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Original poster

To send her all of the messages

98 replies

Mylifeinpart · 04/07/2022 09:45

I'm so mad at the moment. Someone I was in love with and dated last year has been in touch alot recently. We ended because he wouldn't go public with our relationship. He been sending messages asking to date. Saying he was busy with work but as soon as he has time would like to see me. Telling me he loves me etc. Last message received was 2 days ago. Yesterday he posted being on holiday with his girlfriend!! Tagged her too. Clearly I've been a side interest that he has now publicly dumped without telling me. I'm shocked that he would do this and think I wouldn't message her? Also how can he treat me like this?

OP posts:
Cheeseandlobster · 04/07/2022 11:37

Not while she is on holiday without a support network

Misstes · 04/07/2022 11:40

He treated you badly last year and then you gave him a second chance and he treated you appallingly again. Just block him, move on don’t waste your time getting dragged into their drama. It’s not worth the stress.

Songoftheseas · 04/07/2022 11:40

I’m really sorry this has happened to you. Please tell her, she deserves to know what a low life scumbag he is and can decide what she wants to do with that information. If it was me I would absolutely want to know. I can’t fathom people that wouldn’t say something (as kindly as possible), it’s very cruel to allow someone to continue a relationship with someone who has no love or respect for them.

WinterMusings · 04/07/2022 11:48

I would definitely tell her and in her shoes I'd want to know.

HOWEVER, for HER sake I'd wait until they get home. Wait until she has friends/family around, somewhere to go. Her life is about to become very shit, it can wait a few days!

id send her an 'overview' of the time line, a few details to back it up, but only 'everything' if she asks for details.

She probably is nice, you are!

Don't beat yourself up, he's clearly a seasoned liar! You broke up with him because he wasn't prepared to 'go public', he's been telling you what you want to hear (to get back in your pants!!). We can pretty much all fall for a good line when we want to.

tTll her when they're back. Delete HIM from all your contacts. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off & make some nice plans for the summer!! 🌷

AryaStarkWolf · 04/07/2022 11:50

I would send her on all the messages and videos and then block him

Annoyedwithmyself · 04/07/2022 11:52

I'd say send her everything, you want as little back and forth as possible and he's probably got an excuse ready in case you message her. If she has the full pile of evidence then that's that. She can make her own mind up.

Dancingwithhyenas · 04/07/2022 11:54

Poor you and poor her. I would absolutely tell her, for her sake. You’ve both been ill treated.

ReneBumsWombats · 04/07/2022 11:56

Well personally I'd stay out of it. But as you are actually involved in this, having been deceived, I think it is your business if you wish it to be. Just be prepared for the possibility that she won't thank you and will choose to stay with him anyway. It could happen.

Ihatemyroad · 04/07/2022 11:56

Tell her. You’re probably not his only ‘other’ interest.

HundredAcreW00d · 04/07/2022 12:06

I agree it isn't the Kindest thing to do to message her while she is on holiday.

I wouldnt wait personally and I wouldn't want someone else to not tell me just because im on holiday. Imagine if he proposes and she tells her family and puts it on facebook, then you have to tell her what he did and its a bigger thing for her to have to tell friends and family.

Shitscared123 · 04/07/2022 12:11

Definitely yes. Dickheads like this need calling out on this behaviour.

Nocutenamesleft · 04/07/2022 12:20

Mylifeinpart · 04/07/2022 10:24

It's just hurtful that he could do this! We slept together a few weeks ago

I’d tel her

weve got a girl code. I would want someone 100% to do the same

however it might go wrong. My best mates boyfriend hit on me one day. I felt I should tel my best mate. She didn’t believe me and it turned into one of the most hurtful things of my life.

however you don’t know her. But just realise she might not believe you etc.

Buythebag40 · 04/07/2022 12:24

ilovesooty · 04/07/2022 10:41

Just get tested and move on. If she's with someone like this she can find out for herself.

Problem is she probably won't though - men like this count on the OW staying quiet.

Tell her OP, I would - why should the dirty dog get away with it?

Honeyroar · 04/07/2022 12:24

HundredAcreW00d · 04/07/2022 12:06

I agree it isn't the Kindest thing to do to message her while she is on holiday.

I wouldnt wait personally and I wouldn't want someone else to not tell me just because im on holiday. Imagine if he proposes and she tells her family and puts it on facebook, then you have to tell her what he did and its a bigger thing for her to have to tell friends and family.

Yes I get that, but it would be absolutely awful to have to share a bed once you know he’s cheated, you’d struggle to get away from him too. I think it’s best to find out at home where she can get away from him and have support.

id just say you’ve just found out, you don’t want anything more to do with him, but you thought she should know what he’s up to behind her back. Then attach a few messages. (Have you screenshot them?)

SailingNotSurfing · 04/07/2022 12:29

What an utter twat. Wait til the holiday is over then send her all the evidence of her rubbish boyfriend's infidelity.

2catsandhappy · 04/07/2022 12:31

He will tell her you are a crazy stalking ex. He will claim he only slept with you in a weak moment after you seduced him.
Blah blah blah.
If you must contact her, keep it fact like and unemotional. "It seems we were dating the same man on these dates<insert screen shots> "

TheDarrellRivers · 04/07/2022 12:35

@ManateeFair
this is excellent advice

5128gap · 04/07/2022 12:41

Sending her the messages won't really help you. And be really really honest here, do you care that mych about warning her for her sake?
You might feel a temporary pleasure at the thought you may damage his relationship, but you also run the risk of remaining embroiled mentally and even practically in a situation you need to move on from.
You send the messages, you wait for a response. You get one, it might be nasty or threatening and upset you more. You respond again. You check SM to see what's come of it. She stays with him you wonder why...when all the time you could be putting him in the bin where he belongs and getting on with your life.

Original poster
Mylifeinpart · 04/07/2022 12:46

5128gap · 04/07/2022 12:41

Sending her the messages won't really help you. And be really really honest here, do you care that mych about warning her for her sake?
You might feel a temporary pleasure at the thought you may damage his relationship, but you also run the risk of remaining embroiled mentally and even practically in a situation you need to move on from.
You send the messages, you wait for a response. You get one, it might be nasty or threatening and upset you more. You respond again. You check SM to see what's come of it. She stays with him you wonder why...when all the time you could be putting him in the bin where he belongs and getting on with your life.

Yes you are right

OP posts:
Original poster
Mylifeinpart · 04/07/2022 12:47

He is famous and a narcassit

OP posts:
LoveBugBride · 04/07/2022 12:48

i agree tell her when she gets home. It would be awful to find out on holiday.

YouDoYouHun · 04/07/2022 12:49

SparklingPeach · 04/07/2022 10:54

I would tell her, but be prepared for her to stay with him anyway.

I second this. I told someone once, she completely ignored my message and stayed with him. Sometimes it's best to to keep quiet. Believing you would mean chosing your word over his and she has no connection to you but an emotional connection with him so easier to believe you're the liar and you will play into the narrative he decides to tell her and make it easier for him to lie

OldFan · 04/07/2022 12:49

Definitely tell her @Mylifeinpart . At the moment their relationship is kind of non-consensual, as she doesn't know the reality of the person she's involved with and being supposedly intimate with.

She also has the right to know so she can make informed decisions about her future, rather than not knowing what's going on in her own life.

Vikinga · 04/07/2022 12:52

Please tell her asap. In the holiday she could throw caution to the wind and get pregnant for example.

My ex tried to cheat on me with a friend whilst I was in hospital with pregnancy complications. She didn't tell me until years later and I understand why she didnt. But it would have been much better for her to tell me because I made decisions which really impacted me for many years. Had I known he wasn't trustworthy i would have been more cautious.

Tell her, he's an absolute scumbag.

YouDoYouHun · 04/07/2022 12:53

OldFan · 04/07/2022 12:49

Definitely tell her @Mylifeinpart . At the moment their relationship is kind of non-consensual, as she doesn't know the reality of the person she's involved with and being supposedly intimate with.

She also has the right to know so she can make informed decisions about her future, rather than not knowing what's going on in her own life.

Bit far fetched. On this basis we are all in non-consensual relationships because you can never 100% know truly who someone is or what they are capable of.