Am I right to not go to wedding?

[Discodancing77]

One of DH friends is getting married in a few months. We are invited to the evening reception,but I really dont want to go. We attended a wedding of another member of this particular group last year and basically no one really spoke to me ( for context I know all the people in the group although I'm not massively close to them ) despite me trying to chat to people. This group are a bit of a clique which is fine but I'd rather not spend time and money being ignored and feeling awkward.
I'm more than happy for my DH to go and have fun,but hes having a strop and saying he wants me to go.
Am i being unreasonable?

Is he unable to go alone?

It's not a right or wrong thing, but if you don't want to you don't have to.

What makes you think you do?

why can’t you go and mingle, bit of superficial chitty chat. It’s not all about you. However if you really don’t want to go, make an excuse. No point going and feeling excluded and miserable.

Will it cause more hassle ie. with DH to not go. Have you told him yet? If not I would suggest framing it in a you will have a better time not having to look after/worry about me if you go alone rather than a I refuse to go.

I can understand him not wanting to go alone, weddings can be lonely for some people without their significant other and it would also mean he'd spend the night explaining why you didn't attend (and potentially feel like your absence is insulting to the bride/groom friend), is there a good excuse he can use?

Did you explaim how you found the last one really awkward and can he make sure you feel included/not out on a limb? I wouldn't not go if it was important to my partner that I attended, it's one night.

Because life is short and she doesn't want to

Put on a smile and a nice dress. You are part of a couple and sometimes you have to compromise.

I've said I would rather not go as its the same group as the previous wedding. I'm really sociable and chatty but it is very cliquey and last time we were left alone st a table ,it was very awkward .
He can go alone,but it's an hour away from here so would mean getting the transport they are providing by himself.

I wouldn't go either. Neither would I expect my dh to come to the wedding of a work colleague unless I knew the couple well.

@SmileyPiuPiu youll note I did ask if she could tolerate mingling and superficial chat, if no then don’t go
plenty times people attend lacklustre events, dos , weddings to accompany someone else. Depends if you can tolerate it. If it is intolerable, then don’t go, simple as THat

Hes a friend of DH ,they went to nursery and school together and still socialise from time to time. Most of the group are drug users whilst neither me or DH are so we have often found we are excluded from things or treated like social anomalies because we dont join in.
It doesnt bother me or DH what other people do, we just choose not to.

Your dp getting prearranged transport isn’t exactly a hardship. That’s not a big ask

last time we were left alone st a table

Does this mean that if you don’t go, he’ll have no one to talk to? If that’s the case, I can see why he wants you to go with him.

last time we were left alone st a table ,it was very awkward

Sounds like your DH hasn't yet twigged that he isn't part of the clique. Or maybe he has and that's why he desperately wants you to go.

Will he end up sat on his own all night if you're not with him?

Ok, so the more you post, I can see your rationale for not attending
its up to your dp to decide what he does. You’re not compelled to attend
I've attended events with dp and mingled, superficial chat but you’re describing a whole other situation

I think that sometimes you do things for your partner, because you are part of a couple.

I am definitely not a person who is joined at the hip to my dh, and, over the years have been to plenty of things without him, and he has without me, when the other genuinely can't come, but it is part of being a couple to suck it up sometimes and go along with them to things they would like you to go to with them.

It surely can't be that much of a hardship to spend an evening with your partner ?

I honestly think he will talk to them all and be fine . Like I say he still goes out with them a few times a year. I rarely say no to things but I honestly can't see it being much fun for me.

If you don't want to go, you don't have to at the end of the day but personally for the sake of a few hours with it only being an evening invite, if it was important to my Partner then I would personally make the effort to go.

Even if you can't understand it, for whatever reason, he wants to go and as you've said you were both left sitting alone at a table last time, I would go to be with him. The two of you can still have a good time, have a few drinks and dance, make the most of it. There's no reason you need to stay sitting at your table all night

So, are they cliquey and not talking to you personally, or are they getting high and ignoring both of you?

If the former then I wouldn't go. If the latter then I'd support DH.

Cross post. YANBU

I can see peoples views and to a point I do feel like I'm being a but unsupportive. I just felt so uncomfortable last time, like I shouldn't really be there. For example one of his friends sat with his back to me talking to my husband whilst I just sat there, to be fair the friend was drinking pints of wine but still it was pretty crap.

My DH has some friends a bit like that - cliquey, not drug users. Lots of hilarious 🙄 stories about embarrassing things that happened when they were younger. They think it's "boring" to not be drunk at a wedding. We went to one recently and they turned their noses up at us for not getting involved in the drinking (I'm pregnant and DH stopped at 3 to make sure he was completely fine to drive home the next morning). I go to support DH, as he would do the same for me. But YANBU to not wanting to go,especially as you know you won't enjoy it.

Well can you say that to him? That if you were to go you would want him to make sure you were included and that things like this wouldn't happen. If I was at a wedding I would actively make sure my partner wasn't stuck on their own.

I wouldn’t go anywhere where I knew I would feel uncomfortable and unwelcome. Your husband should understand that you don’t want to be in that position for a second time. Tough if he doesn’t like it.

I was kind of swaying towards thinking you should go to support him until your last post.

"I'll be giving it a miss DH. At the last wedding your mate rudely sat with his back to me chatting to you, and you basically let me sit there at a table on my own being ignored. No thanks. You go and have a great night though".