pedilia · 18/01/2008 13:43

I leave mine in the car when at the petrol station (if I can't use the drive thru one) I can see the car from the shop.

If my youngest falls asleep in the car when I get home then I leave her in the car parked on the driveway, same if I go to do the horses. Again I can see the car.

I would not leave them while I went into a supermarket as I cannot see the car and I cannot be sure how long I will be.

So IMO in cetain situations it is acceptable but not in others.

According to statistics your child is more likely to be injured/killed in a car accident than snatched from your car!!

Haing said all that DH left my oldest 2 in the car while he noecked on someones door, he could see the car at all times BUT a lorry crashed into our car while the children were in there. They were both uninjured and thought is was great fun!! However the outcome would have been the same if DH had also been in the car!

IndigoMoon · 18/01/2008 13:47

i have left mine to go to the greengrocers but i could see the car at all times (literally parked next to shop) and watched it like a hawk. i have done it twice at the most once with dd and once with ds and done cos i needed stuff but they were asleep and the quick pop in took less than three minutes.

i now always do drive thru petrol if the kids are with me as i find the queues are sooooooo long in the petrol stations nowadays that i was leaving far to long than was comfortable for me. even when in constant sight again.

Housemum · 18/01/2008 13:48

Just to stick my oar in do be careful about what appears to be - it just struck me that I sometimes leave my baby in the front seat with her perfectly capable teenage sister in the back - my Fiesta came with "privacy glass" back windows (no, I don't have a boom box in the boot!) so to a passer by it probably looks like an abandoned baby unless they stick their nose against the back window (which would have the teenager screaming while she dialled 999!)

Daffodilly · 18/01/2008 14:36

Confession - when I was a newish mum and very sleep deprived/frazzled I left DD asleep in her car seat for the less than a minute it was going to take me to run into John Lewis customer collections and ask them to bring the package out to me at the car. Car was parked right outside the door.

Unfortunately I locked the car with the remote and so set the alarm. DD must have stirred in her sleep and set the blasted thing off. I'd only walked a couple of paces from the car and it was still in sight. Poor DD was woken and looking very surprised at the noise, but bless her she didn't complain a bit.

Felt like the WORST mother though.

Original poster
hifi · 18/01/2008 15:43

i didnt see the carer return to the car, i dont think it is a problem leaving a child in a car if you can see them, its almost like this carer tucked her away so no one would notice as mother and child parking is directly in front of store.

not causing a big hoo ha but my initial reaction was it was wrong, i should have said something.

OP posts:
whispywhisp · 18/01/2008 21:02

I'm sorry if I'm criticising hifi but if you were that worried and felt it was so wrong to leave a young child in a car, on her own, out of sight from everyone else - why didn't you wait until the parent/carer etc returned to the car? Why not return to the Sainsburys store and ask if they can tannoy the owner of the said vehicle providing the registration just in case he/she was shopping in there?

If you were that worried about the little girl and felt it was wrong why leave the situation? I realise it wasn't up to you but why didn't you do more if you were that worried?

Original poster
hifi · 19/01/2008 11:45

thats the whole point whispy i wish i did.

OP posts:
HaventSleptForAYear · 19/01/2008 19:28

tictacto - at not going out ever - but what if YOU spontaneously self-combust ?
Bit at cars going up in flames although s/o will come up with proof I'm sure.
I still think DC are safer locked in the car in their seats than running around a carpark or even roaming around the house while I'm on the phone (or MN!)

HaventSleptForAYear · 19/01/2008 19:28

Just realised it sounds like I lock my kids in the car regularly - now there's an idea for a bit of peace....

lisamelliott · 14/10/2008 14:24

I know it seems absolutely horrid to leave your little one in the car on their own if you need to nip into a shop or if you have got to pay at the petrol station, and there are many women out there that will disagree with me on what I am about to say.

I have two small children with two years between them and I have admittedly on very few occassions left them both in the car while I nipped into a shop for Milk or while I was paying at the petrol pump. It is great if you can take them out of the car with you, or have somebody watch them for you. I however do not have that luxury I don't have anyone who can pop to the shops for me or look after my kids for 5 mins while I nip and get some milk. It is also a very hard job trying to balance a baby seat with baby in one hand and a two year old on the other and pay at the check out or even carry a pint of milk. Yes I could take out the pushchair from the boot and strap the baby in then put the wrist strap on my eldest then off we go to the shop which is right next to the car and what is a two minute job then becomes a 20 minute job after strapping them back in again and putting the pushchair back in the boot.

I think being a full time mum is an hard enough job without all the so called Mr & Mrs 'Perfects' more or less telling you, you are a bad mother and not worthy of being so, if you dare for a few moments during your lifetime leave your child unattended. I wonder how many mums and dads out there leave there little ones unattended in the house where there are number of accidents that can happen. I wonder how many people vet and question if their child is left on their own at any time when they are at the nursery/school/with family or friends.

I think yes it is wrong to leave your child in the car for a length of time to go shopping. Beleive me I have seen a young baby asleep in a carseat in a shopping outlet carpark with a large dog to keep her company on the back seat. I am sure there will be a few grumbles about that too.

Nobody is perfect, nobody gives you a manual when you become a parent and yes you are fully responsible for the welfare of your child but i beleive also that you should trust people and yourself and not be too hard on the people like myself who have to do most of it alone and are trying our best.

bythepowerofgreyskull · 14/10/2008 14:26

Lisa Did you realise OP was 10 months ago?

Blondeshavemorefun · 14/10/2008 14:34

thought this was an old post

yes children shouldnt be left alone in cars but if paying for petrol or asleep and you can see them, then i dont think it is a problem

leaving them in car parks and going shopping is WRONG

mamalovesmambo · 14/10/2008 21:27

I have never ever ever ever left my DD not for a split second - maybe I am over sensitive due to my past - but even today, I had to nip into supermarket to get her milk, which would take 1 minute - it makes me feel sick that my baby is in the car without mummy - but then we are extremely close and alike. I could not just shut her in like extra baggage - she is my world - I would not care if it was one second or 10 minsm- this is so wrong on so many levels

Sexonlegs · 14/10/2008 21:34

I have to say I hate doing it, but this morning due to shocking traffic, we were running late for school.

Left dd2 in the car for no more than 5 mins while I ran dd1 to the playground.

HRHSaintMamazon · 14/10/2008 21:38

YANBU.

you could have (as i have done in similar situations) gone to customer services and given teh registration details.
theythen put a call out for the owner of the car as their very distressed young child is in teh car alone.

they have to do a walk of shame through teh store with everyone knowing what they have done.

susia · 14/10/2008 21:59

I remember someone I used to know who used to leave her baby/toddler alone in the car for ONE HOUR every day when she went shopping. I did say something and she got really uppity and said 'I don't care what anyone says...'

The same woman claimed she was a single parent so she could claim benefits when she wasn't.

I'm not in touch with her anymore, I wish I had been more forceful in what I said...

Wispabarsareback · 14/10/2008 22:03

How ridiculous so many parents are. Agree that leaving a child in the car while doing a big supermarket shop would be weird and I wouldn't do it, but 5 mins to pay for petrol or milk or similar?? Get over yourselves!!

BoysAreLikeZombies · 14/10/2008 22:05

Fucking hell that's ten minutes I will never get back.

why oh why ressurrect old threads

[joke]

(not)

MadamDeathstare · 14/10/2008 22:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

asdmumandteacher · 14/10/2008 22:18

OMG! I went to Sainsburys last week and a NEWBORN was left in his/her car seat in the car park for 20 minutes (the car was there when i got there and when i left it was still there)It made me feel sick to my stomach - I told customer services. What are some parents like? I could NEVER do that

Rindercella · 14/10/2008 23:02

A couple of weeks ago I was travelling home late afternoon (probably just after 6pm) and stopped at some motorway services on the M40. In the car parked next to us there were 2 children - a girl of about 3 years old and a baby probably about 9 months or so. There was no adult in sight. I (with my DD) took about 10 minutes in the services and when we returned to the car the children were still there.

I took my time getting DD out of her buggy & into the car, unpacking shopping, etc. I then dawdled, torn between going back to the services for them to put a call out for the parent or waiting for the parent to return to the car (there was no way I was going to disappear without making sure the children were not just left there). I waited and eventually the woman I assume was their mother returned (with a couple of bags of M&S shopping). She was gone for at least 15 minutes (that I know of). To my shame I did not say a word to her, just gave her a filthy look.

I appreciate that it must be blardy difficult with 2 small children sometimes, especially if you are desperate for the loo, etc. But to leave your 2 small children alone in a motorway services carpark is just beyond stupid, imo.

HRHSaintMamazon · 14/10/2008 23:04

pmsl i jus realises this is an old thread and i had already posted on it.

BoysAreLikeZombies · 14/10/2008 23:06

Don't get sucked in by an old thread peeps

Rindercella · 14/10/2008 23:08

Haha Mamazon, at least you were consistent in your replies!!

BlackEyedDog · 14/10/2008 23:18

thanks BALZ

just waded through all that

tired now. Can't bring myself to add anything to ancient thread