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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not understand what I've done wrong?

45 replies

Jj2431 · 04/07/2022 19:05

Hi ladies and gents,

My AIBU is this, started work a few months ago, get along with everyone thus far, guy that I work with who works on reception is friendly and polite usually, as time went on, became less formal with me and had basic chats, think 'Hey, how are you? How's your weekend been?' Type chats. Always smiley, always polite and same with me, always polite towards him and chatty. Anyway, I had a week off due to illness, came back and he wouldn't look at me, went as far as to be with me and two other colleagues and completely acted as if I didn't exist during the conversation. Fast forward to this week, I come face to face with him, I smile, say hello how are you? Nothing. Looks at me, looks away, walks past me and starts talking to colleague and laughing and joking and acting like I don't exist. There has been no argument or awkwardness until now, I have no fell out with anyone else at work that he may get along with. AIBU to feel a bit like wtf did I do? Had a shit weekend anyway and been made to feel like an outcast in my family once again and so someone else acting like I don't exist all of a sudden has probably annoyed and affected me more than it should have.

OP posts:
Lunarpsychobitch · 04/07/2022 19:07

I'd just ask him straight out if I'd done something to upset or offend him?

WindowsSmindows · 04/07/2022 19:12

We cannot possibly know.
We're can't even come up with good guesses.
You could just ask him?
Did he have to cover your work when you were off?

RiojaRose · 04/07/2022 19:13

Yeah, I would ask him. It’s a really immature way to behave though.

Pumperthepumper · 04/07/2022 19:14

I don’t think you’re going to get any answers here. How could anyone know?

Original poster
Jj2431 · 04/07/2022 19:16

No, we do different jobs. It's less of a what have I done as of course you can't know but more of a, aibu to be a bit confused by this? Am I giving too much of a shit about it? I'm not confident enough to ask him and I don't want to give someone who's ignoring me reason to think I care I guess.

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 04/07/2022 19:18

Jj2431 · 04/07/2022 19:16

No, we do different jobs. It's less of a what have I done as of course you can't know but more of a, aibu to be a bit confused by this? Am I giving too much of a shit about it? I'm not confident enough to ask him and I don't want to give someone who's ignoring me reason to think I care I guess.

I think, and I mean this kindly, there’s a solid chance it’s in your head. If he’s on reception it’s part of his job to be polite to people. Maybe he was having a bad day and didn’t register you?

Meraas · 04/07/2022 19:20

YANBU. He has stopped seeing the benefit to him of being nice to you.

Is it possible he thought you were single?

Original poster
Jj2431 · 04/07/2022 19:22

It's not just one day though, he's done this in the last week or so all of a sudden

@Meraas I am married with children. I have always worn my ring to work?

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 04/07/2022 19:27

Jj2431 · 04/07/2022 19:22

It's not just one day though, he's done this in the last week or so all of a sudden

@Meraas I am married with children. I have always worn my ring to work?

So, what’s your theory? Why would he suddenly be polite (as is his job) then decide you didn’t deserve it?

Original poster
Jj2431 · 04/07/2022 19:29

@Pumperthepumper I genuinely don't know as there's been no issues between us or between me and any other work colleague for there to be an issue, yet clearly there is a reason for this as it's so different now.

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 04/07/2022 19:31

Jj2431 · 04/07/2022 19:29

@Pumperthepumper I genuinely don't know as there's been no issues between us or between me and any other work colleague for there to be an issue, yet clearly there is a reason for this as it's so different now.

Or maybe he’s just busy and distracted? I’m only
saying this because you said ‘been made to feel like an outcast in my family once again’ - is it not possible you’re projecting a bit?

ticktickticktickBOOM · 04/07/2022 19:32

He sounds like a drama queen. Probably attention seeking and likes causing office dramas. Either ignore it completely and treat him with as much respect as he's treating you, or ask him directly and in front of other people.

Original poster
Jj2431 · 04/07/2022 19:33

@Pumperthepumper I can see what you mean but no because I thought before this weekends feeling cast aside from family thing that he was acting differently. I think it's one thing to decide to just remain polite as colleagues but to go from polite, to friendly to ignoring me when I'm standing right there and actually saying hello is different.

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 04/07/2022 19:37

Jj2431 · 04/07/2022 19:33

@Pumperthepumper I can see what you mean but no because I thought before this weekends feeling cast aside from family thing that he was acting differently. I think it's one thing to decide to just remain polite as colleagues but to go from polite, to friendly to ignoring me when I'm standing right there and actually saying hello is different.

But why would he? You’ve got the most information about this scenario and even you can’t think of a reason. And if you thought it before now, it’s more of a gradual decline in politeness?

Luredbyapomegranate · 04/07/2022 19:41

I had a colleague do this once. I hadn’t done anything, it was just a control / manipulation thing.

Do not give him the satisfaction of asking. Just treat him like the rest of the building do (which probably means just charging through the turnstile). Imagine you never got to know this guy, it will quickly become a non issue. It’s helpful he’s on reception, you don’t need to engage with him.

LikeAStar1994 · 04/07/2022 19:46

To everyone who is saying "How would we know?" and "We cannot possibly know" etc. OP is obviously not expecting anybody here to be able to tell her. She's just looking for advice.

OP, I wouldn't give him the time of day any more when it comes to informal stuff. People are weird. They're polite, friendly and chatty one week and then give you the cold shoulder and ignore you the next. Many of the reasons why I prefer my own company. Don't let it bother you. You sound pretty great to me.

Original poster
Jj2431 · 04/07/2022 19:47

Thanks @LikeAStar1994 I think it's got to me a bit more because I always think I'm not good enough as it is and then it feels like this sort of thing confirms it so thank you.

OP posts:
SirChenjins · 04/07/2022 19:47

YANBU to feel a bit low about it and wonder what you’ve done, given the circumstances, but it’s impossible to say why he’s behaving this way. It could be he’s just one of these people who blows hot and cold, or it could be someone has made some ‘joke’ about the pair of you and he’s backing off, or he could be someone who likes to mess with people, or a myriad of other reasons. Just shrug and try and put it out of your head - he’s really not worth your thoughts.

Whatsthisallaboutconfused · 04/07/2022 19:49

Like you I would really hate this. I can’t bear game playing, weirdness etc. It really does sound like it’s his problem though. I doubt you’ll ever get to the bottom of it so just remain polite and try not to bother thinking about it

SquirrelFan · 04/07/2022 19:50

Probably he's got the wrong end of the stick somehow - someone teased him about his "office wife" (you) or made him think you had a crush on him. Or he's now together with someone else who is jealous of your rapport. Or maybe he thinks you've "told on him" - are there any small things (being late, using company stationery) that you two get away with that someone may have reprimanded him for?

LadyWithLapdog · 04/07/2022 19:53

Maybe he was reprimanded for being too friendly to people and he’s acting more “professional”. Or he was flirting and being an arsehole. Or distracted with his own issues. Ignore and don’t give it any headspace.

Cannotstandthisheat · 04/07/2022 20:12

Not really advice, but a few years ago a colleague I believed I was friends with ignored my existance for 3 months.
If there were 5 people in the room he'd just entered, he wouldn't say "hey guys" he would say hello and say everyone's name but mine. He'd ignore me if I spoke to him. It was honestly horrible, and we both worked mostly the same full time shifts in a shop so this was almost a daily thing for 3 months.

He randomly started talking to me again, I asked him wtf that was all about before. He said someone had told him something I had either said or done and it had pissed him off. But apparently he'd then forgotten what this was, so decided to talk to me again....

Needless to say our "friendship" never recovered and I just saw him as a colleague after that.
I never did find out what I has supposedly said or did wrong.

Original poster
Jj2431 · 04/07/2022 20:45

@Cannotstandthisheat wow, he could have said something. Thing is I'm not really friends with this guy but we were friendly, he would always get up to greet me and always had a smile on his face and now he's actively going out of his way to ignore me and not even say hello when he sees me even if I say it to him. I've never spoken about him behind his back either good or bad so it's odd to me

OP posts:
Devotedcatslave · 04/07/2022 20:49

Is there any chance he knows someone in your family that you've fallen out with and is reacting to that?

BiFoldChampion · 04/07/2022 20:50

Is it a bit of Queen drama?

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