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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

boyfriend begging me to text him back

71 replies

Amethystbluexo · 04/07/2022 17:32

hi wise mumsnet.

i had an argument with my boyfriend approximately two days ago. Think something trivial, watching an episode of a series without the other and it blew up from that. We don’t live together.

Generally he is a sweet and very loving guy, and we’ve been together for over a year now. The argument led from being passive aggressive to full blown insults. I’m hurt because he made degrading comments about my breast size (which he reassured me plenty about in the past) and very bluntly said “you could never make me cum anyway”

Fyi he has ejaculation issues due to being anxious around his surroundings but also could be caused by the fact he is quite underweight. I’ve supported him throughout both of these issues so for my body to be brought up in insult i am incredibly hurt by this.

He texted me afew laters apologising but i was just too hurt to even respond. He’s once again texted me an hour ago begging me to talk to him and respond but at the moment i genuinely want nothing to do with him.

AIBU to not want to talk?

OP posts:
Lunarpsychobitch · 04/07/2022 19:13

You deserve better, tell him to jog on

Favouritefruits · 04/07/2022 19:15

Don’t just ignore him, be an adult and either try and make it work or break up, I can’t stand childish acts such as silent treatment, just make a decision let him know either way, if you’ve decided you’re done text him that, wish him well for the future then block his number don’t play games.

WindowsSmindows · 04/07/2022 19:16

I would go for "You are a nasty person and I want nothing to do with you"
Using the phrase "things were said" is passive, he might think you mean you said things, he said things, you are both to blame....

PritiPatelsMaker · 04/07/2022 19:19

Totally agree with PinaColadaSunset's suggestion.

I'd send the message and then block him on everything. You deserve someone who builds you up, not a nasty insecure man who tries to win arguments by undermining you.

AgentJohnson · 04/07/2022 19:25

Well he did apologise! I can’t for the life of me understand why you haven’t developed amnesia over his viscous, laughable barbs.

This is part of his character and I’m sure he’ll blame it on some external factor beyond his control. However, he chose to give himself permission to use his insecurities and inadequacies to treat you like shit. And if that wasn't bad enough, he seems to think some lame apology affords him the right to harass and badger you to accepting his shitty behaviour.

This is where your support and understanding of this man has led to, him thinking he can abuse you and somehow be the victim. If you had said unkind words about his ED, he wouldn’t be so forgiving of you as he expects you to be of him.

I suspect this isn’t the first time he’s asserted himself by putting you down.

Thepossibility · 04/07/2022 19:28

Oops his mask slipped.
Op I've had many disagreements with DH over the years and NOTHING personal like that has slipped out in the heat of the moment. Actually come to think of it, of all the arguments I've had (eg with siblings, cousins) none have had personal insults like that. The only time I've heard shit like that was from bullies who where trying to put me in my place. You'd be a fool to forgive this.

Thepossibility · 04/07/2022 19:29

*were

RiojaRose · 04/07/2022 19:32

Ending it is the sensible thing to do. No point bring with someone who doesn’t respect you.

RiojaRose · 04/07/2022 19:34

being, of course; not bring.

Original poster
Amethystbluexo · 04/07/2022 19:38

Thank you all for the supportive advice and replies. It’s not the first time he’s made vile comments about the female body (and yep he insists he is 100% straight). I won’t ghost him anymore, i’ve come to realise from the comments it is unfair and childish on my behalf aswell. Will text him back now.

OP posts:
Mif4 · 04/07/2022 19:39

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

CallOnMe · 04/07/2022 19:40

He’s shown his true colours and told you what he really thinks of you.

The only reason he’s sucking up to you now is probably because he’s horny.
This is just going up constantly repeat itself.

Tell him it’s over and find someone who actually appreciates you.

Yorkshirelass04 · 04/07/2022 19:59

Text him back to clarify that it's over.

tomatopsste · 04/07/2022 20:06

Favouritefruits · 04/07/2022 19:15

Don’t just ignore him, be an adult and either try and make it work or break up, I can’t stand childish acts such as silent treatment, just make a decision let him know either way, if you’ve decided you’re done text him that, wish him well for the future then block his number don’t play games.

Or just tell him he's a nasty cunt, you're not bothered about his future and then block him

collieresponder88 · 04/07/2022 20:43

Fuck him off. Pathetic waste of space

Cherrysoup · 04/07/2022 20:59

Don’t think he’s the one for you! Chuck him back,OP, you’re worth far more.

PritiPatelsMaker · 04/07/2022 21:27

Will text him back now.

Hope he's civil with you. Does he have keys to your place?

Pinkbonbon · 05/07/2022 11:24

Amethystbluexo · 04/07/2022 19:38

Thank you all for the supportive advice and replies. It’s not the first time he’s made vile comments about the female body (and yep he insists he is 100% straight). I won’t ghost him anymore, i’ve come to realise from the comments it is unfair and childish on my behalf aswell. Will text him back now.

Eee...sounds like he hates women.
And guess what, you're a woman. So you'll get the same hate the second he in in a bad mood or just thinķs 'hey, she's a woman so i better take her down a peg or two today'.

If they use derogatory words against women - Always run. Fast and far.

Hope you managed a clean break. Suspect this creep may not like the word no :/

Pinkbonbon · 05/07/2022 11:48

Also, I get why you jumped to 'possibly gay' because I his derogatory remarks against women's bodies. But not fancying women alone isn't going to make you horrible about women.

Not that gay men can't also be mysoginists of course...but the issue is that ANY man who speaks vilely of a womans body parts - likely has contempt towards women. So sexuality is kinda a red herring. Not fancying women is nothing in comparison to hating women.

Anonymous48 · 05/07/2022 14:06

Amethystbluexo · 04/07/2022 19:38

Thank you all for the supportive advice and replies. It’s not the first time he’s made vile comments about the female body (and yep he insists he is 100% straight). I won’t ghost him anymore, i’ve come to realise from the comments it is unfair and childish on my behalf aswell. Will text him back now.

You probably should have dumped him the first time he made a vile comment about a woman's body. Any decent man would never do that. Easier said than done though, I know, and it's sometimes easier to ignore such behavior than confront it.

I'm glad you have realized now that this "man" is not worth your time or attention. I completely agree with the previous poster who suggested texting him this:
Things were said that can never be taken back. I wish you well for the future but your future won’t include me.

Clear, to the point, yet respectful. (There is no reason for you to stoop to his level. Be the better person.)

cooldarkroom · 05/07/2022 14:45

I sincerely hope you have told him that at no point you will accept being spoken to like that by him or any other misogynistic pig.
Hope he finds another woman who will support his various Ejaculation problems, because you are out

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