boyfriend begging me to text him back

[Amethystbluexo]

hi wise mumsnet.

i had an argument with my boyfriend approximately two days ago. Think something trivial, watching an episode of a series without the other and it blew up from that. We don’t live together.

Generally he is a sweet and very loving guy, and we’ve been together for over a year now. The argument led from being passive aggressive to full blown insults. I’m hurt because he made degrading comments about my breast size (which he reassured me plenty about in the past) and very bluntly said “you could never make me cum anyway”

Fyi he has ejaculation issues due to being anxious around his surroundings but also could be caused by the fact he is quite underweight. I’ve supported him throughout both of these issues so for my body to be brought up in insult i am incredibly hurt by this.

He texted me afew laters apologising but i was just too hurt to even respond. He’s once again texted me an hour ago begging me to talk to him and respond but at the moment i genuinely want nothing to do with him.

AIBU to not want to talk?

@Amethystbluexo my advice to you would be to visit the relationship section of this forum and read the threads asking for leaving advice. You see the same pattern over and over and it's just like your story. He will keep luring you back with sweet words and apologies and you'll think that the few bad times are worth all the good times and you'll fall in love with him. You'll convince yourself he has had a hard life and you can save him. And it will happen again and again and again.

Have a serious think about assertively telling him it's over.

That sounds unforgivable

DH and I have argued a lot of the years, sometimes about things that actually matter, and neither of us has ever said anything even remotely in that wheelhouse. Either he's been stewing over this for some time or he's very good at thinking of extremely hurtful things to say in the heat of the moment. I would struggle to get past either of those things because now he's said it, where's the trust? I certainly wouldn't be getting naked with someone who'd made comments like that about my body.

I second this from @Pinkbonbon:

I'd text him and tell him you won't be spoken to like that and that it's completely over.

There is a huge difference between blurting out something hurtful in the heat of an argument, bad though that is, and taking the time and trouble to type a message out and press send. Your instincts to want nothing more to do with him are spot on, IMO.

What’s that cliche? When people tell you who they are, believe them?
Yeh so if you give him another chance you know what he thinks of you and you can expect to hear it again at some unspecified point in the future.

I'd just tell him well, obviously you can never feel comfortable having sex with him again so that is that. And block.

This wording is really good OP. Send and block.

OP. This is as good as it gets. You have been together for a year. It's the honeymoon period. He should be trying to impress you but instead he is abusing you. Cut your losses.

That’s disgusting behaviour in his part and you should send a final message telling him that you will not be seeing him any longer. You could also be very clear that you don’t wish to have any further contact and then block him. You deserve better.

If you take him back you send him the message that it's fine for him to behave like this. His behaviour will escalate. Don't encourage him or allow yourself to accept such bad behaviour.

Its an old MN adage, but it definitely applies here: when someone shows them who they really are, believe them.

Another vote for this response.

There are boundaries about acceptable behaviour even when we’re angry. Maybe especially when we’re angry. He completely crossed them.

Pp phrased your reply perfectly:

I would simply respond to him, calmly, and say “Things were said that can never be taken back. I wish you well for the future but your future won’t include me.”

Neither of you can come back from what he said. It was clearly in his head and you'll never unhear it. Find someone else. This relationship isn't the one.

Bin. Immediately.

I've had some blazing rows with dps & even friends in my lifetime... not once have I ever insulted a physical part of someone! Nor would I tolerate someone insulting my appearance/insecurities.
RUN!! This will only get worse.

You'll never forget what he said and if you were to stay with him it would always be there.

My ex said some similarly hurtful things to me, very similar to that, during an argument. Accepting his apology because it was 'in the heat of the moment' was the single biggest mistake I ever made in my life.

All I can say is that this man has shown you his true colours and he is absolutely not the man for you. He deliberately hurt you and he made a point of choosing your most personal insecurities because he knew they would hurt you the most. It's unforgiveable. You will never be able to trust him again. End the relationship. He is not the sweet and loving guy you think he is - he is sweet and loving when things are going his way, and when they are not, he is vile. Do not condemn yourself to a life of walking on eggshells around a man because you know he'll pull his Jekyll and Hyde act if you accidentally upset him.

I’d also vote for sending him the following reply from a previous poster:

I won't be spoken to like that and that it's completely over.

and then block.

He's nasty and that never improves with time I'm afraid.

If anybody used insults about my body and sex with me to try and win an argument there'd be no more conversations I'm afraid.
Childish pathetic and a very very low blow indeed.

OP,

Listen to your instincts, this is EXACTLY who he is, a nasty vile little man.

Be glad you have seen the real him.

Don't waste any further time on him, or you will regret it.

He has shown you who he is.

He’s shown you who he is, what he thinks.
previously he’s avoided doing so, and in anger revealed his true feeling and He’s mean spirited and unkind. You have to decide, do you want to break up,has he gone too far? Or can you forgive and try again with the relationship
if you do get back together you both need to acknowledge and address what he actually said. Obviously he’s going to beg you back and love bomb in hope you’ll change your mind. You need to prioritise yourself not him

I certainly wouldn't text him back.
I would block him and delete him from my life forever.

Dump him. He sounds toxic

Gosh, aren’t you all polite! I’d text back “Piss off, you wanker, and don’t contact me again.”