Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this maybe aimed at me?

29 replies

Ticktockbigclock · 04/07/2022 11:23

I take ds to a class for 0 to 4 year old music etc. He's one of the oldest but still likes going. He's not shy! Anyway today one of the nans brought her 2.5 year old granddaughter. She said she hasn't been for a while as alot of the bigger kids are boisterous and her granddaughter was scared because she's shy. My DS is one of the oldest so I did feel it was aimed at me/us. I didn't respond tbh.
The class is aimed at both their ages so they obviously both have a right to be there but it was a bit uncomfortable

OP posts:
maddy68 · 04/07/2022 11:26

It's a reasonable comment

Older kids are more boisterous and some kids don't like it.

You are overthinking

Badgirlgonegood · 04/07/2022 11:27

Awww don’t worry that is just her view, I remember when DS was under 1 and I would worry at soft play about all the crazy toddlers now he is almost 2 and stomping about I’m now cautious of the tiny ones.

As long as your son is respectful and taught to be careful you have just as much right to be there as anyone!

JenniferBarkley · 04/07/2022 11:39

maddy68 · 04/07/2022 11:26

It's a reasonable comment

Older kids are more boisterous and some kids don't like it.

You are overthinking

Yes I agree, it may well have been aimed at your DS but without a shred of judgement or complaint. Assuming you supervise him and intervene when he snatches etc (which they all do in this age range!) then it's just different personalities.

shivawn · 04/07/2022 11:44

I wouldn't worry about it OP. If she wants to say something then she can say it directly otherwise don't read too much in to it.

FarmGirl78 · 04/07/2022 12:12

If you've said "He's not shy" is this you admitting he's overbearing? Watch the play and see how much he's dominating the space, toys and other children. Without this comment from you I'd have said you're just being over sensitive, but I get the feeling you perhaps know he is too boisterous. Can't do any harm teaching him to share, be patient and look out for other children a little bit more.

Original poster
Ticktockbigclock · 04/07/2022 12:16

He does share and doesn't get in people's faces but he's not timid it's not his character.

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 04/07/2022 12:16

How boisterous is he?

I had two really quiet and shy children and didn't go to some places because it was too much for my children. The only time I judged was when other children were in my kid's faces and wouldn't leave them alone when they were clearly distressed by it and children who hit, snatch etc without parental intervention.

Original poster
Ticktockbigclock · 04/07/2022 12:34

He doesn't get in people's faces or snatch. He runs round and is enthusiastic but not aggressive or rude.

OP posts:
maddiemookins16mum · 04/07/2022 12:35

‘He’s not shy!’ (I’ve included the exclamation mark), could mean he’s ‘too much’ for the littler ones.

TeapotTitties · 04/07/2022 12:37

So he is boisterous then?

Original poster
Ticktockbigclock · 04/07/2022 12:37

Probably in a non threatening way yes. He definitely isn't an in your face child.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ticktockbigclock · 04/07/2022 12:38

He's 4 at the end of the day.

OP posts:
TeapotTitties · 04/07/2022 12:39

Ticktockbigclock · 04/07/2022 12:37

Probably in a non threatening way yes. He definitely isn't an in your face child.

Yes, then it probably was aimed at your child and the other boisterous ones.

But what's the problem?

She's obviously managed to encourage the little girl to come back and she's probably developing into a less shy/timid child.

KyaClark · 04/07/2022 12:41

My son used to be shy and wouldn't have liked being around boisterous bigger kids.

But, I wouldn't have felt any more entitled to going than you and nor should the person who said it. Try not to take it to heart.

WombleFan1 · 04/07/2022 12:41

Every baby/toddler activity group has a token pushy/boisterous child that ruins it for others. The mum of said child usually thinks their child's behaviour is brilliant!

JenniferBarkley · 04/07/2022 12:45

WombleFan1 · 04/07/2022 12:41

Every baby/toddler activity group has a token pushy/boisterous child that ruins it for others. The mum of said child usually thinks their child's behaviour is brilliant!

It also has a quiet child who finds the perfectly acceptable behaviour of boisterous older children a bit too much. I don't think we need to be making OP worry here.

ABBAsnumberonefan · 04/07/2022 12:49

I think you’re overthinking it a bit? Even if it was your child she was talking about, does it matter? As you say he’s not hurting anyone but equally that doesn’t mean it wasn’t too much for her granddaughter. She’s probs just needing to build her confidence up etc, I don’t think it as a dig at you!

stuntbubbles · 04/07/2022 12:51

She was making conversation. When you say you didn’t respond, what do you mean? You just walked off?

IncompleteSenten · 04/07/2022 12:53

Something can be a fact without being a criticism.

Is she younger? Yes.
Is she shy? Yes.
Are some of the other kids bigger? Yes.
Are some kids boisterous? Yes.

Is any of that a criticism of anyone? No.

Swimmingpoolsally · 04/07/2022 12:59

I’m also not sure of the issue op. It seems your child is boisterous and runs around and this little girl might be scared. Just make sure your kids behaviour is suitable for the environment. Saying a child is boisterous is not sayong they are aggressive or rude etc, however just saying nothing and walking away is rude.

Theala · 04/07/2022 13:03

Aye. My DD was (sometimes still is) the shy child who's scared of the older, more boisterous kids. Doesn't mean those older kids are doing anything wrong, they're just being themselves.

If you're sure he's not being mean/overbearing to other kids, then just brush it off.

5128gap · 04/07/2022 13:10

Well, surely you would know if your DS was being overly boisterous around a younger child because you're there watching him? But if you're in doubt I'd say to her 'when you mentioned child being upset by the older children, I hope DS hasn't been too boisterous around her when I've not noticed?' Should clear up any doubts.

Favvi · 04/07/2022 13:22

Gently, she's not done anything remotely wrong or insulting, even if the comment is aimed at your DS. Even assuming the absolute worst from her comment (which you seem determined to do), your child makes her grandchild uncomfortable but she understands your child isn't doing anything wrong and has a right to be there so she removed her own grandchild for a while.

What did you want her to do? Force her grandchild to be miserable?

ladycarlotta · 04/07/2022 13:28

I think it's interesting that you read it as a dig at you rather than the grandmother being aware of her grandchild's needs and limits. She's observed that her grandchild struggles around more boisterous children in the class, and has chosen to do other things with the grandchild rather than demand other children stop behaving how they like. This seems really reasonable to me.

neverbeenskiing · 04/07/2022 14:21

I think most of us can be a bit sensitive when it comes to our DC, OP. Maybe she was referring to your DS, but if so I doubt it was meant as a criticism. If you take your child to a group for 0-4 year olds you expect there to be 4 year olds running around! From what you've said, your DS sounds like a typical 4 year old, he hasn't done anything wrong and neither have you. Some kids are confident in group situations and others may be more shy and reserved. One is not better or worse than the other IMO, just different.